Begin again

I wish I knew a perfect way to start this, but sadly that isn’t the case today.

I really miss having a creative outlet, something I never knew I needed until four years ago. I never saw myself as a “creative” person growing up. Growing up, sports were more of my thing. I was awful at drawing or any other arts and craft activity, therefore I assumed that creativity wasn’t something I was born with.

I developed a love for creative writing in my first creative writing course during my senior year in college, yes it was late in life but it was the first real opportunity I had to explore that world.

I’ve told this story a million times before but I had started blogs off and on in the past but deleted them in fear of someone finding them. It wasn’t until late October of 2016 after my son Ian was born and my best friend inspired me with her blog that I had decided to start something I had wanted to do for so long.

I now sit here after four years of having this blog and 103 (now 104) published blog posts all about my life, wondering how to start again.

Back in December 2018 I had this strong desire to complete my biggest life goal, and that was to write my very first book. I decided to step away from my blog and focus all of my energy on my book. I was able to finish writing the rough draft of my book in June, and get it out to the public in December of 2019. After finishing my book I was left completely drained and had nothing left in my tank of stories and lessons.

I wrote two blog posts in 2019 while I was writing my book, and have written three blog posts so far this year. The flame I had for writing had gone out, and I found myself not wanting to get it back.

I know that happens to everyone, you have this passion in life and one day it almost disappears. Especially in 2020, nothing is off limits. It’s common to get comfortable with being content with where you’re at in life, it’s common to not want want to put effort into anything except those things that you have to. Your once creative outlet or passion you once had in life is gone because you let the flame go out with no desire to start it back up.

I’ve been searching for a creative outlet since this time last year wanting to share my thoughts with the world once again, but could never find anything that felt right.

My husband has always been extremely supportive with any crazy ideas of goals that I have. I’ve expressed this concern with him recently and he always brings me back to my blog. He understands how passionate I was about it and how much effort I put into it. He knew that it was a great outlet for me when I was just writing what I wanted and not focusing on what I thought other people wanted to read.

Since taking an unofficial break from blogging my life has changed in a relatively drastic way. I decided to start a journey I swore I would never do and that was to get my Masters degree. I never saw myself pursuing higher education than necessary because I never had a dream career that required more education. Until some tough events with people close to me brought me to realize that I had a love for helping others.

In January of 2020 I started my Masters of Education in School Counseling degree with plans to finish by June of 2023. I also as of recently, began a new career as a middle school counselor at a local middle school. Leaving a school that I absolutely loved and felt so comfortable at was pretty hard to say the least and terrifying at times, but starting a new career that I am extremely passionate about overtook the fear of the unknown.

Life has been crazy and completely unexpected this year for me, and for everyone I know, in true 2020 fashion. If you would have told me at the beginning of this year I would be going back to school and switching careers I would not have believed you. I had other goals and none of them really consisted of growing professionally. I call it maturity but you can call it adulting, maybe they’re the same thing.

I guess that brings me back to this post, and my blog as a whole. It’s something that is so special to me and something that I’ve worked hard to create. I’ve grown as a person, mom, friend, and wife since having this blog. I have grown to be more self aware and even began repairing a friendship that wasn’t as strong as it should have been. I have also met people through this outlet who I have an insane amount of things in common with. Beyond Twenty Something was a big part of my life for four years, and I look forward to keeping it that way for the years to come.

Take this as my official pledge to begin blogging again. To not trying to do too much at once, and to focus my heart and soul on this corner of the internet that I’ve created. To continue to grow my favorite little creative outlet and to share it with as many people as I can.

I plan on posting once a week and changing the types of posts that I do. Don’t worry, if you like my oversharing life stories, I will for sure keep those ups. I just also want to tackle things that other people struggle with and fun pieces that aren’t super serious and can open up fun conversations.

So thank you for sticking around for this entire post or for the four years of this blog. I am excited for the next journey in blogging.

Halfway through 2019.

Hey! It’s me!

Long time no talk!

I haven’t seen you since December 8th 2018.

How have you been?

This year has been amazing so far, and I haven’t blogged about any of it.

I turned 29.

Started a podcast with my sister.

Watched my athlete take 3rd at the state meet in the 110 meter hurdles.

Visited Disneyland and Harry Potter world with my family.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss it, because I do, but I don’t miss how much pressure I put on myself to write blog posts and make them as perfect as I could.

I put a lot of pressure on myself with everything I do, and my blog is no exception.

It would lead to poorly written, or forced blog posts that I wasn’t proud of. I loved it when I first started blogging, but hated it towards the end.

It became a chore.

The one outlet that I had made for myself was becoming a chore.

It was also taking time away from the one goal that I had for myself.

The one thing that lit my soul on fire just at the thought of.

I wanted to write this book so bad.

I just kept telling myself that I didn’t have time, and honestly, I really didn’t have a lot of time.

Between being a mom, wife, daughter, coach, and full time employee there wasn’t much time.

I just made time.

You know that feeling?

When you want something so badly that you’ll do anything to get it?

That was me.

I knew that I had to write this book this year.

I knew that it would mean getting to bed a little later and waking up a little earlier.

That I would have to stay off of Netflix and write instead.

Which if you know me, is extremely difficult.

Quitting blogging helped. In fact, if I hadn’t stopped I honestly don’t think I could have done it.

It wasn’t a perfect process though.

It was hard.

There wasn’t a single day while writing my book that I didn’t worry.

I worried that no one besides my immediate family would read it.

I worried that it would be awful.

I worried that I couldn’t do it.

I wish I could tell you that something just clicked and reminded me of my goals.

Or that I had some life changing event that made me push through the negative thoughts.

But I didn’t.

I just kept going.

I listened to those negative thoughts, realized that my fears were real and fine to feel, and kept going anyways.

That’s the thing about fears, others peoples opinions, and negative thoughts.

They don’t go away.

Maybe some of them do eventually, or a large majority of them if you’re lucky, but they’re always there.

Don’t let anyone fool you, there’s no magic cure for it.

You just have to keep going.

I realized recently that fears aren’t always bad.

Worries and negative thoughts aren’t the end all.

They don’t mean that you’re broken.

They’re there to challenge you.

To remind you to keep fighting.

I was reminded of that this May.

To fight, and to always keep fighting.

From a really good talk with a really good person.

And I kept that with me throughout the end of June, when I finally finished my book, rough draft and all.

I definitely grew throughout the entire process.

Going back and reading chapters I can see how my thoughts evolved and grew the more I wrote.

It was one of the scariest and most rewarding things that I have ever done.

Going towards the directions of my dreams, regardless of the fears that surrounded the path to it.

I turn 30 this year.

Well not this exact year but my next birthday on February 8th 2020.

I’ll be 30.

I wanted to make this last year in my twenties a special one.

A way to reflect on the last ten years of my life.

Ten years that completely rocked my world.

Ten years that taught me every single lesson I could possibly think of.

With the help of my grandma and some inspiration from the very first blog post I ever wrote, I did just that.

Reflected on the last ten years.

I decided to write a book about the twenty lessons that I learned in my twenties , lessons that turned me into the person I am today.

Someone who broke a heart, found love, had cancer, dreamed big, and learned how to be a friend.

This book is my entire heart.

Literally.

It’s all in that binder that my sweet husband is currently going through editing.

It’s scary though.

He’s reading what I wrote.

He could hate it.

He could love it.

It’s officially out in the universe to someone.

I said back in December that I would share what it was about when it’s done so here it is.

This is normally where I would say something like “you may not care” or “if anyone even reads it” but it’s time I start accepting my accomplishments and taking pride in them.

I’ve written this book that I’m extremely proud of and it’s very special to me.

You’ll have your hands on it sometime in the fall, so get excited.