Sitcoms and Snow

snow1

Oregon does not know how to do snow, ever. We’ve had some crazy snow in my lifetime but most Oregonians freak out and close the state down. Okay, it’s not that bad but a lot of people who live in Oregon overreact and in today’s case we got a snow day out of it.

I was so happy, it meant my husband didn’t have to go into work. We could sit under the christmas lights we have hanging from the curtain and watch the snow fall in flurries. Our son couldn’t really enjoy the snow, since he’s only six weeks old and would turn into a snowman out there. That meant we had to cozy up inside and watch it from the windows, and surprisingly I was okay with that. I usually like to go out and explore the snow, take some pictures, and let our dog run free. Not being able to do that today didn’t bother me one bit. I was so excited to introduce our son to the snow through the windows and see his eyes get wide at the sight of the ground covered in white.

Being at home with my family brought me back to snow days I had growing up. It was an excuse to be in PJ’s all day and watch sitcom reruns until the nightly news came on. The last major snow day we had was on my twenty fourth birthday. I was pretty devastated to be honest, when I couldn’t go out to Dutch Brothers or run around town and do things. I thought my birthday was ruined and was acting like it was my fourth birthday not my twenty fourth. My husband (boyfriend at the time) walked over to my family’s house with his dog and we all ended up playing outside. My brother and dad built a slope down our front yard and into the driveway, we all grabbed sleds and spent hours running around in the front yard playing in the snow. Even though I wasn’t acting like it, looking back, it was the best birthday ever.

Spending the day with my family and reminiscing about snow days has me thinking about how lucky I am to have them all around. How, especially during the holidays, spending all of the time you can with your loved ones is all that really matters.

My family used to go all out for the holidays. We spent Christmas Eve with my grandparents on my mom’s side and did our own special night and I always looked forward to the time we got to spend together. It might not have been this big thing but it was always fun. On christmas day we would go over to my other grandparents house and have this giant, amazing christmas morning. There were so many members of my family, a giant breakfast, and so many memories.

As the years passed the celebrations were different, each year smaller but still so special. We’ve lost both of my grandpas, and not having them around makes me really want to celebrate the holidays more. To celebrate every little thing and cherish every second I get to be around my family. Family is the most important thing during the holidays, and today helped me realize that.

When Ian’s older I want him to remember having these special memories during the holidays like I had growing up. I want him to remember being so excited for snow days because it meant him and his dad didn’t have to go to school. I want him to be so excited to go over to grandma and grandpas house to open presents on Christmas morning and remember every little moment as vividly as I did.

Today I sat at home with my little family and watched daytime sitcoms and watched the snow fall, just like I got to to when I was younger. Something so small, but still so special. Something that reminded me how important it is to cherish every single moment you get to spend with your family and to take advantage of the time you do get to spend with them.

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Let it go, let it go.

If I had to point out my biggest flaw it would be that I am a control freak. I have to know what’s going on exactly when it’s going on. I try not to be too obsessive, because I know it’s not the healthiest thing in the world, but I find myself stressing out over the smallest things. The fact that the car in front of me is going too slow, or that I’m not early to work in the morning, because if I’m not early I’m late. I think that’s one main reason I hate flying, because I can’t see exactly what’s going on up front and have no control on if we hit turbulence or not..it’s either that or I watched too many episodes of lost.

 Having a child has made me lose most of my control, I have to realize that life now goes according to this two week old little boy who’s asleep next to me. I usually love the chaos, taking it and making it go exactly how I want it to go, but this chaos is like nothing else. This little boy lets me know when he’s ready to do something or when he wants to be held and cuddled, don’t get me wrong I love the cuddling, but my life is now on his schedule.

I think where it really gets me is when it comes to cleaning my house. I love cleaning, seriously it’s ridiculous how much I love cleaning. I get all antsy when I can’t wipe down the tables or organize our dogs toys. I haven’t vacuumed in 18 days…18 days. That might seem normal to some people but to me I would have never imagined I would live in a world where I didn’t vacuum at least once a week. I haven’t stopped cleaning my house because I am lazy or spend most of my time walking around like a zombie covered in baby spit up, but because my doctor told me I had to limit my daily activities due to my c-section. I hate being limited, almost as much as I hate not having control of everything. I want to constantly be doing things, all of the things.

This makes me sound like a head case.

I just know what I like and know how I like it done, but newborns don’t care.

It’s hard telling myself to let it go, to not stress and to just handle things as they come up. Life is about living in the chaos, not controlling it. Especially with a baby making it more chaotic, I want to just laugh in the middle of him peeing on me mid diaper change, and that’s what I’ve done. It amazes me how fast I have let things go. The other night when my husband and I were changing his diaper Ian decided he wasn’t done. We went through five diapers because he just kept going. Jason and I looked at each other and just laughed, making a joke out of the moment. In 5 years when he can go to the bathroom by himself we will be able to look back at that night and just laugh and tease our son for that time he went through five diapers at four in the morning.

I find myself thinking about how easily stressed out I was before Ian came into my life and how the smallest things would get on my nerves. Now obviously things stress me out still, life is not unicorns and roses, but I find myself letting the small things go a lot easier. My morning cup of coffee gets cold, the kitchen floor doesn’t always get swept, and sometimes dishes pile up in the sink, and the beauty in that chaos is that it’s all okay. Life doesn’t always go as planned and sometimes you can’t obsessively clean like you want to clean, and that’s okay. I never thought that lesson would take me 26 years to learn, but it did, and I feel like I am much better because of it. I’m not naive, I know there will be hard times and that’s perfectly okay with me. Life isn’t always perfect, that’s what makes it so great.

A little back story.

Life has taken a complete 180, seriously. I went from someone who could get eight hours of sleep and leave the house in two minutes if needed, to someone who is responsible for another life. Babies are a whirlwind, a beautiful one, but a whirlwind none the less. I am finally getting around to starting this blog that I have been wanting to start since September. I use to have a blog a couple of years ago but I didn’t tell anyone. I would wonder “what if someone thinks it’s dumb” or “what if I get made fun of” and deleted it. I saved all of the post and figured that one day they might come in handy. Then one day, my favorite podcast started a blog and asked for fan submissions, I took a risk and figured the chances of anything getting accepted were pretty slim. A couple of weeks later I saw that I was tagged on Instagram in a post and noticed that they posted my story. I freaked out. You don’t even understand how bad I freaked out. I texted my husband and my sister and told them the news and they both said how proud they were of me. That was probably the biggest and most important thing, was that two people who I am proud of were proud of me. After an internal struggle with myself I decided to post a link to the article on my Facebook and got some super nice responses, the ones I really cared about were from my parents. I had recently been feeling like I didn’t have something that was just mine, an outlet for me to pour my heart into and be creative with. I realized at that moment that it was time to start my blog up again. I had prepared the site and was ready to start posting when we found out that my son came into this world. Suddenly life was completely different. I find myself up two to three times in the middle of the night rocking him to sleep and changing multiple diapers at a time with my husband by my side. Life is completely different and I couldn’t be happier.
Now where does my blog fit into all of this? I have so many ideas and I am so excited to see where life takes me and where this blog fits into the picture. I have lots of ideas floating around in my head, and written down on my phone, I cannot wait to get it all out of my mind and into the world. I, by no means have anything close to figured out and I’m sure I will make some mistakes along the way of this carousel called life (Grey’s reference you’re welcome) but I am so excited to finally commit to this and give it my all. I am truly bummed that I gave up the first time around and hid due to the fear of what others might have thought, but as my best friend once told me, as made famous by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

ian