10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

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I’d say that I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships.

Not enough to have my own self help book or anything, but enough to learn what not do in the next one.

I would just have these expectations in my mind of what the relationship was supposed to be like.

I blame it on all of the romantic comedies I would watch on weekend nights in bed.

I was never the “go out and party with my friends” type of person.

More like “lay and bed and dream about the perfect guy.”

I would spend so much time thinking about the perfect relationship, that I had to have this perfect relationship to make my life complete.

That my life would only be worth it if I had a boyfriend.

I always go back to one of my favorite quotes by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“and in the end we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, and only love, could heal our brokenness.”

He says it so perfectly.

We’re all so fixated on this idea that love can make everything better, so consumed by it, that we don’t see the red flags in the relationship.

We see what we want to see, and nothing else.

I made my fair share of mistakes from bad relationships that I feel like, helped me get into the wonderful one that I’m in today and will be in for the rest of my life.

I decided that I’d like to share them with you tonight.

So I give you, not in any particular order, 10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

  1. Trust your gut – If you think somethings wrong, you should go with that feeling. Now I’m not saying just thinking somethings wrong because you’re bored or don’t trust yourself. I’m talking about if you really feel in your gut that somethings not right, it probably isn’t. If he butt dials you when he says he’s chilling at home by himself and you hear a party in the background, that might be a red flag. If lying is something they can easily do, they might not be the one for you. Don’t be that girl that finds out he was cheating on you the entire time you were worried. Don’t prove yourself right, it feels awful.
  2. Don’t be “that person”- Don’t be obsessed over everything they do. If he tells you he has this super close friend who’s a girl, unless he gives you a reason to, don’t jump to being jealous. It ultimately proves your insecurities to the other person and does nothing but stress you out. Trust the person you’re with unless they show you otherwise.
  3. Don’t wait to be dumped – If you see the signs that somethings not right, like he ignores your texts and calls for an entire weekend, don’t fight for it. If they don’t show you the same passion that you show for them, why waste your time and energy on them. Don’t be that person that sits and waits for them to tell you what they want, if you don’t want to be treated that way, then don’t.
  4. Don’t go for the people that you think you can “fix” – because you literally never can.
  5. Don’t force what’s not there – If you feel like somethings missing, or they feel like
    somethings missing, don’t hold yourself back from life because you’re trying to force this relationship. If something isn’t meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Forcing something that’s not there isn’t a way to make it better. At the end of the day you’ll have this fake relationship that neither of you need or want.
  6. Don’t change for anyone – I’ve seen too many relationships ruined because someone tried to be exactly what they thought the other person wanted. If he wants this super easy going person, but you’re the one who plans your entire life, why make yourself go crazy when it’s not who you truly are? There is such thing as changing for the better, like changing bad habits or faults that you may have because of the other person. Just don’t change your interests and lose yourself in the search for this perfect relationship.
  7. Listen to your friends and family if they say they don’t like them – The ones closest to you really know who you are. They know what’s going to mesh best with you and what will make you better. If they see any faults in the other person that are concerning enough to bring it up, maybe you should take their opinions into consideration.
  8. Don’t be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship – This one may sound almost stupid but it happens. You’re looking at her. If somethings missing in your life or you see all of your friends getting in relationships, don’t worry about keeping up with them. You don’t need a boyfriend because someone else has one, and you don’t need to force anything because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’ve always told my husband that if we would have had a little girl, I would have preached this to her. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship. Don’t rush it. Wait for the right guy and don’t waste so much energy on the wrong ones.
  9. Don’t let him hurt you – If someone calls you a bad name or tells you that you don’t matter, don’t listen to them. This might sound like another easy one but sometimes people need to see it written in front of them. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to accept their bad behavior. They can hurt you and call you names but apologizing and saying I love you doesn’t always fix it. You don’t have to give anyone second chances they don’t deserve.
  10. Love yourself first – I feel like I’ve gone over this one so many times, but that’s because it’s the most important one. I’ve had relationships where I worry about everything the other person needs and not my own. Don’t get me wrong, a relationship is a partnership and you’re both equal. But you need to love your damn self first. If you love yourself, as much as you possibly can, you’ll find love easier. You’ll find that you know what you want, what you need, and what works best with your personality. You won’t have to change for anyone and won’t have to make it work when it’s not supposed to. When you truly love yourself, love will find you.

There you go.

A little bit of my heart and past relationship advice on this hazy summer night.

I hope, if you need it, you can take some of this and apply it to your life.

Remember it and never forget it.

And I hope that if you’re lucky enough, like myself, to have love.

That you never let it go.

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Advice to my younger self.

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If I could, I would give my younger self a lot of advice.

Advice that I knowingly wouldn’t want to hear.

You see…it may be hard to believe..but as a child I was very stubborn.

Shocker I know.

I would roll my eyes to almost anything my parents told me to do.

But they shouldn’t be mad, I did it to everyone who tried to tell me what to do.

I thought I knew all of life’s answers.

Especially when it came to boys.

Don’t date him Megan he’s a bad kid.

Maybe you should focus on school and not boys.

Megan he cheated on someone before, what makes you think he won’t do it again?

I had heard it all.

Ya see..I thought I had these magic powers.

That I could change someone.

If a guy was a jerk or hadn’t always been faithful in a relationship, I thought I was going to be that person to change him.

That wasn’t just something I did when I was younger, I did it up into my early twenties.

It isn’t the smartest thing to do.

To think that you can change someone.

You literally have no control over what they choose to do.

That was just a small part of my problem growing up.

From middle school to my first year out of college, I was consumed with this thought.

The thought that I needed to have a boyfriend.

I can sit here and blame it on Kate Hudson for days but that’s not the full reason and I know it.

I was fascinated with this idea of love.

I had seen my parents, grandparents, and couples on television completely in love and happy.

So that had to have meant that if you had love, you would be happy.

I wanted someone to love me like that.

Someone to sweep me off of my feet.

To show me affection the way couples in love did.

To quote a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, “that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff.”

That’s what I wanted.

And I was so consumed with this thought that only true love would make me happy that I didn’t even think of falling in love with the person I saw in the mirror every day.

Not in this conceded kind of way.

But the way where you truly appreciate yourself.

Where you love your flaws, your fears, and everything in between.

That’s the love I should have been focusing on.

Not the love of a stupid boy.

And boys are stupid.

I had a conversation with some girls that I coach yesterday.

My sister and I were hanging around them as they talked about cute boys.

I told them the one piece of advice I wish I would have listened to when I was younger.

Boys are stupid in high school.

And in College too.

Just focus on yourself and the good ones will come.

Now that’s not to say that you can’t marry your high school or college sweetheart.

That’s not at all what I’m saying.

But we’re all just trying to figure life out

We’re all still making mistakes and learning from them.

You can’t expect this big love from someone who doesn’t love themselves yet.

Dating is fine, it’s how we know what we like or dislike in someone that we want as a partner in life.

But being so fixated on finding love isn’t.

I wanted someone to love me so badly that I was looking for it in the wrong people.

Out of all of the boys I liked growing up, I only had one really good relationship.

And they taught me so much about what I wanted in a relationship.

We’re even still friends today.

That’s how I know it was good.

And I’m not necessarily blaming the boys I dated for our bad relationships.

They were all just still figuring life out.

The liars and the cheaters, well they still had a lot to figure out.

But why did I want so badly to find a love with someone who didn’t even know what he wanted.

I wanted love so badly I was blind to everything else.

I was spending hours and hours talking to boys who didn’t really care what I wanted to do after high school.

Giving my heart to boys who would just step on it days later.

Lying to the people I loved most just to protect the boy I was dating.

I did it all.

I was so dumb.

That’s not nice but whatever, when it came to boys I was dumb.

I had good grades, was an pretty good athlete, but could have been so much better if I wasn’t thinking about having a boyfriend so much.

That’s the one piece of advice I would give my younger self.

Out of everything in this world, it would be to not focus so much on having a boyfriend.

To just focus on yourself, and the right one will come to you.

Think about it.

If you have no idea what you want out of life, or even who you are, how do you expect to find this big love.

And if you don’t know who you are growing up, do you think everyone else does?

Chances are no.

No one knows who they are.

We’re all just figuring out life.

When we’re ready, when we finally seem to have this idea of who we are.

When we truly start to love ourselves.

That’s when we’ll find that kind of love.

Where I’ve been.

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I haven’t written anything in two and a half weeks.

Not sure if anyone noticed.

Or cared.

But I did.

It drove me insane.

It’s all I could think about.

I would sit in front of my computer and just stare.

I didn’t have a single idea that fit my prompts for the day.

No throwback stories seemed important enough.

I couldn’t think of anything fun or interesting for my Saturday fun day post.

And by that point Sunday just felt like I was forcing it.

At the beginning of the year these prompts were exciting. I would jump to my notebook and write an idea out as it came to me.

It was fun.

Fresh.

Exciting.

Then it got boring.

Dull.

Mundane.

It turned into something I thought I had to do versus something I wanted to do.

I wasn’t looking forward to writing anymore.

And that was so upsetting for me.

This is my little corner.

My world.

A space to fill with the words that flood my mind daily.

I felt like I had lost it for a little there.

Do you ever feel like that?

Like you lost your spark?

Nothings wrong in your life.

You’re happy, loved, and enjoying the days as they come.

But that little spark of magic that was yours took a small vacation and was showing no signs of coming back.

That was me.

I lost my magic.

It’s kind of funny.

Calling my writing magic.

But that’s what it is to me.

Your magic is that thing that you do so well.

It’s that thing that ignites a fire in you.

It gives you joy on the darkest of days.

You could be the best at it, or the worst at it.

But it creates this magic in your life that you sometimes forget is there.

Well I lost mine.

I started worrying.

Was my stuff good enough?

Did people like it?

What was the purpose of my writing?

I started doubting every idea I had.

I just didn’t enjoy writing anymore.

But I love it.

I love writing and I don’t care if two people read it or two hundred people read it.

I love it so much.

It’s my escape.

My corner.

The thing that ignites the fire inside of me.

It’s my magic.

I caught a few glimpses of it while on this little hiatus.

Thoughts that would come and go.

 Ideas that sparked my interests and gave me ideas.

They didn’t fit my writing prompts for certain days but I didn’t care.

That was an idea to get me writing more often in the New Year.

It worked, and I enjoyed it while it lasted.

It served it’s purpose and I’m happy it did.

But I’m done with it now.

I’m ready to write as it comes to me.

Like I’ve done before.

Like I love doing.

I came across a sentence in a book that I’ve been reading.

“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”

It was the reality check that I needed.

A slap in the face if you will.

I was afraid.

And I hate admitting it.

But I was afraid.

I had lost that confidence that I had gained from writing.

From sharing my words with anyone who would read them.

And the positive words from those readers.

For some reason I was doubting myself and the ideas in my head.

Doubting the magic that I knew I had.

I’ll be the first one to tell you if I’m being dumb.

And I was being dumb.

I had lost the courage to show my writing to the world.

Something that I loved so much.

Something that brought me so much joy.

Scared me.

Reading this line from the book really opened my eyes.

In order to find your magic, you need to have the courage to bring it to the world.

The thing that gives you life, you must give it life to have it blossom into the beauty that it can become.

Don’t let the fact that you’re scared stop you from finding your magic.

Or in the words of the movie A Cinderella Story.

Don’t let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

Whatever you love in life.

Whatever brings you so much joy that you want to show it to the world.

Find it.

If you lost it, bring it back.

No matter what, don’t give up on it.

Trust that if it’s taking a break from you, it’s a needed break.

But don’t give up hope.

I lost my magic.

But it’s back.

What’s stopping you from finding yours?

 

That time I read a book that changed my life.

 

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I’ve talked about it several times before.

The summer of 2013.

It was a pivotal time in my life.

A time where I was lost.

And a time where I found myself.

A time where I started a new adventure.

And met the love of my life.

It was the start to finding who I really was and loving myself to the fullest.

It started with reading a book.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

I didn’t really read up until that point.

Honestly I didn’t have the attention span for it.

But I had found myself in a place where I had lots of spare time and nothing to fill it with.

I decided to pick up this book that I heard was going to be a movie soon.

I had heard so many things about it and decided maybe this would be a good way to fill my time.

Little did I know that it would be the start to my road of self discovery.

Once I started reading this book I couldn’t stop.

I’ve always heard people say that when it came to reading.

They would start a book and literally not be able to put it down.

That the book was that good.

This is how this book was for me.

I would stay up late just to read.

I even took it to my job when we had down time and read.

I finished it in two days.

Which for me was huge.

The way that John Green wrote made it so easy for me to take in everything.

The tale of love and loss put my entire life into perspective.

It made me fall in love with myself and see my life from a new point of view.

A friend of mine, who was going through a difficult time, asked me to borrow it after I was finished.

He told me that it also changed his life.

He was going through a weird time and was lost himself. It gave him a brand new perspective.

We both bonded over it.

A month or so later he gave me a signed copy of it, and it’s one of my favorite things.

I made my mom read it and she loved it as well.

We went to see the movie together and I started crying at the opening credits.

The book that changed me was coming to life.

I tried reading other books by John Green, and they were really good.

But nothing got me like this book did.

I remember the night I finished it, I was at work.

I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall.

I cried.

I couldn’t stop crying.

I had invested so much of myself into this book.

It hit me so hard.

From that moment on I was different.

I read more.

Smiled more.

Found joy in everything that I could.

Took more selfies.

Found the beauty in my solitude.

From that moment on I was hopeful.

Hopeful that things would turn around.

That if I started living the life that I knew I wanted things would happen.

Things would fall into place.

I can’t put my finger on my favorite line of the book, or the exact moment that I knew I was reading something special.

It was the entire thing.

All 317 pages.

The relationship between Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace Lancaster gave me hope that my days would get better.

It made me take the plunge into loving myself so that I could fully love others.

I feel like books can do that to you.

They can make you forget.

They can allow you to lose yourself in something.

Giving you this idea that things will get better.

That you’ll be okay.

It feels weird to say out loud.

That a book made for young adults could change the life of a 23 year old.

But it did.

This book is something that’ll I’ll always hold near to my heart.

The book that started it all.

The reason my life took a turn for the better.

If you get a chance you should read it.

You won’t regret it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top 10 Taylor Swift Songs

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If you don’t like Taylor Swift, I want to preface this by saying sorry. I’ve written over 1500 words on my favorite Taylor songs and I have no regrets.

I was first introduced to Taylor Swift when I was a junior in High School. I was 16 and she was 16. Her songs were my life, and I related to each and every word. I was so amazed.

There was someone out there who was singing my life, the words in my head and the feelings in my heart, sung by someone my age.

I related to everything.

Every two years, in the heart of fall, she would release an album that continued to grow with me. There was always a song for every moment in my life.

If I had just gotten dumped, there was a song that could capture every teardrop I wasted crying over it.

If I met a boy who drove me crazy, that I was madly in love with the thought of them and the possibility of what could be, there was a song for that.

If I had just turned 22 and needed an anthem, there was a song for that.

Taylor just got me.

I think we all have that artist, who we can always relate to, or who makes us feel a certain way.

Taylor will always be that for me.

So I decided to write my fun day post about my top Taylor songs.

Yeah you heard me, a whole blog post about my top 10 Taylor Swift songs.

She’s a big deal.

So here it goes people, you’ve been warned.

I don’t take this stuff lightly.

  1. Picture to Burn- Taylor Swift – This song brings back one of my favorite memories growing up. I had just broken up with the boy I was dating my senior year in High School. It was a bad breakup and I quickly realized that he was such a waste of time. I was driving to school with my sister after getting coffee, while we were listening to our favorite country music radio station. The DJ’s were talking about ringtones and wanted people to call in and let them know what their ringtones were and why. Mine just so happened to be Picture to Burn, for obvious reasons. I thought it would be hilarious to call them up, and sure enough someone answered on the other end. They asked me what my ringtone was and why. The guy loved it and asked me if they could put me on the radio, my heart sunk. I was so nervous. Next thing I know I’m talking to the radio station DJ’s that I listened to every morning. I told them that my boyfriend, who was two years younger than me, left me for someone else. They proceeded to bash him and told me I deserved someone my own age. Seriously the coolest thing for a heartbroken seventeen year old.

    Favorite Line: I realized you love yourself more than you could ever love me.

  2. The Way I Loved You- Fearless – I feel like this song doesn’t get enough love with Taylor Swift fans, or swifties if you will, some of you may not even know what it is. The song compares two relationships, one is perfect and polished and everything you think you want. While the next is crazy, emotional, and exhausting. It’s that relationship that drives you insane but you love it at the same time. I liked a boy who did this to me, until the point where it wasn’t good for either of us. I remember listening to this song over and over again during that summer. Comparing this relationship to my last and replaying things in my head. To me this song shows something that’s real for a lot of people. Getting in those relationships that you know you shouldn’t be in, but for some reason you love the madness, you love how crazy it makes you and how it’s not easy.

    Favorite Line: It’s a roller coaster kind of love, and I never knew I could feel that much.

  3. Sparks Fly- Speak Now – Oh how I love this song. Honestly, it’s number one in my book. Back in the day when you downloaded music from sketchy sites I found this weird recording of Taylor Swift singing a song called Sparks Fly. I loved it, but the quality was so bad that I couldn’t hear much of what she was saying. This was super early in her career just after her first album. I would listen to it all the time. When I saw the track list for her third album a few years later I freaked out, I couldn’t believe it. The song I admired for so long was finally going to be here, in all it’s beauty. I remember playing it whenever I was crushing on someone. Thinking about everything they did that captivated me and consumed my every thought. I can still see the car dance party sessions with my sister singing our hearts out to this song.

    Favorite Line: I’m captivated by you baby like a firework show.

  4. Enchanted- Speak Now- I love this song. How she sings about the feeling of meeting someone for the first time and not knowing what to do with yourself. You feel a connection and can’t stop yourself from thinking about them late at night. It represents that fantasy of stealing glances with someone from across the other room and suddenly you’re thinking about what you might do on your first date. How your mind rushes with excitement, fear, and hope that one day this might lead to something magical.

    Favorite Line: The lingering question kept me up, 2 AM who do you love.

  5. Last Kiss – Speak Now – The Speak Now album came out fall of 2010, I was a Junior in College. I was dating someone who in the end really didn’t care. He didn’t believe in love the way I did, and he didn’t believe in us the way I did. I think I had built it up in my head to be more than it could have actually been. I wanted it to last so bad. After we broke up I would just pop in my headphones and listen to this song on repeat. Not only was it a sad song about breaking up and going on with the rest of your life without each other, but it meant more for me. It reminded me that here I was making this sad song about him. I was still thinking about him, while he wasn’t doing the same. He wasn’t heartbroken. One of the last lines of the songs says “you can plan for a change in the weather or time, but I never planned on you changing your mind.” This part always hits me so hard, how someone can just change their mind and decide that they don’t care anymore. And how, in that moment you decide, you don’t care either.

    Favorite Line: All that I know is I don’t know, how to be something you miss.

  6. All Too Well – Red – I lied when I said speak now is my favorite, this song is my favorite. I don’t care how lame it sounds,  but this song gives me goosebumps. It reminds me of fall and starting over. How love falls apart and picks itself back up. How you can be so angry and hurt from someone and want to tell them more than anything. That they hurt you, and broke you, but you remember it, you’ll never forget it and you’re stronger because of it. That they might have broken you for that second in time but you’ll be ok. That you don’t need them anymore.

    Favorite Line: And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest.

  7. Wonderland – 1989 – This is another song that I feel like doesn’t get enough love. It plays off of Alice In Wonderland a little and sounds almost whimsical at first. The more you listen the more you realize that it’a about a relationship that goes wrong suddenly. How at first you’re in your own little world, and suddenly you realize there are people watching, whispering, and wanting to have a say in your relationship. I’ve definitely felt like this in a relationship once, and certain people around us wanted to try and get involved in it. I remember one time specifically in College, I was dating someone for about a year and one of our “friends” told him one night that I was a terrible person and there was no reason he should be dating me. Those type of people make it hard, they make you think you can continue on in your relationship when you clearly can’t.

    Favorite Line: And we pretended it would last forever.

  8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied – Reputation – I had waited so long for this album and I loved it right away. The whole thing is mature and it doesn’t seem like Taylor’s trying too hard. Dancing with Our Hands Tied is all about being in that relationship where you’re so consumed with the person that you don’t realize everything that’s holding it back. You want nothing more than to be with them but everything else is telling you that it won’t work. How you’re with each other together in impossible circumstances. But I mainly love it because when Ian and I have dance parties, this is one of his favorites.

    Favorite Line: I’d kiss you as the lights went down, swaying as the room burnt down.

  9. New Years Day – Reputation – After all of the other songs on the reputation album, I was not ready for this one. It’s so sweet, so subtle, and captures a relationship perfectly. In the age of hookups and tinder dates it almost makes you feel not normal for being with your now husband for four and a half years, or being completely content with the relationship you’re in. How life can happen and be wonderful, with your best friend by your side. That you’re not quite sure how it’ll go but it’s worth it with someone you love by your side.

    Favorite Line: Don’t read the last page.

  10. Teardrops On My Guitar- Taylor Swift – This was the original t swift song for me. I remember listening to it in high school when I liked someone who had no idea I existed. Completely hopeless and besides myself. I feel like every girl who loves Taylor Swift had their “teardrops on my guitar” moment. When they were so madly in love with the thought of someone who they felt like they could never have.

    Favorite Line: I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night.

There you have it folks, 1772 words on my love for Taylor Swift and my favorite songs.

If you made it this far, you da real mvp.

I just love everything about her.

How her words are forever engraved in my mind.

I grew up right along side her and her songs.

And you bet I’ll be rocking out at her Reputation tour this May.

See you then Tswizzle.

P.S I’ve linked the songs below if you want to give them a listen.

You’re welcome.

Top 10 Taylor Swift Songs.

 

Happy Birthday Janelle.

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Happy Birthday Boo.

I honestly can’t believe we’re 28 today.

Isn’t that cool?

We’re.

I don’t know many people who can say that.

Obviously anyone with the same birthday can say that, but you get what I mean.

I’m so incredibly lucky to have gotten to spend 28 birthdays with you.

My best friend.

I could only wish that everyone could experience what it’s like to have a built in best friend from birth.

It’s pretty awesome.

I never had to question if someone would be there for me when I got my heart broken.

Or when I made a bad decision.

From starting school together, to driving to Western every day for three years.

You were there.

I’ll admit.

I was a little scared when I got married, scared because we wouldn’t be living together.

We had been roommates for 25 and a half years up to that point. The fact that you weren’t going to get up early in the morning and drink coffee while watching say yes to the dress with me was terrifying.

I had to start doing things by myself.

Obviously after college we chose different careers.

We went from working together to working separately.

We started doing our own things at about age 23, but it was still scary.

Going from having your person there 24/7 to only a couple of hours a day if we were lucky.

I’d say that we’ve done a good job figuring it out at this point.

We call each other throughout the day, and have kept our 680 day snapchat streak strong.

Because that’s who we are.

We can’t go without talking.

Even if we’re mad at each other, it doesn’t last all but a couple of hours.

I’ll admit, I’ve been mad at you.

I’ve thrown remotes and medicine balls at you, and called you a not so nice name once or twice.

There’s a reason I’m the “mean” twin.

But I’m sure you deserved it.

Just like I’ve deserved all of the tough love you’ve given me throughout the years.

There’s even been times where I wanted to shake some sense into you, but I had to learn to let you figure things out.

That was the hardest.

Last year I wanted to.

I wanted to butt in like I always did, and give you my unsolicited advice that you were so use to.

But I didn’t.

I had to let you figure it out.

And I’m so happy I did.

Watching you bloom into this amazing person, mother, girlfriend, and teacher.

You went through hell and back and came out stronger than ever.

I’m so proud of you.

When others try to break you, you fight back.

When you fall, you get right back up.

Out of all of the things, I think my favorite thing about us is running together.

Since day one of our running careers at age twelve, we’ve been side by side.

On those days where I didn’t want to run.

On my bad days and my good.

You were there.

I’ll never forget Junior year in high school when you won districts in the 800 and I ran onto the track to give you a hug.

And the next year when I won in the 3000 and you were the first one that I wanted to hug.

All the way to Junior year in college when I paced you for the first 400 of your 800 race and you qualified for Nationals.

You were usually faster than me, except for a handful of times.

And when I did beat you, I was filled with so much joy.

Not because I wanted to beat you and rub it in your face, but because you were my hero when it came to running. If I beat you, I did something amazing in my eyes.

We’ve been through numerous 5k’s, track meets, cross country races, and even a marathon together.

We’ve done it all.

You and I.

Megan and Janelle.

That’s how it’s always been.

Even though I can hear you now saying “no it’s Janelle and Megan.”

It’s always been us.

Through everything, you’ve been right there.

And I thank you.

Thank you for not making fun of me when I say something stupid.

Thank you for slowly memorizing every song from the Speak Now album by Taylor swift, until we knew every word to every song.

Thank you for running thousands of miles with me.

Thank you for bringing me dutch all of those times.

Thank you for the endless selfies, the good and the unflattering. And thank you for not taking too many screenshots of the unflattering ones.

Thank you for hours or car trips and pretty little liar viewing parties.

Thank you for being the Anna to my Elsa and everything in between.

Have the best day ever.

 

 

That time I met the love of my life

It’s when you least expect it.

That’s what you always hear.

That you’ll meet the love of your life the moment you least expect it.

There’s more to it though.

You can’t run around life thinking to yourself..

Is it going to happen now?

How about now?

What if this is the unexpected moment when I meet the love of my life.

You just can’t do that.

It won’t happen.

Trust me.

I spent so many years wondering those things to myself.

Relying so much on the empty hope that this was that unexpected moment where I meet the love of my life.

It’s so simple looking back at it now.

The moment you meet the love of your life isn’t when you least expect it, it’s when your life is where you expect it to be.

When you decide to take charge and start living the life you want, and start appreciating everything you are, that’s when it happens.

I actually met the love of my life when I was dating someone.

I went to my old high school to visit a teacher who was retiring.

My sister was coaching with our old track team and suggested that I just come with her to their practice.

I stood awkwardly, like I do best, on the side of the track, waiting for practice to start.

My sister stood next to the kids she coached to take attendance when she noticed the head distance coach coming.

She gave me this look like “quick pretend you’re me and I’ll hide” and proceeded to hide in the middle of the runners.

He came over to me and just started talking faster than me, which I didn’t think was possible.

“Hey what’s up (highfive) you look dressed up today what’s going on, so today for practice I was thinking.”

I had to interrupt him because I felt bad.

I told him that I was Janelle’s twin sister and she was off hiding in the middle of the kids.

And that was it.

There weren’t sparks in the air, and I didn’t instantly know.

I think it’s because I wasn’t in the right place.

I thought poorly of myself and was in a bad relationship.

I wasn’t ready to love someone let alone myself.

Fast forward a couple of months to me getting dumped with a lot of time on my hands.

I worked weird hours at my job where I didn’t start work until 2:30 in the afternoon, leaving so much spare time in the morning.

I decided to see if I could help coach with my sisters team during the summer.

Something I loved doing, running.

Something that my ex didn’t want me to do.

Something that might help bring some extra joy to my life.

She was going to be working and needed someone to take her place.

A few days later I got a message on Facebook from the person I had earlier tricked into thinking I was my sister, Jason.

He asked me about coaching and said that he was super excited to meet me.

Again, didn’t think anything of it.

A couple of days later he had posted a picture on Facebook that I liked, within minutes I received another message.

It was after I got off of work, so around midnight or so.

I stared at my phone.

My heart started beating incredibly fast.

What do I do.

What do I say.

He literally asked me a question but I found myself getting nervous.

I hadn’t even started coaching yet, why was he interested in talking to me.

I remember talking to myself.

“He’s so cute, but older than you Megan, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER.”

I responded back and we just started talking.

A few conversations turned into days.

Talking to him was the easiest feeling.

I was so nervous to start coaching, hanging around with him.

He was so cute.

I was finally in that place where I wanted to be.

I had fallen in love with myself, started coaching, and appreciated everything that my life was.

I had spent so much time with myself that I can say I truly loved myself for everything that I was.

I can’t speak for him.

I don’t know what he was thinking about that night he first messaged me, or that day when he thought I was my sister.

But I knew when we first started talking that he was special.

I knew I needed him in my life one way or another.

He had become my best friend.

I couldn’t imagine a day not talking to him.

It wasn’t easy though.

I had to wait for him to get to where he expected to be.

I had to wait for him to figure out what he wanted and where he wanted to be.

If you know me at all, you know that I like to control everything, but I couldn’t control this.

It was probably one of the biggest moments in my life up to that point.

Deciding I couldn’t control this.

That I had to let things happen the way they were meant to be.

I had finally gotten to a place where I was comfortable enough with myself that I could wait.

Not stress.

Not obsess.

But wait.

That if it was meant to be it would happen.

And it did.

It wasn’t easy.

Waiting.

But it was worth it.

When both people are in the right place, wonderful things can happen.

That summer I fell in love with my best friend.

The love of my life and now amazing husband and father to our wonderful son.

It doesn’t happen with you least expect it.

It happens when you’re at this point in your life when you’re happy and you stop thinking about it.

It happens that moment you decide to love yourself.

That moment you decide to let things happen the way their supposed to happen.