I’m super hard on myself, as in I hold myself to high standards, and if I mess up in any sort of fashion I’ll let myself have it.
Back in January I started the Megan’s Month part of my blog. It was meant for me to look back on at the end of 2017 and summarize my year and look at the different highlights and small things that made that year what it was.
I completely dropped the ball and didn’t do September.
In case anyone’s keeping track and who knows if anyone really is.
I knew it was approaching, last week I kept thinking to myself that September 30th was coming up and that I needed to write my Megan’s Month post for that month.
I thought about it on Monday.
Next thing I know, it’s Sunday and I’m decorating the house for Halloween, completely disregarding the one goal I had for last week.
I was hard on myself.
That’s where all of my best dialogue comes from honestly.
I think a lot, there’s not a time of day where I don’t have several different thoughts floating around in my head.
Hours on end convincing myself to do what it is I’m afraid to do.
That happened this last week, when I realized I hadn’t written my monthly post.
Lots of internal dialogue between me and myself, like I said before, I’m hard on myself.
And I had an excuse.
Which is weird for me because I feel like excuses are weak and I don’t like to accept them.
But I did.
I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks and honestly, it took priority over a lot of things..including my blog.
If I was going to write something, I wanted it to be good, not something I just put together for the purpose of just having a blog post.
So I waited.
And let that other thing consume most of me.
If you know me, you know that I obsess over things.
It could be a Netflix show, my love for pizza, or a new artist I just discovered.
I let things consume me until it’s all I can think about.
I like to think of it as a passion for life and those things that I love.
Others might call it annoying.
To each it’s own right?
So this thing was consuming me, this possibility of change.
This big step I was going to try and take, and the change that it would be to my routine I’ve had for the last almost five years.
I had decided that it was time to apply for a new job and possibly leave the place I had called my second home since March of 2013.
Taking that step.
Willing to leave what’s comfortable for a new experience.
Putting yourself out there in fear of rejection.
Applying for jobs sucks.
Plain and simple.
This time wasn’t as bad, and if I didn’t have the help of my wonderful brother and his insane interviewing skills I don’t know if it would have gone as well as it did.
Again, I’m my own worst critic and I’m hard on myself. So after each step in the process I had my doubts.
Luckily I had an awesome family who assured me that I did all that I could.
I ended up being offered a chance to step into this new opportunity.
A chance to say yes to something new.
As of late next week, I’ll get to call McKay High School home again.
To say I wanted to job baldly would be a giant understatement.
I’m insanely excited to start this new journey, slightly nervous but so excited.
So yes I’m making an excuse.
And I’m allowing myself to not be mad for missing a deadline I had created.
I’m saying no to being hard on myself for the small things.
And yes to being excited about this new opportunity I’ve been so lucky to have received.
At the end of the day, being hard on yourself literally solves nothing.
Obsessing is fine, just not over the bad things.
Obsessing about the possibility to do something you want so badly is just fine, in my opinion.
So here’s to new possibilities.
To telling yourself to shut up every once and a while, and just doing what you want.