Things I’ve Realized

Yesterday marked the halfway point on my 27th year of life. The 27th year of me doing things right, doing things wrong, and not having any idea where to start. How I’ve learned so many lessons in my most recent years, some good, some not so good, some life changing, and some I wished I knew earlier in life. I feel like your late 20’s are the years where you start to have those “ah-ha” moments. The moments where some of your life questions get answered and you feel like you’re getting a pat on the back from life. I started thinking of those moments that I’ve had, those things I’ve come to terms with at 27 and a half years of life.

1

I can’t stay up past 11:30 PM- That my friends, is being generous. I’m lucky if I stay up past ten on most nights. I’ve always thought that I was more of a morning person, but in the recent months I’ve realized that I’m 100 percent correct. This has some to do with being a new mom but it was that way before as well. I’ve had nights where I plan to stay up late enough to watch Saturday Night Live or Jimmy Fallon. I would turn on all of the lights, go get a sugary coffee drink, and do whatever else I could think of to stay up. I would literally fall asleep right before the show started every single time. I’m not a night owl, never will be.

2

I can’t please everyone- I’ve tried for many years with this one. I like making as many people as I can happy and I like to make sure everyone gets what they want. That’s tiring to say the least. It also sets you up for failure when you can’t make someone happy or when you upset them. It took me a few attempts to realize that no matter how much I try I can’t control the feelings of others. It’s not up to me if they’re happy with me or not and I have to be okay with that.

3

I love Pizza- I’ve really grown to love Pizza. I’ve always liked it, because hello I’m normal, but I’ve found a new love for it the last couple of years. I think it started when Jason and I went to New York for our honeymoon. We found this amazing pizza place and a piece of my heart will forever be there. This pizza gave me a whole new love for that beautiful dough topped with delicious cheese and sauce.

4

I have to pick and choose my battles- In case you didn’t know, I’m stubborn **Cue my family saying yupppp** and you can tell rather easily. I’ve always been the type of person to tell you when I don’t agree with you or when I’m mad at what you’re doing. If I didn’t like it, you could tell. Whether it was an eye roll or a disgusted sigh. I’ve come to realize that I can’t always do this, especially as an adult. I’m going to piss the wrong people off and it’ll lead to bad outcomes. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re passionate about something or have a strong belief in something don’t stop. Never give up your beliefs. But is it worth getting in an argument that involves your close friend and possibly having them upset with you. There are ways to discuss things that don’t have to result in arguments.

5

I am Buddy the Elf- I love Christmas. I could go on and on about how much I love Christmas. November 1st is when I press play on the Christmas music and start spreading the cheer. I’ve met people in the last couple of years who have told me to my face how dumb I am for loving Christmas so much, as early as I do, but I don’t care. It’s something I take so much joy in and I won’t let people crush my holiday spirit.

6

My gut is usually right- If I think something’s wrong, I need to speak up. If I have a bad feeling in my stomach, I need to do something about it. Trusting your gut is sometimes the best thing you can do. I’ve had moments where I’m sitting there thinking to myself “this isn’t right” and I didn’t speak up. Your gut will tell you if you’re in the wrong or not, if you have a bad feeling you should act on it.

7

Candle shopping is one of my favorite past times- The 2 for 22 candle sale at Bath and Body Works gives me life. I have to smell every single candle individually and really think about which candle I’m going to buy. I could be having the worst day ever, but I know that all I have to do is walk into a Bath and Body Works and my day can be fixed instantly.

8

There’s nothing How I Met Your Mother can’t fix- Everyone has a TV Show that makes you laugh. A show where you feel emotionally involved in the fake lives of the characters, for me it’s How I Met Your Mother. I started watching it a couple of years ago and I’ll never look back. I know that if I’m having a bad day, I need some background noise for cleaning, or if I’m just bored this show will boost my spirits one Ted Mosby bad relationship at a time.

9

It’s possible for your whole world to be 20 something pounds and covered in drool- I love my friends, family, and husband, but there’s a special love I have for my son. No matter what is happening in my life I know that at the end of the day he’ll be happy to see me. He’ll be there smiling and clapping his hands at anything and everything. Even when he throws his little fits I can’t get enough of him. my whole world is locked into one little person and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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I’m doing something right- I put a lot of pressure on myself, to do everything right and be as perfect as I can be. When things go wrong I take it personally. Sometimes I feel like I keep screwing things up. It’s normal. But there are little times where I’m reminded that I’m doing just fine. Last Wednesday I got a text from my dad saying he heard our song on the radio (Whitney Houston’s I wanna dance with somebody) and that he thought of me. I see him almost every day and talk to multiple times a day, yet one song made him think of me. It was my little reminder that I must be doing something right.

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Quarter Life Crisis

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Something weird happened the other day. I’ve had four days to try and process it all and that’s the only word I can come up with..weird.

Do you ever have something happen that’s completely unexpected? So unexpected that it hits you in the face like a brick but yet it’s tied up with a pretty pink bow? Something that’s supposed to maybe hurt but it’s done so nicely and by a friend that you truly love and adore that you don’t want it to hurt. It shouldn’t hurt, and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just weird.

I think if this was three or four years ago it would really hurt, and I would feel differently. I would be mad. I would sit in my room and listen to my Taylor Swift sad playlist and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 days until I knew it all by heart. I would overthink everything and really feel like I got stabbed in the back. But I don’t, and that’s weird for me.

I tend to take things personally, think that someone is going out of their way to hurt me, that’s not the case though and that’s what is so weird for me. I am not processing this how I normally process things, I am just content. I realized I cannot control this and I don’t want to.

When I got this news I stared at my phone for a good five minutes, not knowing how I wanted to word my response. It was such a genuine and respectful message that there was no way I could be mad. Honestly I would be mad if I had to find out another way.

Time has passed, I am not the same person I was four years ago. I have so much more respect for myself. I am confident and capable of so much, and it took some time to realize that. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who treats me so much better than I deserve, and together we made a perfect little boy who is my world. Things have changed, I have changed, and I am way better off than this time four years ago.

I think that’s why it doesn’t bother me..because I simply don’t care. I don’t see why I should spend my time being upset or bothered by something that does not change my life in any way. My wonderful life that I wouldn’t want any other way. And that’s what is so weird for me. That’s why it took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and respond, because I wasn’t bothered by it. I wasn’t reacting the way that I really thought I would.

I was at peace with the situation, I was perfectly okay with it, and that’s what is so weird for me..but I’m so happy with how I handled it. Seriously, I deserve a huge pat on the back from myself for this one. I think that’s why this is my quarter life crisis..I was so thrown off by how well I took the news and how little I let it bother me, and that’s what is so weird

Although I wish I could have realized this earlier in life I’m happy I did now. I’m so pleased with myself for not caring. I am so proud of the person I’ve become and the lesson I’ve learned. That’s why I’m writing this, not with the intention to call anyone out for hurting me, because no one did. I’m writing this to hopefully get the attention of anyone who lets others actions affect them. It’s so easy for me to sit here and say not to worry about other people’s actions and to not let them bother you, because for 26 years I did and I still will, but in this situation I learned that I can.

I can not care about people’s actions. I can respect them for handling it the right way and respecting me, but ultimately I don’t care. I am happy with myself and beyond happy with my life that that’s all I need. I don’t need to spend time worrying about the actions of others. I can sit here and be content with something, not let it have a negative affect on me and just move on.

I messed up.

 

Admitting that you’ve made a mistake is so hard, especially if your name is Megan and you always like to be right.

It’s hard, admitting fault, it means you have to be vulnerable and let someone know that you made a mistake, and I have such a hard time doing that.

But I’ve messed up.

I was starting my senior year in College and thought that at this stage in my life I would be completely confident in my own skin, but I was mistaken. I was waiting for that day that I would arrive on campus with my head held high, believing that I could take on anything and everything that year threw at me. I felt like something was missing, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew I needed just one more thing, or person. I had an amazing family, an awesome sister, some great friends, and I was in the best shape of my running career. Still though, I felt like I wasn’t completely whole.

Our first day of Cross Country practice came and I just remember being so excited to get out there and show my coach how hard I had trained that summer. We had finished the workout and were doing some drills in the grass, when my coach told us that we had to find a partner. Now I absolutely hate picking partners. I usually just take the easy way out and pick my sister but she had already picked someone. I stared at the group of girls hoping someone would make eye contact with me and awkwardly smile to confirm our partnership.

She did.

I didn’t know her that well, except for that her voice was a little high pitched and I heard her call a creek a crick.We started doing the wheelbarrow drill, where you hold your partners by their ankles as they walk across the grass on their hands. I got distracted and the next thing I know I heard her yelling my name as the grass left a nice little dirt stain on her face. I had been dragging her across the grass for a good ten feet. I felt terrible, but I must have done something right because she kept wanting to be my partner for things. She also kept talking to me, laughing at my jokes, and wanting to hang out with me outside of practice.

Finally, I had found it.

Our bond was almost instant. I had never met a friend, besides my sister, that I bonded with that quickly. Her advice was my favorite. She would tell me if I needed to suck it up and stop worrying about what other people thought, or if I was making a really bad decision. She would comfort me when I was hurt and threaten to hurt anyone who hurt me.She was the type of friend that I wanted and needed. If I ever came to her upset and needed advice she would tell me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. I will forever be grateful of that the most.

She was there by my side my whole senior year until graduation came. She was just starting her college adventure and I was ending mine. However, I only lived 30 minutes away and it was the easiest commute ever. I had no excuse to not see her.

We talked a lot during the summer. Had some Skype dates, wrote each other letters, and texted daily.

My life started getting a lot harder. I had gotten dumped by my college boyfriend, someone she was friends with, and honestly I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like that put her in a bad spot. I felt bad. I was looking for a job like crazy, and she was still trying to get college figured out. Our lives were going in two different directions, or so I thought, and I kept thinking I was too busy to send a text or make a call. And that was on me.

I know I’m a bad communicator sometimes, which makes absolutely no sense for someone who majored in Communication Studies, and that I suck at keeping in touch with people.

We’re still friends, I’ll still call her my best friend until I can’t anymore. I just feel like I really messed up. I’ve admitted it to her before, that I was so sorry for losing touch and that I would be better about it..but then I got engaged and married, and pregnant and kept making excuses.

When she told me she was moving 2000 miles away it broke my heart. I knew however that it was the best thing for her, and I was so incredibly proud of her. But I was so selfish in that moment. I instantly wished I had handled everything differently after college and wished I could have taken those two years back. I wished a million times that we were as close as we use to be. She might not know it, but that was one of the hardest things for me. Realizing that she wasn’t going to be just 30 minutes away. My biggest fear was that she was going to meet a new best friend and forget about me.

This person is one of the toughest people I have ever met. She is fierce, hilarious, and puts passion into everything she does. I look up to her so much.

It is so hard for me to admit I’m wrong, or that I’ve messed up, but I really did. I let my friendship go from something so strong to something I just did when I could. I want to get back to where it used to be and I hope it’s not too late.

When you have a good thing in your life don’t let it go. Whether it’s a friend, significant other, grandparent, anyone who you used to have contact with and may have lost it, go get it back. Even though it may require a bit of work and admitting that you were wrong it will always be worth it in the end.