10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

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I’d say that I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships.

Not enough to have my own self help book or anything, but enough to learn what not do in the next one.

I would just have these expectations in my mind of what the relationship was supposed to be like.

I blame it on all of the romantic comedies I would watch on weekend nights in bed.

I was never the “go out and party with my friends” type of person.

More like “lay and bed and dream about the perfect guy.”

I would spend so much time thinking about the perfect relationship, that I had to have this perfect relationship to make my life complete.

That my life would only be worth it if I had a boyfriend.

I always go back to one of my favorite quotes by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“and in the end we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, and only love, could heal our brokenness.”

He says it so perfectly.

We’re all so fixated on this idea that love can make everything better, so consumed by it, that we don’t see the red flags in the relationship.

We see what we want to see, and nothing else.

I made my fair share of mistakes from bad relationships that I feel like, helped me get into the wonderful one that I’m in today and will be in for the rest of my life.

I decided that I’d like to share them with you tonight.

So I give you, not in any particular order, 10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

  1. Trust your gut – If you think somethings wrong, you should go with that feeling. Now I’m not saying just thinking somethings wrong because you’re bored or don’t trust yourself. I’m talking about if you really feel in your gut that somethings not right, it probably isn’t. If he butt dials you when he says he’s chilling at home by himself and you hear a party in the background, that might be a red flag. If lying is something they can easily do, they might not be the one for you. Don’t be that girl that finds out he was cheating on you the entire time you were worried. Don’t prove yourself right, it feels awful.
  2. Don’t be “that person”- Don’t be obsessed over everything they do. If he tells you he has this super close friend who’s a girl, unless he gives you a reason to, don’t jump to being jealous. It ultimately proves your insecurities to the other person and does nothing but stress you out. Trust the person you’re with unless they show you otherwise.
  3. Don’t wait to be dumped – If you see the signs that somethings not right, like he ignores your texts and calls for an entire weekend, don’t fight for it. If they don’t show you the same passion that you show for them, why waste your time and energy on them. Don’t be that person that sits and waits for them to tell you what they want, if you don’t want to be treated that way, then don’t.
  4. Don’t go for the people that you think you can “fix” – because you literally never can.
  5. Don’t force what’s not there – If you feel like somethings missing, or they feel like
    somethings missing, don’t hold yourself back from life because you’re trying to force this relationship. If something isn’t meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Forcing something that’s not there isn’t a way to make it better. At the end of the day you’ll have this fake relationship that neither of you need or want.
  6. Don’t change for anyone – I’ve seen too many relationships ruined because someone tried to be exactly what they thought the other person wanted. If he wants this super easy going person, but you’re the one who plans your entire life, why make yourself go crazy when it’s not who you truly are? There is such thing as changing for the better, like changing bad habits or faults that you may have because of the other person. Just don’t change your interests and lose yourself in the search for this perfect relationship.
  7. Listen to your friends and family if they say they don’t like them – The ones closest to you really know who you are. They know what’s going to mesh best with you and what will make you better. If they see any faults in the other person that are concerning enough to bring it up, maybe you should take their opinions into consideration.
  8. Don’t be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship – This one may sound almost stupid but it happens. You’re looking at her. If somethings missing in your life or you see all of your friends getting in relationships, don’t worry about keeping up with them. You don’t need a boyfriend because someone else has one, and you don’t need to force anything because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’ve always told my husband that if we would have had a little girl, I would have preached this to her. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship. Don’t rush it. Wait for the right guy and don’t waste so much energy on the wrong ones.
  9. Don’t let him hurt you – If someone calls you a bad name or tells you that you don’t matter, don’t listen to them. This might sound like another easy one but sometimes people need to see it written in front of them. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to accept their bad behavior. They can hurt you and call you names but apologizing and saying I love you doesn’t always fix it. You don’t have to give anyone second chances they don’t deserve.
  10. Love yourself first – I feel like I’ve gone over this one so many times, but that’s because it’s the most important one. I’ve had relationships where I worry about everything the other person needs and not my own. Don’t get me wrong, a relationship is a partnership and you’re both equal. But you need to love your damn self first. If you love yourself, as much as you possibly can, you’ll find love easier. You’ll find that you know what you want, what you need, and what works best with your personality. You won’t have to change for anyone and won’t have to make it work when it’s not supposed to. When you truly love yourself, love will find you.

There you go.

A little bit of my heart and past relationship advice on this hazy summer night.

I hope, if you need it, you can take some of this and apply it to your life.

Remember it and never forget it.

And I hope that if you’re lucky enough, like myself, to have love.

That you never let it go.

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That time I met the love of my life

It’s when you least expect it.

That’s what you always hear.

That you’ll meet the love of your life the moment you least expect it.

There’s more to it though.

You can’t run around life thinking to yourself..

Is it going to happen now?

How about now?

What if this is the unexpected moment when I meet the love of my life.

You just can’t do that.

It won’t happen.

Trust me.

I spent so many years wondering those things to myself.

Relying so much on the empty hope that this was that unexpected moment where I meet the love of my life.

It’s so simple looking back at it now.

The moment you meet the love of your life isn’t when you least expect it, it’s when your life is where you expect it to be.

When you decide to take charge and start living the life you want, and start appreciating everything you are, that’s when it happens.

I actually met the love of my life when I was dating someone.

I went to my old high school to visit a teacher who was retiring.

My sister was coaching with our old track team and suggested that I just come with her to their practice.

I stood awkwardly, like I do best, on the side of the track, waiting for practice to start.

My sister stood next to the kids she coached to take attendance when she noticed the head distance coach coming.

She gave me this look like “quick pretend you’re me and I’ll hide” and proceeded to hide in the middle of the runners.

He came over to me and just started talking faster than me, which I didn’t think was possible.

“Hey what’s up (highfive) you look dressed up today what’s going on, so today for practice I was thinking.”

I had to interrupt him because I felt bad.

I told him that I was Janelle’s twin sister and she was off hiding in the middle of the kids.

And that was it.

There weren’t sparks in the air, and I didn’t instantly know.

I think it’s because I wasn’t in the right place.

I thought poorly of myself and was in a bad relationship.

I wasn’t ready to love someone let alone myself.

Fast forward a couple of months to me getting dumped with a lot of time on my hands.

I worked weird hours at my job where I didn’t start work until 2:30 in the afternoon, leaving so much spare time in the morning.

I decided to see if I could help coach with my sisters team during the summer.

Something I loved doing, running.

Something that my ex didn’t want me to do.

Something that might help bring some extra joy to my life.

She was going to be working and needed someone to take her place.

A few days later I got a message on Facebook from the person I had earlier tricked into thinking I was my sister, Jason.

He asked me about coaching and said that he was super excited to meet me.

Again, didn’t think anything of it.

A couple of days later he had posted a picture on Facebook that I liked, within minutes I received another message.

It was after I got off of work, so around midnight or so.

I stared at my phone.

My heart started beating incredibly fast.

What do I do.

What do I say.

He literally asked me a question but I found myself getting nervous.

I hadn’t even started coaching yet, why was he interested in talking to me.

I remember talking to myself.

“He’s so cute, but older than you Megan, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER.”

I responded back and we just started talking.

A few conversations turned into days.

Talking to him was the easiest feeling.

I was so nervous to start coaching, hanging around with him.

He was so cute.

I was finally in that place where I wanted to be.

I had fallen in love with myself, started coaching, and appreciated everything that my life was.

I had spent so much time with myself that I can say I truly loved myself for everything that I was.

I can’t speak for him.

I don’t know what he was thinking about that night he first messaged me, or that day when he thought I was my sister.

But I knew when we first started talking that he was special.

I knew I needed him in my life one way or another.

He had become my best friend.

I couldn’t imagine a day not talking to him.

It wasn’t easy though.

I had to wait for him to get to where he expected to be.

I had to wait for him to figure out what he wanted and where he wanted to be.

If you know me at all, you know that I like to control everything, but I couldn’t control this.

It was probably one of the biggest moments in my life up to that point.

Deciding I couldn’t control this.

That I had to let things happen the way they were meant to be.

I had finally gotten to a place where I was comfortable enough with myself that I could wait.

Not stress.

Not obsess.

But wait.

That if it was meant to be it would happen.

And it did.

It wasn’t easy.

Waiting.

But it was worth it.

When both people are in the right place, wonderful things can happen.

That summer I fell in love with my best friend.

The love of my life and now amazing husband and father to our wonderful son.

It doesn’t happen with you least expect it.

It happens when you’re at this point in your life when you’re happy and you stop thinking about it.

It happens that moment you decide to love yourself.

That moment you decide to let things happen the way their supposed to happen.