10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

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I’d say that I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships.

Not enough to have my own self help book or anything, but enough to learn what not do in the next one.

I would just have these expectations in my mind of what the relationship was supposed to be like.

I blame it on all of the romantic comedies I would watch on weekend nights in bed.

I was never the “go out and party with my friends” type of person.

More like “lay and bed and dream about the perfect guy.”

I would spend so much time thinking about the perfect relationship, that I had to have this perfect relationship to make my life complete.

That my life would only be worth it if I had a boyfriend.

I always go back to one of my favorite quotes by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“and in the end we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, and only love, could heal our brokenness.”

He says it so perfectly.

We’re all so fixated on this idea that love can make everything better, so consumed by it, that we don’t see the red flags in the relationship.

We see what we want to see, and nothing else.

I made my fair share of mistakes from bad relationships that I feel like, helped me get into the wonderful one that I’m in today and will be in for the rest of my life.

I decided that I’d like to share them with you tonight.

So I give you, not in any particular order, 10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

  1. Trust your gut – If you think somethings wrong, you should go with that feeling. Now I’m not saying just thinking somethings wrong because you’re bored or don’t trust yourself. I’m talking about if you really feel in your gut that somethings not right, it probably isn’t. If he butt dials you when he says he’s chilling at home by himself and you hear a party in the background, that might be a red flag. If lying is something they can easily do, they might not be the one for you. Don’t be that girl that finds out he was cheating on you the entire time you were worried. Don’t prove yourself right, it feels awful.
  2. Don’t be “that person”- Don’t be obsessed over everything they do. If he tells you he has this super close friend who’s a girl, unless he gives you a reason to, don’t jump to being jealous. It ultimately proves your insecurities to the other person and does nothing but stress you out. Trust the person you’re with unless they show you otherwise.
  3. Don’t wait to be dumped – If you see the signs that somethings not right, like he ignores your texts and calls for an entire weekend, don’t fight for it. If they don’t show you the same passion that you show for them, why waste your time and energy on them. Don’t be that person that sits and waits for them to tell you what they want, if you don’t want to be treated that way, then don’t.
  4. Don’t go for the people that you think you can “fix” – because you literally never can.
  5. Don’t force what’s not there – If you feel like somethings missing, or they feel like
    somethings missing, don’t hold yourself back from life because you’re trying to force this relationship. If something isn’t meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Forcing something that’s not there isn’t a way to make it better. At the end of the day you’ll have this fake relationship that neither of you need or want.
  6. Don’t change for anyone – I’ve seen too many relationships ruined because someone tried to be exactly what they thought the other person wanted. If he wants this super easy going person, but you’re the one who plans your entire life, why make yourself go crazy when it’s not who you truly are? There is such thing as changing for the better, like changing bad habits or faults that you may have because of the other person. Just don’t change your interests and lose yourself in the search for this perfect relationship.
  7. Listen to your friends and family if they say they don’t like them – The ones closest to you really know who you are. They know what’s going to mesh best with you and what will make you better. If they see any faults in the other person that are concerning enough to bring it up, maybe you should take their opinions into consideration.
  8. Don’t be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship – This one may sound almost stupid but it happens. You’re looking at her. If somethings missing in your life or you see all of your friends getting in relationships, don’t worry about keeping up with them. You don’t need a boyfriend because someone else has one, and you don’t need to force anything because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’ve always told my husband that if we would have had a little girl, I would have preached this to her. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship. Don’t rush it. Wait for the right guy and don’t waste so much energy on the wrong ones.
  9. Don’t let him hurt you – If someone calls you a bad name or tells you that you don’t matter, don’t listen to them. This might sound like another easy one but sometimes people need to see it written in front of them. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to accept their bad behavior. They can hurt you and call you names but apologizing and saying I love you doesn’t always fix it. You don’t have to give anyone second chances they don’t deserve.
  10. Love yourself first – I feel like I’ve gone over this one so many times, but that’s because it’s the most important one. I’ve had relationships where I worry about everything the other person needs and not my own. Don’t get me wrong, a relationship is a partnership and you’re both equal. But you need to love your damn self first. If you love yourself, as much as you possibly can, you’ll find love easier. You’ll find that you know what you want, what you need, and what works best with your personality. You won’t have to change for anyone and won’t have to make it work when it’s not supposed to. When you truly love yourself, love will find you.

There you go.

A little bit of my heart and past relationship advice on this hazy summer night.

I hope, if you need it, you can take some of this and apply it to your life.

Remember it and never forget it.

And I hope that if you’re lucky enough, like myself, to have love.

That you never let it go.

โค

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Advice to my younger self.

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If I could, I would give my younger self a lot of advice.

Advice that I knowingly wouldn’t want to hear.

You see…it may be hard to believe..but as a child I was very stubborn.

Shocker I know.

I would roll my eyes to almost anything my parents told me to do.

But they shouldn’t be mad, I did it to everyone who tried to tell me what to do.

I thought I knew all of life’s answers.

Especially when it came to boys.

Don’t date him Megan he’s a bad kid.

Maybe you should focus on school and not boys.

Megan he cheated on someone before, what makes you think he won’t do it again?

I had heard it all.

Ya see..I thought I had these magic powers.

That I could change someone.

If a guy was a jerk or hadn’t always been faithful in a relationship, I thought I was going to be that person to change him.

That wasn’t just something I did when I was younger, I did it up into my early twenties.

It isn’t the smartest thing to do.

To think that you can change someone.

You literally have no control over what they choose to do.

That was just a small part of my problem growing up.

From middle school to my first year out of college, I was consumed with this thought.

The thought that I needed to have a boyfriend.

I can sit here and blame it on Kate Hudson for days but that’s not the full reason and I know it.

I was fascinated with this idea of love.

I had seen my parents, grandparents, and couples on television completely in love and happy.

So that had to have meant that if you had love, you would be happy.

I wanted someone to love me like that.

Someone to sweep me off of my feet.

To show me affection the way couples in love did.

To quote a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, “that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff.”

That’s what I wanted.

And I was so consumed with this thought that only true love would make me happy that I didn’t even think of falling in love with the person I saw in the mirror every day.

Not in this conceded kind of way.

But the way where you truly appreciate yourself.

Where you love your flaws, your fears, and everything in between.

That’s the love I should have been focusing on.

Not the love of a stupid boy.

And boys are stupid.

I had a conversation with some girls that I coach yesterday.

My sister and I were hanging around them as they talked about cute boys.

I told them the one piece of advice I wish I would have listened to when I was younger.

Boys are stupid in high school.

And in College too.

Just focus on yourself and the good ones will come.

Now that’s not to say that you can’t marry your high school or college sweetheart.

That’s not at all what I’m saying.

But we’re all just trying to figure life out

We’re all still making mistakes and learning from them.

You can’t expect this big love from someone who doesn’t love themselves yet.

Dating is fine, it’s how we know what we like or dislike in someone that we want as a partner in life.

But being so fixated on finding love isn’t.

I wanted someone to love me so badly that I was looking for it in the wrong people.

Out of all of the boys I liked growing up, I only had one really good relationship.

And they taught me so much about what I wanted in a relationship.

We’re even still friends today.

That’s how I know it was good.

And I’m not necessarily blaming the boys I dated for our bad relationships.

They were all just still figuring life out.

The liars and the cheaters, well they still had a lot to figure out.

But why did I want so badly to find a love with someone who didn’t even know what he wanted.

I wanted love so badly I was blind to everything else.

I was spending hours and hours talking to boys who didn’t really care what I wanted to do after high school.

Giving my heart to boys who would just step on it days later.

Lying to the people I loved most just to protect the boy I was dating.

I did it all.

I was so dumb.

That’s not nice but whatever, when it came to boys I was dumb.

I had good grades, was an pretty good athlete, but could have been so much better if I wasn’t thinking about having a boyfriend so much.

That’s the one piece of advice I would give my younger self.

Out of everything in this world, it would be to not focus so much on having a boyfriend.

To just focus on yourself, and the right one will come to you.

Think about it.

If you have no idea what you want out of life, or even who you are, how do you expect to find this big love.

And if you don’t know who you are growing up, do you think everyone else does?

Chances are no.

No one knows who they are.

We’re all just figuring out life.

When we’re ready, when we finally seem to have this idea of who we are.

When we truly start to love ourselves.

That’s when we’ll find that kind of love.

โค