Making excuses and taking chances.

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I’m super hard on myself, as in I hold myself to high standards, and if I mess up in any sort of fashion I’ll let myself have it.

Back in January I started the Megan’s Month part of my blog. It was meant for me to look back on at the end of 2017 and summarize my year and look at the different highlights and small things that made that year what it was.

I completely dropped the ball and didn’t do September.

In case anyone’s keeping track and who knows if anyone really is.

I knew it was approaching, last week I kept thinking to myself that September 30th was coming up and that I needed to write my Megan’s Month post for that month.

I thought about it on Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Friday.

And Saturday.

Next thing I know, it’s Sunday and I’m decorating the house for Halloween, completely disregarding the one goal I had for last week.

I was hard on myself.

Internally

That’s where all of my best dialogue comes from honestly.

I think a lot, there’s not a time of day where I don’t have several different thoughts floating around in my head.

Pep talks.

Tough love.

Hours on end convincing myself to do what it is I’m afraid to do.

That happened this last week, when I realized I hadn’t written my monthly post.

Lots of internal dialogue between me and myself, like I said before, I’m hard on myself.

And I had an excuse.

Which is weird for me because I feel like excuses are weak and I don’t like to accept them.

But I did.

I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks and honestly, it took priority over a lot of things..including my blog.

If I was going to write something, I wanted it to be good, not something I just put together for the purpose of just having a blog post.

So I waited.

And let that other thing consume most of me.

If you know me, you know that I obsess over things.

It could be a Netflix show, my love for pizza, or a new artist I just discovered.

I let things consume me until it’s all I can think about.

I like to think of it as a passion for life and those things that I love.

Others might call it annoying.

To each it’s own right?

So this thing was consuming me, this possibility of change.

This big step I was going to try and take, and the change that it would be to my routine I’ve had for the last almost five years.

I had decided that it was time to apply for a new job and possibly leave the place I had called my second home since March of 2013.

It’s scary.

Taking that step.

Willing to leave what’s comfortable for a new experience.

Putting yourself out there in fear of rejection.

Applying for jobs sucks.

Plain and simple.

This time wasn’t as bad, and if I didn’t have the help of my wonderful brother and his insane interviewing skills I don’t know if it would have gone as well as it did.

Again, I’m my own worst critic and I’m hard on myself. So after each step in the process I had my doubts.

Luckily I had an awesome family who assured me that I did all that I could.

I ended up being offered a chance to step into this new opportunity.

A chance to say yes to something new.

As of late next week, I’ll get to call McKay High School home again.

To say I wanted to job baldly would be a giant understatement.

I’m insanely excited to start this new journey, slightly nervous but so excited.

So yes I’m making an excuse.

And I’m allowing myself to not be mad for missing a deadline I had created.

I’m saying no to being hard on myself for the small things.

And yes to being excited about this new opportunity I’ve been so lucky to have received.

At the end of the day, being hard on yourself literally solves nothing.

Obsessing is fine, just not over the bad things.

Obsessing about the possibility to do something you want so badly is just fine, in my opinion.

So here’s to new possibilities.

To telling yourself to shut up every once and a while, and just doing what you want.

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Happy Birthday Curtis

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Happy Birthday Curtis.

Lets be real, if this was just between us, I would have replaced your name with something inappropriate.

That’s how we are. We joke around and give each other a hard time.

It wasn’t always like that though, at several different times throughout my life I thought your sole purpose was to make my life hell.

I thought all you wanted to do was irritate me and make things hard for me.

And I was partially right.

For 25 years now you have irritated me and made things hard for me..and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I always know you’re in a good mood when you pick on me or call me a name, that’s how I know things are fine. It’s those times when you’re super quiet that I know somethings up. Believe it or not, I look forward to seeing you because I know you’re goings to give me crap.

I enjoy it.

It took me 22 years to realize that.

That you give me a hard time to get me to loosen up and to laugh at myself every once in awhile. Or to simply just mess with me, because you’re my little brother and that’s your job. You’re allowed to.

It’s because of you that I don’t take things personally and I don’t get upset about words. You’ve helped me get tough skin and helped me develop a sense of humor. Because of you, I have learned to laugh at myself. I have learned to not always take things so seriously and to try and not care what others think.

You’re so carefree and so free spirited.

I envy that so much about you.

You don’t care at all about what other people think, I can’t do that.

You don’t think twice about going on an adventure or doing something crazy, I can’t do that.

You do whatever will make you happiest without overthinking it, I can’t do that.

I aspire to be like that.

You are unapologetically yourself.

I told you recently that I looked up to you, and you said you didn’t know why..this is why.

Because you are the things that I aspire to be.

You have also worked so incredibly hard to get to where you are in life. Most people can only hope of doing the things you’ve done by 25.

If you would have asked me at any point growing up if I looked up to you I would have laughed.

My annoying little brother? No never.

I didn’t realize that the older we got, the cooler you would get.

The more excited I would be to see you, and the more I would learn from you.

You really are a great little brother.

I’m so thankful to have you as my brother, I brag about you to people at work and my friends when they ask how you are.

I’m so unbelievably proud of the person you’ve become and I can’t wait to see what more you do in life.

I know you will continue to do great things.

I will keep this short, because you’re not the sentimental type, and I’m not even sure if you’ll see this.

I just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am, and that I am so thankful that you’re my brother.

Happy Birthday Curtis.