Halfway through 2019.

Hey! It’s me!

Long time no talk!

I haven’t seen you since December 8th 2018.

How have you been?

This year has been amazing so far, and I haven’t blogged about any of it.

I turned 29.

Started a podcast with my sister.

Watched my athlete take 3rd at the state meet in the 110 meter hurdles.

Visited Disneyland and Harry Potter world with my family.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss it, because I do, but I don’t miss how much pressure I put on myself to write blog posts and make them as perfect as I could.

I put a lot of pressure on myself with everything I do, and my blog is no exception.

It would lead to poorly written, or forced blog posts that I wasn’t proud of. I loved it when I first started blogging, but hated it towards the end.

It became a chore.

The one outlet that I had made for myself was becoming a chore.

It was also taking time away from the one goal that I had for myself.

The one thing that lit my soul on fire just at the thought of.

I wanted to write this book so bad.

I just kept telling myself that I didn’t have time, and honestly, I really didn’t have a lot of time.

Between being a mom, wife, daughter, coach, and full time employee there wasn’t much time.

I just made time.

You know that feeling?

When you want something so badly that you’ll do anything to get it?

That was me.

I knew that I had to write this book this year.

I knew that it would mean getting to bed a little later and waking up a little earlier.

That I would have to stay off of Netflix and write instead.

Which if you know me, is extremely difficult.

Quitting blogging helped. In fact, if I hadn’t stopped I honestly don’t think I could have done it.

It wasn’t a perfect process though.

It was hard.

There wasn’t a single day while writing my book that I didn’t worry.

I worried that no one besides my immediate family would read it.

I worried that it would be awful.

I worried that I couldn’t do it.

I wish I could tell you that something just clicked and reminded me of my goals.

Or that I had some life changing event that made me push through the negative thoughts.

But I didn’t.

I just kept going.

I listened to those negative thoughts, realized that my fears were real and fine to feel, and kept going anyways.

That’s the thing about fears, others peoples opinions, and negative thoughts.

They don’t go away.

Maybe some of them do eventually, or a large majority of them if you’re lucky, but they’re always there.

Don’t let anyone fool you, there’s no magic cure for it.

You just have to keep going.

I realized recently that fears aren’t always bad.

Worries and negative thoughts aren’t the end all.

They don’t mean that you’re broken.

They’re there to challenge you.

To remind you to keep fighting.

I was reminded of that this May.

To fight, and to always keep fighting.

From a really good talk with a really good person.

And I kept that with me throughout the end of June, when I finally finished my book, rough draft and all.

I definitely grew throughout the entire process.

Going back and reading chapters I can see how my thoughts evolved and grew the more I wrote.

It was one of the scariest and most rewarding things that I have ever done.

Going towards the directions of my dreams, regardless of the fears that surrounded the path to it.

I turn 30 this year.

Well not this exact year but my next birthday on February 8th 2020.

I’ll be 30.

I wanted to make this last year in my twenties a special one.

A way to reflect on the last ten years of my life.

Ten years that completely rocked my world.

Ten years that taught me every single lesson I could possibly think of.

With the help of my grandma and some inspiration from the very first blog post I ever wrote, I did just that.

Reflected on the last ten years.

I decided to write a book about the twenty lessons that I learned in my twenties , lessons that turned me into the person I am today.

Someone who broke a heart, found love, had cancer, dreamed big, and learned how to be a friend.

This book is my entire heart.

Literally.

It’s all in that binder that my sweet husband is currently going through editing.

It’s scary though.

He’s reading what I wrote.

He could hate it.

He could love it.

It’s officially out in the universe to someone.

I said back in December that I would share what it was about when it’s done so here it is.

This is normally where I would say something like “you may not care” or “if anyone even reads it” but it’s time I start accepting my accomplishments and taking pride in them.

I’ve written this book that I’m extremely proud of and it’s very special to me.

You’ll have your hands on it sometime in the fall, so get excited.

I quit.

 

I’m quitting.

You may care.

Or you may not.

But I’ve decided to quit blogging.

Sort of.

It was one of my resolutions for 2018 to start my book.

I’ve talked about it a handful of times on this blog.

But it’s my biggest life goal.

(Besides visiting every major league baseball stadium)

This whole “Blog to 2019” challenge felt very forced this year.

That should have been my first sign.

I had trouble coming up with blog post ideas.

And when I did, I didn’t want to do any of the ones I came up with.

Except the ones that were posted so far.

Those were all special to me and I wanted to do them.

They weren’t supposed to go up until later this month, but I wanted to write them.

I made a decision to follow through and post those ones but quit after.

And that’s what this post is.

It’s my notice that I’m quitting.

I interviewed my grandma last week.

When I asked her what she wanted from me in life, she said she wanted me to write my book.

It hit me.

Hard.

Despite what I want to think, my grandparents won’t be around forever.

And if she wants me to write this book.

I’m writing this book.

So she can read it.

I’ve had one idea in my mind for awhile.

Then another.

And a third idea.

I never told anyone those ideas.

When interviewing my grandma I mentioned that I had a few ideas floating around and she said something that I’m not going to repeat.

She said something that gave me my final idea.

She inspired the theme of this book.

And I won’t tell anyone.

No one knows except me.

And it’s going to stay that way until it’s done.

If she remembers what she said, my grandma might know too.

I’m going to be stopping this blog challenge early to write my book.

I’ll keep writing for my blog.

But they’re going to be monthly book writing updates.

That’s about it.

I have a strict timeline in my mind and I have to get to work.

Sorry if I let anyone down.

If anyone cares.

But it’s whats going to happen.

I’ve made a “word” for the year.

A word that I’m going to live by, and a word that’s going to help me reach my goals.

And that word is pursue.

I’m going to be 30 in a little more than a year.

And that’s crazy to me.

I only have one more year of being a twenty something and I need to make it count.

This blog made me so comfortable with writing.

It made me never want to stop.

I can’t believe that people like reading it and care enough to keep reading it.

I hope you’ll read my book too.

I’ll update everyone on here as my book comes.

This blog won’t go away, it’ll just be taking a mini vacation.

I don’t want to completely disappear from it without an explanation.

So here it is.

I’m quitting my blog to pursue my dreams.

Bye for now. ❤

That time I read a book that changed my life.

 

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I’ve talked about it several times before.

The summer of 2013.

It was a pivotal time in my life.

A time where I was lost.

And a time where I found myself.

A time where I started a new adventure.

And met the love of my life.

It was the start to finding who I really was and loving myself to the fullest.

It started with reading a book.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

I didn’t really read up until that point.

Honestly I didn’t have the attention span for it.

But I had found myself in a place where I had lots of spare time and nothing to fill it with.

I decided to pick up this book that I heard was going to be a movie soon.

I had heard so many things about it and decided maybe this would be a good way to fill my time.

Little did I know that it would be the start to my road of self discovery.

Once I started reading this book I couldn’t stop.

I’ve always heard people say that when it came to reading.

They would start a book and literally not be able to put it down.

That the book was that good.

This is how this book was for me.

I would stay up late just to read.

I even took it to my job when we had down time and read.

I finished it in two days.

Which for me was huge.

The way that John Green wrote made it so easy for me to take in everything.

The tale of love and loss put my entire life into perspective.

It made me fall in love with myself and see my life from a new point of view.

A friend of mine, who was going through a difficult time, asked me to borrow it after I was finished.

He told me that it also changed his life.

He was going through a weird time and was lost himself. It gave him a brand new perspective.

We both bonded over it.

A month or so later he gave me a signed copy of it, and it’s one of my favorite things.

I made my mom read it and she loved it as well.

We went to see the movie together and I started crying at the opening credits.

The book that changed me was coming to life.

I tried reading other books by John Green, and they were really good.

But nothing got me like this book did.

I remember the night I finished it, I was at work.

I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall.

I cried.

I couldn’t stop crying.

I had invested so much of myself into this book.

It hit me so hard.

From that moment on I was different.

I read more.

Smiled more.

Found joy in everything that I could.

Took more selfies.

Found the beauty in my solitude.

From that moment on I was hopeful.

Hopeful that things would turn around.

That if I started living the life that I knew I wanted things would happen.

Things would fall into place.

I can’t put my finger on my favorite line of the book, or the exact moment that I knew I was reading something special.

It was the entire thing.

All 317 pages.

The relationship between Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace Lancaster gave me hope that my days would get better.

It made me take the plunge into loving myself so that I could fully love others.

I feel like books can do that to you.

They can make you forget.

They can allow you to lose yourself in something.

Giving you this idea that things will get better.

That you’ll be okay.

It feels weird to say out loud.

That a book made for young adults could change the life of a 23 year old.

But it did.

This book is something that’ll I’ll always hold near to my heart.

The book that started it all.

The reason my life took a turn for the better.

If you get a chance you should read it.

You won’t regret it.