I came in like a wrecking ball.

I am very type A.

I know I’ve mentioned it over and over again but that’s because it’s true.

Have you ever seen that episode of friends where everyone gives Monica a hard time about leaving a pair of shoes out? She lays in bed at night and can’t sleep because she wants nothing more than to move the shoes where they’re supposed to be.

She even considers moving them and getting up early before everyone else and moving them back?

Hi, hello, it’s me…I’m Monica.

I like to have everything figured out, planned out, and color coded. Some may say that I’m being a “control freak” but it honestly makes my soul so happy.

I’ll happily wear a “hello my name is control freak” name tag.

I came in real hot for the start of this year. I had wanted to do all of the things. Seriously.

There were so many things that I wanted to do and it was so overwhelming.

I even changed my word for the year because it was stressing me out. I had to admit that I was wrong and take a step back. I was forced to take just a few things to work on this year that were the most important to me.

You see..it’s okay to want to do so many things..but that stuff gets to me. My favorite quote is “you can do anything but not everything” and it hits home for me so hard.

I find myself getting caught up in this idea that I need to do A, B, and C…and D, E, F, and G for good measure. If I don’t do everything that I’ve set out to do, I am a failure.

It was January 1st and I was already stressed out from all of my goals this year.

I talked to my husband and told him I was overwhelmed, that I could already see myself just hating all of these things that I wanted to do so bad. He asked me what I wanted to do the most and to focus on those things.

So that’s what I decided to do.

I changed my word, made a new vision board, wrote out a new workout routine and set out to have the best year ever.

The first full week of 2020 was amazing. I had prepped these amazing lunches for work with the help of my dad and his amazing cooking skills, I was crushing my workouts, and I was going to bed after reading a chapter of a book. All things that made my heart happy.

I had even started to write down what I was thankful every morning. I purchased a journal and every morning as I drank my pre-workout I would write down what I was grateful for and my intention for the day.

I was seriously killing it.

Until Sunday January 12th happened.

I woke up with a sore throat and it progressed as the day came to a close. Monday morning rolled around and I had to call out sick for work, and for Tuesday as well. I tried to go in on Wednesday but only made it half of the day. I couldn’t even go in on Thursday. Friday finally came around and I was able to drag myself out of bed and go to work.

I was so frustrated.

I had let myself down.

The week before went so well! I was positive, motivated, and ready to crush anything that came my way.

So why was everything completely turned upside down the very next week?

I have only done a handful of workouts since getting sick, I haven’t read my book all but a few times, and I haven’t written in my gratitude journal since the day I got sick.

Why am I giving up?

Why do I have to force myself out of bed when just a couple of weeks ago I hopped out of bed ready for the day?

I have been feeling so off since I got sick, and I am at the point where I realize it and I’m not happy with it. I’m ready to be the version of me that started out the new year strong.

Whenever I’m feeling off I read some of my best friends old blog posts. I can’t explain why, but they make me remember why I started writing. They remind me that I use to just write to write. That I wasn’t trying to make a post that people would “want” to read. That I wasn’t trying to come up with fluff pieces because that’s what everyone else was doing. That I love writing because it’s my outlet, it brings me happiness. I want my blog to get back to that. To be my happy place.

I took this from my best friends blog today and I’m going to use it as motivation for the rest of the week.

This morning, I could have hit snooze. I could have rolled back over, spent my morning off cozy in bed without the worry of an alarm. This morning I chose love. I chose to get my butt out of bed, hit the yoga studio, then hit the trail for some miles before the sun came up. This morning, like many others I chose to start my day off with something I love. And I am happier because of it.

It’s crazy how something she wrote on February 15th 2017 can be so incredibly relevant to me now almost three years later.

So here I am saying I’m going to snap out of this funk and get back to being me. The me that I love and the me that gets stuff done.

As far as my blog goes? Expect more posts like this. More posts talking about things that I love, things that are hard, and me trying new things. I turn 30 this year, and I won’t do it quietly.

pictures

My word.

Hey blog, long time no see!

It’s been quite some time since I wrote a blog post and updated anyone on anything.

I was a little busy chasing my dreams, dreams that I accomplished.

I wrote my book!

The one thing I set out for myself to do in 2019.

It was extremely time consuming and I would be lying if I said it was easy.

I definitely argued with myself numerous times over anything and everything. From the title of the book to trying to figure out how many pages I could get, it was so incredibly stressful.

I’ll save the book writing process for another blog post.

I wanted to hop back on because today is new years eve, and I love new years eve.

Setting goals for the new year, aspiring to do more, chasing after my dreams.

I love the fresh start.

If you go back to some of my earlier new year’s posts, you’ll see that I had resolutions.

I usually had 10 resolutions that I would make, and chances were things wouldn’t always work out.

I would spend some time working on one resolution and ignore the rest.

Or maybe I would put all of my energy on one resolution and do nothing with the others.

It wasn’t very balanced and the resolutions weren’t attainable as a whole.

I realized this when I made resolutions for 2018 and only went through with a couple of them. I ended the year disappointed and far from hopeful for the upcoming year.

It wasn’t until I had seen people coming up with words instead of resolutions that I gained a little bit of hope.

It was a different approach to something that I loved doing, so why not give it a shot?

I went after a word that would motivate me. A word that would push me outside of my comfort zone and to allow me to stop making excuses.

I had wanted to write a book for so long and I kept making excuses as to why I couldn’t do it.

Until 2019.

I decided that this was the year I was going to pursue my goals.

Pursue.

The word that helped guide me through 2019.

This word was stuck in my head all throughout the year.

This word was always at the forefront of everything I was doing.

From pursuing my book to pursuing help with my mental health.

2019 was my strongest year yet.

Yes, I doubted myself.

Yes, I went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs.

I went after things that scared me and things that pushed me more than I ever thought possible.

I knew after just a couple of months into this year, that I was going to keep picking words for the year and not resolutions.

Not that anything’s wrong with resolutions, I think anything that pushes you to do more with your life is great.

I just found that words work better for me.

A simple word that kept me doing everything with an intention.

Whatever it was that I was doing, I was always pursuing more.

If something scared me or was going to make me uncomfortable, I reminded myself to pursue it.

No matter what happened this word was always there.

I decided to pick a word this year that would do the same thing.

A word that, no matter what, would remind me to do more.

A word that would push me outside of my comfort zone and remind me of my goals.

Create.

The goals I have this year are big, they scare me, but that’s a good thing.

The goals that I have can’t be accomplished until I create more.

I want to create more happy habits.

Create daily gratitude and intention habits.

Create my next book.

Create more around this blog and myself.

Create something that can help others.

Create.

This word will remind me to always do more when I feel like not doing anything.

To get outside of my comfort zone because good things can come from outside of it.

That I can do absolutely anything I want to do, regardless of the fear of judgments from others.

I always said growing up that I wasn’t creative. I just took it and went with it.

I don’t want that to be my excuse anymore. I want to take the things that scare me and run with them.

Do more with them.

I’m excited for this year.

I’m excited for my word.

I’m turning 30 this year, and I want to enter my thirties as the best version of myself.

I’m excited to see what this year brings.

My blog is officially back up and I have so many things on the horizon.

The podcast I started this year with my sister is going strong.

I’ll be starting my second book.

I’m creating a weekly newsletter for anyone who wants to participate in it.

I want to grow more and create more in every aspect of my life.

Make sure to stick around and join me for this journey.

The name of this blog is “Beyond Twenty Something” and I will continue to keep it as that.

Because I am so much more than a twenty something who’s entering the next decade in her life.

I am beyond twenty something.

30.

create

 

I quit.

 

I’m quitting.

You may care.

Or you may not.

But I’ve decided to quit blogging.

Sort of.

It was one of my resolutions for 2018 to start my book.

I’ve talked about it a handful of times on this blog.

But it’s my biggest life goal.

(Besides visiting every major league baseball stadium)

This whole “Blog to 2019” challenge felt very forced this year.

That should have been my first sign.

I had trouble coming up with blog post ideas.

And when I did, I didn’t want to do any of the ones I came up with.

Except the ones that were posted so far.

Those were all special to me and I wanted to do them.

They weren’t supposed to go up until later this month, but I wanted to write them.

I made a decision to follow through and post those ones but quit after.

And that’s what this post is.

It’s my notice that I’m quitting.

I interviewed my grandma last week.

When I asked her what she wanted from me in life, she said she wanted me to write my book.

It hit me.

Hard.

Despite what I want to think, my grandparents won’t be around forever.

And if she wants me to write this book.

I’m writing this book.

So she can read it.

I’ve had one idea in my mind for awhile.

Then another.

And a third idea.

I never told anyone those ideas.

When interviewing my grandma I mentioned that I had a few ideas floating around and she said something that I’m not going to repeat.

She said something that gave me my final idea.

She inspired the theme of this book.

And I won’t tell anyone.

No one knows except me.

And it’s going to stay that way until it’s done.

If she remembers what she said, my grandma might know too.

I’m going to be stopping this blog challenge early to write my book.

I’ll keep writing for my blog.

But they’re going to be monthly book writing updates.

That’s about it.

I have a strict timeline in my mind and I have to get to work.

Sorry if I let anyone down.

If anyone cares.

But it’s whats going to happen.

I’ve made a “word” for the year.

A word that I’m going to live by, and a word that’s going to help me reach my goals.

And that word is pursue.

I’m going to be 30 in a little more than a year.

And that’s crazy to me.

I only have one more year of being a twenty something and I need to make it count.

This blog made me so comfortable with writing.

It made me never want to stop.

I can’t believe that people like reading it and care enough to keep reading it.

I hope you’ll read my book too.

I’ll update everyone on here as my book comes.

This blog won’t go away, it’ll just be taking a mini vacation.

I don’t want to completely disappear from it without an explanation.

So here it is.

I’m quitting my blog to pursue my dreams.

Bye for now. ❤

Blog to 2019 Day 2: How to be unapologetically yourself?

day 2

How to be unapologetically yourself?

By far one of the toughest questions I’ve ever been asked.

By someone who I really admire.

I asked people on Instagram the other week if they had any advice for me.

This was the first question I got.

It definitely left my puzzled.

What does it even mean, to be unapologetically yourself?

And do I somehow reflect that to others?

That I am truly unapologetically myself?

Because I wasn’t sure if I was.

I literally question everything.

I doubt myself.

And I wouldn’t say I’m confident.

Far from it, and that’s been a struggle since I was 17.

But I own that.

I own these faults.

I own my mistakes

Because they make me who I am.

Those times I chased down love that didn’t exist.

The times I followed others hoping it would lead me to myself.

Everything I’ve done in life made me who I am right now.

Every scar.

Broken heart.

Mistake.

Has formed the person who I see every morning in the mirror.

And I love her so much.

She’s been through some tough shit.

But she knows how to own it.

You kind of just have to accept it.

Accept those things that you think are flaws.

Those are you.

Because guess what?

We all have them.

Maybe some worse than others.

But we’re all messed up.

We just live in this weird time.

A time that our parents didn’t have to grow up in.

Where all you have to do is pull up Instagram or Facebook and instantly lose self esteem.

People are going to try and tell you that they’re life is perfect.

And it’ll leave you questioning yours.

You might not realize it but it totally does.

Here’s a secret.

None of us have perfect lives.

Why waste your time being so worried about having everything perfect? Or worried about how others perceive you?

My dad never sugar coated things for me as a kid, and I will forever be grateful for that.

I take so much of that into my own life.

Why sugar coat who we are?

Why say that we’re happy and fake these perfect smiles when we’re having a bad day?

Embrace the mess.

Embrace the shit.

Embrace the “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” because that’s you.

That’s where you learn who you really are.

If you’re going through a hard time, take it and run with it.

Don’t shut it down.

Don’t cover it up with filters and happy Instagram captions.

Embrace it.

Because that’s what life is.

It’s about making mistakes and learning from them.

Having broken hearts so that you can learn how to put it back together.

Feeling like you’re completely at rock bottom so that the top feels that much better.

It’s ok to be broken.

It’s ok to be messy.

Nothing’s wrong with that.

Feel that pain.

Really feel it.

Take it and remember everything about it.

So that when it’s gone, you take something from it.

And in the end you can look at yourself and your life and be happy with it.

Even if there are faults in it.

Because there will be.

There always will be.

But you can’t question yourself because of it.

It’s your story.

At times it may be tragic.

It might leave you not wanting to finish it.

You may slam the book shut and refuse to except how it’s going.

But don’t do that.

Pick it back up.

Keep going.

Stay strong.

Because there’s a happy ending.

You just have to wait for it.

It’s easy to look at the lives of others and wonder how they do it.

How they clearly seem to be living this perfect life.

Or how to seem to be completely themselves.

Just know, they struggle too.

And it’s ok.

I think in order to be unapologetically ourselves, we have to accept that.

That were not going to be perfect.

That not every picture is going to be Instagram worthy.

That some days you’re going to cry three separate times before noon.

You wonder if you’re doing a good job.

If you’re going to be okay.

And you will.

Just take every little thing about your life and accept it.

Stop living life for the acceptance of others and live it for the acceptance of yourself.

Do it to make yourself happy.

Do it in spite of everything that’s hurt you.

Everything that’s tried to break you.

Just be yourself.

Be that person who gets too emotionally involved in things.

Who loves love.

That person who has gone through so much and is better because of it.

Once you start embracing the beautiful mess that you are, you’ll really surprise yourself.

Hope that helps. ❤

img_8314

 

 

 

 

 

Blog to 2019 Day 1: Introduction

title

I cannot believe it’s that time of year again.

Actually I can.

I start counting down to Christmas in September.

I can believe it’s that time and let me tell you..

I

AM

PUMPED.

I live for the Christmas time.

For the peppermint flavored everything.

And Elf all over TV.

For Christmas music on the radio.

And lights on everything.

This is my time.

It wasn’t until the middle of December last year when I was trying to think of a blog post to write.

I had this idea to write a blog post every day leading up to the new year.

To challenge myself and force something out of me.

To get myself out of my comfort zone.

I’m all about that life.

Not all about being out of my comfort zone, to clarify.

But trying to get out of my comfort zone.

There’s a difference.

That challenge was so fun for me.

So obviously I had to do it again.

I’ve just had the hardest time coming up with what to write.

I wanted to prepare a list before I actually started writing.

I brainstormed.

Checked Pinterest.

Asked people for help.

And originally decided on 31 ideas.

Most of them were not me.

I could have written them, but they weren’t me.

They would have been fake.

To try and fit some “blogger” model and I don’t want to be someone else.

I want to be me, it sounds more fun.

I want to write.

To feel.

To express myself and not try to be someone I’m not.

The ideas that I have this year are like last year.

Me.

Not someone else.

Not to get ahead of myself, but I think that’s important.

To be you.

Not some person that you think you should be.

Or that others want to see.

These posts will be me.

They will be whatever I want.

So thank you.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read what I write.

It means so much to me that people read it, let alone like it.

If this is the first time you’re reading something I’ve written, thank you as well.

I hope you stick around.

I appreciate you reading my posts and appreciating me for who I am.

Below I have 10 random facts about me for your reading pleasure.

I hope you enjoy this years blogging challenge, Blog to 2019.

10 Random Facts.

1. I strongly believe that Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is better than the original Home Alone.

2. I cannot swim.

3. I would love to be a contestant on The Wheel of Fortune..that show is my JAM.

4. If you asked what my favorite movie is I’d say Shawshank Redemption, but it’s really Step Brothers. **if you get this friends reference high five to you**

5. My favorite type of dessert is a warm brownie.

6. I know an insane amount of song lyrics.

7. I’m a very type A personality, just call me Monica Geller.

8. My Hogwarts house is Ravenclaw…Gryffindor’s are overrated.

9. I love re-watching shows on Netflix. It takes a lot for me to try something new. Definitely a creature of habit.

10. I still believe in Santa Claus.

 

Do something that scares you.

thumbnail_image1

They always say to do something that scares you.

To live outside of your comfort zone.

That you’ll be better for it.

Well I hate to break it to you, but it’s true.

You don’t need to do it all of the time.

You’ll be just fine if you spend most of your time your comfort zone.

That’s okay.

But if you want to grow, you need to get outside of it every once and a while.

Do something that makes you uncomfortable.

Do something that scares you.

If you know me well, you know that I hate flying.

My stomach turns as I’m approaching the airport.

I get nervous at any sign of turbulence.

There’s just so much that gets to me.

I hate it.

I’ve gotten better, but it still makes me nervous.

I put myself in a situation to fight this fear on Friday.

My best friend lives in Missouri, and I haven’t seen her in a year in a half.

I talk to her here and there but we haven’t gotten to spend time together in quite some time.

I found myself really missing her this last spring, and with some push from my husband, decided to fight one of my biggest fears to go and see her.

Flying by myself.

Just the thought of it made me so incredibly nervous.

We all have fears in life, and this is one of my biggest.

I looked for the only nonstop flights that were available, and booked my tickets as fast as I could.

For the fear of doubting my decision.

I put if off in my mind.

I let the excitement of seeing my best friend outweigh the thought of flying by myself for the first time in my life.

The more I didn’t think about it, the faster the day approached.

I packed my suitcase and tried to leave behind every worry I had.

Saying goodbye to my husband and son was hard, I tried to fight back tears as they left.

I felt a certain sense of accomplishment as I made it through the security line, it meant I had moved one step closer.

I sat in silence waiting for our plane to board.

The fact that we boarded 20 minutes late didn’t help my nerves, but meeting a nice family in line to board did.

I snagged the first window seat I could find and was joined by two super nice people.

There were only a few minutes between sitting down and the plane taking off, that seemed to help.

The woman who sat down next to me could tell that I was nervous, she kept asking me questions and talking to me as we took off.

Her genuine kindness made me forget about what I was afraid of.

Once I popped in my headphones and turned on 13 going on 30, I kind of forgot about everything.

It was such a smooth flight.

I looked out the window as often as I could, in awe of what I was doing.

I couldn’t believe that I was up in the air, by myself, doing the one thing that scares me the most.

The smooth flight was almost a sign.

A sign that I didn’t need to worry.

After a little more than three hours, we landed in St. Louis Missouri.

I was over 2000 miles from home.

I walked out of the terminal with so much pride in myself.

And I was reminded of why I did it when I saw my best friends car approach me outside of the airport.

I got to have such a fantastic weekend with my best friend in a brand new state.

I touched the St. Louis Arch.

I went a baseball game and crossed a 5th stadium off my list.

Most importantly, I got to take a peek into her world.

See where she has called home for two and a half years.

It was one of the best trips and I’m so incredibly thankful that I went.

That’s what happens when you step outside of your comfort zone.

You get rewarded.

You learn a little more about yourself.

Cross items off of your bucket list.

Make memories.

And face your fears.

You won’t overcome your fears unless you do those things that scare you.

I was so happy when our plane landed in Portland yesterday.

I’d be lying if I said that it was a good flight.

It sucked honestly.

But it didn’t matter.

I had done it.

I had done the one thing that scared me the most.

I flew across the country by myself.

And had such an amazing time.

So remember.

When they tell you to do the things that scare you.

Do them.

You won’t regret it.

be yourself.

ee06891d174a8b589f45fbd4aed30f21

“In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.”

Have you heard this quote before?

I’ve heard it around and never really payed attention to  it.

It never made sense to me.

Obviously you’d want to be yourself, why wouldn’t you want to be anything but?

We all want to be ourselves and don’t think were being anything different.

I think it just kind of happens.

You’re watching television.

Scrolling through Instagram.

Looking at random ads on Facebook.

And it happens.

You get this idea.

That you’re life needs to be that way.

That if you act a certain way, you’ll get this certain outcome.

We all do it.

Sometimes we don’t even realize it.

And sometimes we do.

If we just pretend to like what everyone else likes, we’ll fit right in.

Or if we act a certain way on Instagram we’ll just become that in real life.

We just copy others and boom, our lives will be perfect.

Instead of being original.

Maybe if we always post selfies of us smiling, happy quotes, or pictures of us on great adventures, then we’ll have this awesome life.

We’ll become these happy people who are living these big lives.

But you never see what’s behind the pictures.

What’s behind people telling you that their life is perfect and they’re always happy.

You never see the struggles, tears, or doubt that we all go through.

You always see the good and never the bad.

Want to know why?

Instagram is just a highlight reel.

It’s not always real life.

You only see the good.

That’s what it’s for.

Everyone doesn’t have the perfect life with that perfect latte and perfect post workout glow.

Life’s perfect sometimes, but it’s also messy.

And that’s what makes it perfect.

Were surrounded by all of these different messages.

You’re not pretty enough, buy this product for perfect glowing skin.

You’re not fit enough, you need to do this workout.

You’re not happy enough, you need this in your life.

We literally have people asking if we want to be amazing, confident, and happy, then why don’t we do exactly what they’re doing.

That is what’s wrong.

Why would be happier, more confident, and more amazing being just like someone else.

Just like everyone else.

What’s wrong with us and the way were living our own life.

All of a sudden you’re worrying about why you aren’t as fit, happy, healthy, and perfect like the people on Instagram and television.

Because they’re telling you that you’re less than perfect.

That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

Think about it.

You’re constantly being told that you need to do more and be better.

That the current version of you might be good, but it’s not good enough.

Not as good as them and their life.

That you’re not good enough the way you are.

That’s whats happening.

Were surrounded by people telling us that somethings wrong with us.

Therefore we sit and worry.

We must not be happy, healthy, and perfect.

That were not good enough.

It’s this cycle that repeats itself if were not careful.

It’ll just keep happening.

We’ll just keep trying to make our lives look a certain way.

We’ll just keep pretending to be like everyone else.

Because that’s what were told to do.

That’s what were forced to believe.

That were not happy unless we post positive quotes and force a cheesy smile.

That were not fit enough unless we do the same workout that everyone else is doing.

That our life’s not good enough, because it’s not like theirs.

You just have to know what to look for.

If something makes you feel bad.

Makes you feel anything less than happy.

Don’t let it.

Say no to it.

Unfollow it.

Say out loud if you need to that it’s not going to make you unhappy anymore.

Be confident in your life and the choices you make to know that you’re good enough the way you are.

You can change, you can do things differently, but it needs to be because you want to.

Not because someone is telling you to.

Be happy the way you are.

Be happy with your life.

Be happy being yourself.

I have this card from my best friend pinned above my desk, and my favorite part of it is the last line.

“Keep being you, the girl who sings in the car, loves Grey’s, runs for sanity, and loves her family.”

Instead of surrounding yourself with images of people telling you that you’re not good enough.

Surround yourself with people who know you.

Who support you.

And who love you for who you are.

People who don’t want you to change.

Know that you’re good enough just the way you are.

And that you don’t need to be just like everyone else.

You don’t need to act a certain way to impress others or convince yourself that you’re a certain way.

You just need to be yourself.

And try not to worry about what other people are doing.

They’ll try and tell you that you’re not good enough the way you are.

That you need to be a certain way, or be just like them to be happy.

But they’re wrong.

The key to being happy.

Is being yourself.