Dear Body.

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How do you feel about your body? Why not write a personal letter to your body telling it how you feel.

Dear Body,

Hey it’s me. How are you doing? I know we’ve been through a lot together, and I just wanted to tell you that you’re doing a great job.

I treated you pretty well when we were growing up.

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I never broke a single bone, and always made relatively healthy choices.

Kept you in good shape.

You’re welcome.

I know running helped.

We worked out every day together and you always kept me going.

I put you through miles 

and miles

and miles of running.

And you always gave me your all.

You never left me hanging and came through for me when I needed you.

We ran through grass and mud, on road and gravel, across cities and states.

Through all of that you hardly had any injuries.

Even though I didn’t always do a “proper” cool down, or stretched when I was supposed to, you recovered like a boss.

And for that, I’m grateful.

I did however, want to say that I’m sorry.

For all of those times through my late teenage years and early twenties.

When I said and thought those terrible things about you.

When I thought you were fat.

When I took you for granted.

When I didn’t appreciate how beautiful and strong you were.

There were times through college where I would look in a mirror and be mad at you.

Wondering how we could run all of those miles together, and I still wasn’t happy with how you looked.

And I’m so sorry.

Looking back at pictures of us throughout our college years, you were so strong.

I can’t believe I thought my muscular and tough thighs were fat.

I can’t believe I wanted you to look better than you did.

I hope you can forgive me.

If it helps, I can see it now.

I’ll never forget that time you helped me through the marathon.

Even though we had a rough moment at the end.

That fall and blackout was so scary. But even though consciously I didn’t know what was happening, you took charge and brought us across the finish line with a great time. You helped us recover quickly, and were much happier once I ate that cheeseburger.

And I can’t forget being pregnant.

You helped create a beautiful baby.

A 21 inch

9.15 pound

beautiful baby.

You helped keep him safe, and when we were ready for him to come into the world, you made the process so easy.

Afterwards you recovered so well.

It was a hard few weeks, and you were so tired from the last nine months.

When we went on our first run together after Ian, it was so hard.

Our lungs were frozen, and legs were dragging.

But you wanted more and I could tell.

We kept working out.

Slowly but surely.

We were getting back to how we use to be.

Now were busting out eight minute miles and I couldn’t be more proud.

I wish I could tell myself then what I know now.

To appreciate you more, and not be so mad when we eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

That it’s nice to treat you to something special every now and then.

That just because you feel fat, doesn’t mean you are fat.

I’m so proud of you.

For everything you’ve helped me through.

For the tough times.

And the great times.

For everything that led me to loving you exactly how you are.

You’re beautiful and I’ve loved watching you get better and better.

I know no matter what comes our way in the future, you’ll be there to help me get through it.

 

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A lesson learned.

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Reflect on one of the greatest life lessons you have ever learned?

A lot of the lessons that I’ve learned in life take me back to my younger days.

Don’t skip class by walking out of the front doors of the school.

Look out for crazy drivers on the road.

Study for your test.

I thought those were all just silly lessons you learn when you’re young and by the time you’re in college you would learn all of the serious lessons.

I had no idea that you would go through something at age twelve and again at seventeen..

And twenty..

And twenty three.

That it would keep happening until you finally realized what was going on.

You would realize what you were blind to all those years ago.

That you thought you knew what you were doing but you kept making the same mistakes over and over again until the answer was so obvious it hit you in the face like a brick.

Ok not literally, but the pain was probably similar.

You’re worth more.

I had this idea growing up that stayed with me until I was 23 that I had to find love.

That even though these people were clearly not fully invested in me like I was them, that I could change that.

I blame all of those romantic comedies I watched.

Even though I clearly wasn’t treated right, I was blind to it because I wanted so badly for that relationship to work.

And it didn’t.

They all kept falling apart and I was convinced that I was doing something wrong.

Was I too clingy?

Not clingy enough?

Not good enough?

Not pretty enough?

I just wanted my relationships to work and wasn’t paying attention to what was going on.

That I was worth more than all of those boys combined.

My parents tried to tell me growing up.

Boys are stupid..

And they weren’t wrong.

On one hand I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time with these people.

But on the other I’m grateful to have had these experiences because without them I wouldn’t have learned the lessons attached to them.

When I was twelve I liked this boy who later told my sister that he liked her more than me. Like a good sister, she ran and told me and I ended it after we confronted him.

But like..what the hell?

I was mad, but instantly thought something was wrong with me.

When I was seventeen I dated a guy who constantly told me I wasn’t good enough and should just quit the things in life that made me happy.

And I believed him.

When I was twenty I thought that I was dating the coolest guy ever. He was my rebound after a really good relationship that ended. Everyone loved him and I thought I was seriously the most amazing person for dating him.

Not that he was amazing for dating me.

But that I was amazing for dating him.

But after him avoiding my calls and text one weekend while he was visiting his ex-girlfriend, I soon realized that once a cheater always a cheater.

Yet I still thought I did something wrong, was I annoying and that’s why he cheated?

And when I thought I finally had it right, when I thought I was done with all of the losers and cheaters in the world, I found another.

I spent a year and a half with someone who felt that everything he wanted out of life was more important than anything I wanted.

That I wasn’t important enough to even compromise with.

I was so upset at first.

Thinking, maybe what I wanted was wrong.

It wasn’t until a while after, when I started loving myself more, that I realized I was worth more.

I deserved more.

I deserved someone who doesn’t compare me to other people.

Someone who is always faithful.

Someone who knows how to compromise when it comes to our different views.

No matter how many times they tell you different.

You’re worth more.

I came across this lesson again.

Someone who I love so much, finally realized that they were worth more than they were getting treated.

And now they’re shinning brighter than ever.

If you ever think there’s something wrong with you.

Look in the mirror.

Realize there’s not.

And start to surround yourself with people who also see nothing wrong with you.

You’ll be amazed at how happy you are and how fast things start to fall into place.

 

Get to know me

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Sitting here surrounded by Christmas lights and Christmas music, I’m thinking about what to write next. It’s been hard getting inspired to write during the holidays, and figuring out exactly what I want to write about. So I did what every girl my age does when they’re looking for something, I searched Pinterest. I was so overwhelmed and excited at the same time, so many different writing prompts that I fell in love with and wanted to share. I was definitely nervous looking at some of them though, not thinking I could write about it, or thinking it would be hard to express my feelings on the subject.

That’s when I realized what I wanted to write about..

the things that challenge me..

the things that might be hard to put into words..

the things that excite me..

I came up with this idea to “Blog to 2018.”

There were 19 different writing prompts on this page that I had found, and 20 days until New Year’s Eve. So why not write every day until the New Year? There was one day missing however, so I got to choose my post for the last day of the year.
It will be hard, challenging, and some days it might push me out of my comfort zone.

And that’s so exciting to think about.

This year has been wonderful, and I couldn’t think of a better way to end it then writing every day leading up to the New Year.
My first prompt for this project is an about me post.
Some of my favorite things, random facts, and things that you might already know.

Let’s start with the basics…

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Birthday: February 8th
Middle name: Nicole
Favorite color: Blue
Favorite animal: Monkey
Favorite drink: Coffee, Coffee, and more Coffee
Favorite Food: Mashed Potatoes
Favorite candy: Swedish Fish and Dark Chocolate
Favorite sport to watch: Baseball
Favorite sports team: Dodgers..duh
3 Fears: Spiders, Airplanes, and Heights
Something that makes you angry: People that don’t use their turning signals
Who makes you laugh the most: My brother
Go to karaoke song: Just a friend by Mario
Favorite childhood memory: Christmas morning at my grandparents house
What was your favorite subject in school: Science
Do you collect anything: Coffee mugs
If you had a warning label what would it say: Warning…talks FAST and OFTEN.
What celebrity would you like to meet for coffee: TSwizzle aka Taylor Swift
What did you want to be when you grew up: A lawyer (after watching Legally Blonde) or a Sports Journalist
Nickname growing up: Mega Moose
Favorite Book: The Fault in our Stars
Favorite chore: VACUUMING!
How many tattoos do you have: 5
Favorite Quote: “Have some fire, be unstoppable, be a force of nature.”

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Favorite TV Shows
Grey’s Anatomy
How I Met Your Mother
New Girl
Parks and Recreation
Boy Meets World
Will and Grace
Lost
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Stranger Things
Friends
Pretty Little Liars

Favorite Movies
Step Brothers
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
500 Days of Summer
Elf
Save the Last Dance
Sixteen Candles
Every Harry Potter Movie
There’s something about Mary
Frozen
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Up

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1. I know almost every Taylor Swift song by heart.
2. I have this weird thing with odd numbers..I hate them and I can’t have the TV volume or radio at an odd number.
3. I’ve never broken a bone.
4. I was so terrified of vampires when I was younger that I would sleep with the covers pulled over my neck just in case any were around.
5. I love cleaning. Seriously. It’s my favorite thing to do when I’m bored. Give me a good movie and I can clean and organize ANYTHING.
6. I’m 110% a morning person, I would wake up early over staying up late any day.
7. Don’t play a Drake song around me, unless you want to be amazed by the most spectacular rapping skills of all time…part sarcasm…part fact.
8. I chew on straws whenever I have them. In my coffee, water bottles, anything with a straw I’ll chew on it.
9. I hate hate hate hate black cats. It’s the only superstition I have.
10. My life goal is to go to every Major League Baseball stadium, buy a hat, and watch a game.

To sum this all up, hi I’m Megan. I love watching Netflix, drinking coffee, and rapping uncontrollably to Drake. I challenge you to write down some of your favorite things, seriously, it makes you so happy just thinking about the things that you love. I hope you enjoyed reading my first post of Blog to 2018. Make sure to come back tomorrow to see the writing prompt for the day.

Christmas Magic

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The holidays are my absolute favorite time of year, as if it’s a surprise. I decorate my office with Christmas lights, blast Christmas music from my car, and watch Elf as many times as I can. Like any little kid I would wake up on Christmas morning and sneak a look at my presents, and beg my parents to get up at the crack of dawn to open presents.

Some of my favorite memories involved Christmas at my Grandmas house. I swear the Christmas tree was always so tall that it could reach the ceiling. In my mind there were hundreds of presents under the tree to match the size of my family. We would have my grandma’s famous cinnamon rolls, except for that random year she served us fruit, and everyone would eat breakfast before they opened presents.

To say my family was huge is an understatement. It was always so loud and so full of joy as my grandpa would pass out presents and we would wait for every kid to have a present before we tore them open without even looking at who it was from.

Christmas was magical.

I know it sounds cheesy, but it was as wonderful as the thought of snow on Christmas morning.

Things took a turn two days after Thanksgiving in 2010.

My family was out shopping when we got the worst news.

The drive back home was silent.

The feeling of pain sat in my stomach and felt like it would never leave.

I hate thinking about it, and I usually try not to.

My grandpa was the coolest person I knew.

He was tiny and mighty.

Tough and loving.

He would never get mad at me because he loved me so much more than I probably knew.

Losing someone around the holidays is the hardest thing anyone can ever go through.

You see images of people singing Christmas carols with their families and smiling around the Christmas tree, and the last thing you want to do is force a smile.

Things were different that year, everyone was still close, but it was like our rock was gone. Even though he spent most of the time after Christmas dinner asleep in his chair, he was still the most special part of the day.

And I didn’t realize it until after he was gone.

My sister and I made it our goal the Christmas after that year to be as happy as we could.

We baked Christmas cookies and gave them to everyone we could.

We listened to the Christmas music radio station every time we drove to school.

We got a little tree for our bedroom and decorated it.

It was nice to try and see the best in a tough time. Forcing smiles and spreading holiday cheer was easier than thinking about the loss we had a year ago.

Since that year I have wanted to make sure I spend Christmas the right way. Be as happy as I can, spend as much time with my family as I can, and enjoy every second of it all.

I think that’s why I get so excited when I see Elf on TV and hear Wham’s Last Christmas on the radio. It means that magical time of year is here.

That time of year that I’m reminded just how much my family means to me and how important it is to make the best out of the holiday.

I have encountered people who aren’t always so excited about Christmas as I am. My early Christmas music makes them roll their eyes or they insist on reminding me that it’s not even Thanksgiving, and that’s totally ok. Everyone can celebrate the holidays whenever and however they please, I just wish that everyone could see the magic in it like I do.

That sounds so cheesy.

Calling a holiday magical.

But it is.

I just love trying to see the magic in what was once a hard time.

And it still is.

You always want your loved ones around, especially during the holidays.

But when they aren’t you can’t do anything but try and see the magic in it to honor them as well as you can.

That’s how I saw it at 20 and that’s how I still see it today.

Especially now that I have my own little family.

I want so bad to create this magical winter wonderland that Ian is in awe of. I want to see him stare at Christmas lights and believe in Santa his whole life.

I want him to have memories of Christmas morning like I have.

I want him to look at his grandpa passing out gifts the way I use to look at mine.

That’s why I turn into Buddy the Elf during Christmas, and why I listen to Christmas music in November.

I don’t know any other way.

I want to experience the magic of Christmas that I did when I was little, and I want Ian to experience the same.

 

 

 

Beyond Twenty Something

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Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my blog, beyond twenty something.

A year of writing whatever I want and sharing it with anyone who wants to read it.

It may not seem like a lot to most people but to me this was huge.

Not only was I sharing my opinions and stories with other people, but I was making myself vulnerable to anyone who might think negatively about it, and that’s a big deal to me. I tend to worry about what other people think of me.

I know I know..I’m working on it.

I had started a blog prior to this one, but I told no one and deleted it after a few months. I was incredibly embarrassed at the thought of letting people into my mind and opening myself up to peoples criticism.

It wasn’t until I saw my best friend create a blog that I got so inspired. I’ve probably quoted this a handful of times on here before but my favorite thing she ever told me was..

“Do what you want and say how you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t mater.”

I opened up my laptop and started writing, about my life as a new mom. The words just poured out, as easy as it’s always been for me to just write how I feel. When I was all done I felt so many different emotions. I was proud of myself for this step I was about to take, but so incredibly nervous at the same time, and then it hit me.

What am I going to name this thing?

What words or phrases sum up my life at this very moment in time?

 I went through a few and kept sending them off to my sister for approval, every one slightly better than the next, until I came to a realization.

I’m sitting here at 26….

married

a son who’s a week old

a solid job and a comfortable life.

I am more than just a 20 something.

All my life, well all throughout college at least, I’ve heard of 20 something.

That time in your life that you’re supposed to go crazy, spend money, travel, care about only yourself, and ignore your responsibilities.

According to the 20 something stigma, I was doing it all wrong.

But I wasn’t.

I absolutely loved the exact spot that I was in.

I felt like at my age, I had things under control, and I still do feel that way…

Some days.

I am a mom, there are days where I wake up and the first thing that I think about is going to bed that night.

It happens.

Living in a world where Instagram shows you that you need to go out every Saturday night and party with your friends, or that you need to live your life this certain age at 26 and not be “settled down” already, it makes it hard to think that you’re doing life your way just fine.

But I am.

I realized in that moment that even though I sit here, being a 20 something, I was beyond a twenty something.

That most days I do have my stuff together.

That I’m a wife, mom, daughter, and most of the time a responsible adult.

Adult.

Most people cringe when they hear that word.

They think that adults have no fun, zero time to do anything for themselves, get no sleep, work boring jobs, and just have an uneventful life.

That’s completely false though, except the no sleep thing.

That’s true.

Even though some days I still feel 20, I know that I ‘m an adult and I have responsibilities and stuff that I need to do.

And it’s fun.

Getting my shit together.

(Sorry grandma)

Waking up in the morning and getting ready for your job that you worked your butt off for.

 Getting to see the smiling faces of your son and husband as they get their day started.

Jamming out to Christmas music in September on your daily commute because you want to.

Knowing that you’ve created this amazing life for yourself by working hard and now you get to spend it with the best little family that you and the love of your life created.

It makes you feel like you can take on the world.

Obviously there are some days where I get stressed out and eat an entire box of brownies that I just made, those days happen.

But I know that once that day passes it’s going to be okay.

This blog is my corner of the internet to do whatever I want, say anything that I need to say, and share stories that have taught me the most valuable life lessons.

But after the first year of having it, I think I’ve just now started to realize the theme of this.

The reason behind the hundreds of words I type and the music that floods my headphones while I write.

That at whatever age you are..

Wherever you live..

Whoever you call your family..

However you choose to live your life..

That it’s okay.

That it will all be just fine.

It’s how you choose to fill the chapters of your story, and no matter how you choose to do it, it’s beautiful at the end.

And it all works out.

That you don’t have to live your life according to your age or how others think you should.

If you’d rather spend your Saturday nights curled up on the couch drinking wine and watching a Harry Potter marathon, that’s fine.

You make the rules.

You create the life you want, and you live it with all of the passion that fuels your days.

That you are more than a number and beyond capable of living your life exactly how you want to.

 

 

 

 

Making excuses and taking chances.

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I’m super hard on myself, as in I hold myself to high standards, and if I mess up in any sort of fashion I’ll let myself have it.

Back in January I started the Megan’s Month part of my blog. It was meant for me to look back on at the end of 2017 and summarize my year and look at the different highlights and small things that made that year what it was.

I completely dropped the ball and didn’t do September.

In case anyone’s keeping track and who knows if anyone really is.

I knew it was approaching, last week I kept thinking to myself that September 30th was coming up and that I needed to write my Megan’s Month post for that month.

I thought about it on Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Friday.

And Saturday.

Next thing I know, it’s Sunday and I’m decorating the house for Halloween, completely disregarding the one goal I had for last week.

I was hard on myself.

Internally

That’s where all of my best dialogue comes from honestly.

I think a lot, there’s not a time of day where I don’t have several different thoughts floating around in my head.

Pep talks.

Tough love.

Hours on end convincing myself to do what it is I’m afraid to do.

That happened this last week, when I realized I hadn’t written my monthly post.

Lots of internal dialogue between me and myself, like I said before, I’m hard on myself.

And I had an excuse.

Which is weird for me because I feel like excuses are weak and I don’t like to accept them.

But I did.

I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks and honestly, it took priority over a lot of things..including my blog.

If I was going to write something, I wanted it to be good, not something I just put together for the purpose of just having a blog post.

So I waited.

And let that other thing consume most of me.

If you know me, you know that I obsess over things.

It could be a Netflix show, my love for pizza, or a new artist I just discovered.

I let things consume me until it’s all I can think about.

I like to think of it as a passion for life and those things that I love.

Others might call it annoying.

To each it’s own right?

So this thing was consuming me, this possibility of change.

This big step I was going to try and take, and the change that it would be to my routine I’ve had for the last almost five years.

I had decided that it was time to apply for a new job and possibly leave the place I had called my second home since March of 2013.

It’s scary.

Taking that step.

Willing to leave what’s comfortable for a new experience.

Putting yourself out there in fear of rejection.

Applying for jobs sucks.

Plain and simple.

This time wasn’t as bad, and if I didn’t have the help of my wonderful brother and his insane interviewing skills I don’t know if it would have gone as well as it did.

Again, I’m my own worst critic and I’m hard on myself. So after each step in the process I had my doubts.

Luckily I had an awesome family who assured me that I did all that I could.

I ended up being offered a chance to step into this new opportunity.

A chance to say yes to something new.

As of late next week, I’ll get to call McKay High School home again.

To say I wanted to job baldly would be a giant understatement.

I’m insanely excited to start this new journey, slightly nervous but so excited.

So yes I’m making an excuse.

And I’m allowing myself to not be mad for missing a deadline I had created.

I’m saying no to being hard on myself for the small things.

And yes to being excited about this new opportunity I’ve been so lucky to have received.

At the end of the day, being hard on yourself literally solves nothing.

Obsessing is fine, just not over the bad things.

Obsessing about the possibility to do something you want so badly is just fine, in my opinion.

So here’s to new possibilities.

To telling yourself to shut up every once and a while, and just doing what you want.

I did a thing.

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We all have wins.

Some big.

Some small.

Regardless they’re wins, and we celebrate them.

Last Monday I had a small win..but wow did it feel big.

For the first ever….

I drove to a different city.

Yes I know..laugh or judge all you want..but it was a huge win for me.

And if you know me at all you know that’s big.

Long story short, driving and me haven’t always gotten along.

I didn’t really start driving until I was 20. I drove occasionally but it took 20 years to start driving myself around like an adult.

Even when Janelle and I commuted 30 minutes every day to college, I never drove.

She did it all.

Even when I graduated from college and dated someone who lived in a different city, I never drove to go see him.

Call it selfish.

Call it stupid.

Call it stubborn.

But if I didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t going to,

Simple.

No one understood why.

I got teased, argued with, and made fun of.

People didn’t understand and people didn’t try to understand.

I didn’t want to drive.

Honestly, it scared me.

I couldn’t control other drivers and the unknown, and it scared me.

I’ve obviously been driving for the last seven years just fine.

I get slight road rage, and maybe I don’t always park inside the lines, but I’m a fine driver.

I’ve just never wanted to drive far away.

Something about it just scared me.

This is where we get to my win..

Last Monday rolled around, my mom’s birthday, and for some reason every flower shop online wouldn’t deliver on Monday’s..don’t ask me why..I don’t make the rules..but they wouldn’t.

I really wanted to bring her flowers to work.

So I decided to drive to Dallas.

It’s not that far, I might have gone the longest way possible, but it wasn’t that far.

But I did it.

I took an extended lunch break, bought some flowers, got a balloon, and drove to Dallas.

The sun was shinning bright and the sky a beautiful shade of blue.

I had my favorite radio station on, and I just drove.

I decided to go the back way, a road that always made me nervous, but would take me through my old college town.

A place I had never drove myself to.

It was the craziest thing.

I saw places from my past, but they were different this time.

I don’t think anyone could understand how truly blown away I was with myself.

I had done something that until that very moment, I was scared to do.

I drove to a different city.

All by myself.

At 27.

Think what you want, but it was my win.

Some wins are big.

Some wins are small.

But it was my win.

This was my moment.

I drove back feeling like I was on top of the world.

I remember those moments so vividly in life, where I felt on top of the world.

Think back to your win, big or small, when you felt like you were on top of the world. Wasn’t that feeling the absolute best? It made you feel like you could take on the world, climb a mountain, win a gold medal at the Olympics.

It sounds funny, comparing the fact that I drove myself to a different city to winning a gold medal at the Olympics, but it’s a win none the less, and it was my win.

I started thinking as I drove back, how something that seemed impossible, I had just done.

How even when the person I was dating wanted me to drive to a different city I wouldn’t do it.

I realized that I didn’t want to.

But when it came to bringing my mom flowers, something that I really wanted to do, I did what seemed impossible.

It’s funny what you can accomplish when you want to.

When the will to do something overpowers the fear you have to get it done.

It’s beautiful it really is.

I was so proud of my win and I’ll always be.

I’ll always remember it as the moment I decided not to let my worries hold me back. The moment when I decided I was stronger than what scared me.

All of that from driving myself to Dallas.

Big wins or small wins..a win is a win.