Beyond Twenty Something

megan

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my blog, beyond twenty something.

A year of writing whatever I want and sharing it with anyone who wants to read it.

It may not seem like a lot to most people but to me this was huge.

Not only was I sharing my opinions and stories with other people, but I was making myself vulnerable to anyone who might think negatively about it, and that’s a big deal to me. I tend to worry about what other people think of me.

I know I know..I’m working on it.

I had started a blog prior to this one, but I told no one and deleted it after a few months. I was incredibly embarrassed at the thought of letting people into my mind and opening myself up to peoples criticism.

It wasn’t until I saw my best friend create a blog that I got so inspired. I’ve probably quoted this a handful of times on here before but my favorite thing she ever told me was..

“Do what you want and say how you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t mater.”

I opened up my laptop and started writing, about my life as a new mom. The words just poured out, as easy as it’s always been for me to just write how I feel. When I was all done I felt so many different emotions. I was proud of myself for this step I was about to take, but so incredibly nervous at the same time, and then it hit me.

What am I going to name this thing?

What words or phrases sum up my life at this very moment in time?

 I went through a few and kept sending them off to my sister for approval, every one slightly better than the next, until I came to a realization.

I’m sitting here at 26….

married

a son who’s a week old

a solid job and a comfortable life.

I am more than just a 20 something.

All my life, well all throughout college at least, I’ve heard of 20 something.

That time in your life that you’re supposed to go crazy, spend money, travel, care about only yourself, and ignore your responsibilities.

According to the 20 something stigma, I was doing it all wrong.

But I wasn’t.

I absolutely loved the exact spot that I was in.

I felt like at my age, I had things under control, and I still do feel that way…

Some days.

I am a mom, there are days where I wake up and the first thing that I think about is going to bed that night.

It happens.

Living in a world where Instagram shows you that you need to go out every Saturday night and party with your friends, or that you need to live your life this certain age at 26 and not be “settled down” already, it makes it hard to think that you’re doing life your way just fine.

But I am.

I realized in that moment that even though I sit here, being a 20 something, I was beyond a twenty something.

That most days I do have my stuff together.

That I’m a wife, mom, daughter, and most of the time a responsible adult.

Adult.

Most people cringe when they hear that word.

They think that adults have no fun, zero time to do anything for themselves, get no sleep, work boring jobs, and just have an uneventful life.

That’s completely false though, except the no sleep thing.

That’s true.

Even though some days I still feel 20, I know that I ‘m an adult and I have responsibilities and stuff that I need to do.

And it’s fun.

Getting my shit together.

(Sorry grandma)

Waking up in the morning and getting ready for your job that you worked your butt off for.

 Getting to see the smiling faces of your son and husband as they get their day started.

Jamming out to Christmas music in September on your daily commute because you want to.

Knowing that you’ve created this amazing life for yourself by working hard and now you get to spend it with the best little family that you and the love of your life created.

It makes you feel like you can take on the world.

Obviously there are some days where I get stressed out and eat an entire box of brownies that I just made, those days happen.

But I know that once that day passes it’s going to be okay.

This blog is my corner of the internet to do whatever I want, say anything that I need to say, and share stories that have taught me the most valuable life lessons.

But after the first year of having it, I think I’ve just now started to realize the theme of this.

The reason behind the hundreds of words I type and the music that floods my headphones while I write.

That at whatever age you are..

Wherever you live..

Whoever you call your family..

However you choose to live your life..

That it’s okay.

That it will all be just fine.

It’s how you choose to fill the chapters of your story, and no matter how you choose to do it, it’s beautiful at the end.

And it all works out.

That you don’t have to live your life according to your age or how others think you should.

If you’d rather spend your Saturday nights curled up on the couch drinking wine and watching a Harry Potter marathon, that’s fine.

You make the rules.

You create the life you want, and you live it with all of the passion that fuels your days.

That you are more than a number and beyond capable of living your life exactly how you want to.

 

 

 

 

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Making excuses and taking chances.

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I’m super hard on myself, as in I hold myself to high standards, and if I mess up in any sort of fashion I’ll let myself have it.

Back in January I started the Megan’s Month part of my blog. It was meant for me to look back on at the end of 2017 and summarize my year and look at the different highlights and small things that made that year what it was.

I completely dropped the ball and didn’t do September.

In case anyone’s keeping track and who knows if anyone really is.

I knew it was approaching, last week I kept thinking to myself that September 30th was coming up and that I needed to write my Megan’s Month post for that month.

I thought about it on Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Friday.

And Saturday.

Next thing I know, it’s Sunday and I’m decorating the house for Halloween, completely disregarding the one goal I had for last week.

I was hard on myself.

Internally

That’s where all of my best dialogue comes from honestly.

I think a lot, there’s not a time of day where I don’t have several different thoughts floating around in my head.

Pep talks.

Tough love.

Hours on end convincing myself to do what it is I’m afraid to do.

That happened this last week, when I realized I hadn’t written my monthly post.

Lots of internal dialogue between me and myself, like I said before, I’m hard on myself.

And I had an excuse.

Which is weird for me because I feel like excuses are weak and I don’t like to accept them.

But I did.

I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks and honestly, it took priority over a lot of things..including my blog.

If I was going to write something, I wanted it to be good, not something I just put together for the purpose of just having a blog post.

So I waited.

And let that other thing consume most of me.

If you know me, you know that I obsess over things.

It could be a Netflix show, my love for pizza, or a new artist I just discovered.

I let things consume me until it’s all I can think about.

I like to think of it as a passion for life and those things that I love.

Others might call it annoying.

To each it’s own right?

So this thing was consuming me, this possibility of change.

This big step I was going to try and take, and the change that it would be to my routine I’ve had for the last almost five years.

I had decided that it was time to apply for a new job and possibly leave the place I had called my second home since March of 2013.

It’s scary.

Taking that step.

Willing to leave what’s comfortable for a new experience.

Putting yourself out there in fear of rejection.

Applying for jobs sucks.

Plain and simple.

This time wasn’t as bad, and if I didn’t have the help of my wonderful brother and his insane interviewing skills I don’t know if it would have gone as well as it did.

Again, I’m my own worst critic and I’m hard on myself. So after each step in the process I had my doubts.

Luckily I had an awesome family who assured me that I did all that I could.

I ended up being offered a chance to step into this new opportunity.

A chance to say yes to something new.

As of late next week, I’ll get to call McKay High School home again.

To say I wanted to job baldly would be a giant understatement.

I’m insanely excited to start this new journey, slightly nervous but so excited.

So yes I’m making an excuse.

And I’m allowing myself to not be mad for missing a deadline I had created.

I’m saying no to being hard on myself for the small things.

And yes to being excited about this new opportunity I’ve been so lucky to have received.

At the end of the day, being hard on yourself literally solves nothing.

Obsessing is fine, just not over the bad things.

Obsessing about the possibility to do something you want so badly is just fine, in my opinion.

So here’s to new possibilities.

To telling yourself to shut up every once and a while, and just doing what you want.

I did a thing.

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We all have wins.

Some big.

Some small.

Regardless they’re wins, and we celebrate them.

Last Monday I had a small win..but wow did it feel big.

For the first ever….

I drove to a different city.

Yes I know..laugh or judge all you want..but it was a huge win for me.

And if you know me at all you know that’s big.

Long story short, driving and me haven’t always gotten along.

I didn’t really start driving until I was 20. I drove occasionally but it took 20 years to start driving myself around like an adult.

Even when Janelle and I commuted 30 minutes every day to college, I never drove.

She did it all.

Even when I graduated from college and dated someone who lived in a different city, I never drove to go see him.

Call it selfish.

Call it stupid.

Call it stubborn.

But if I didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t going to,

Simple.

No one understood why.

I got teased, argued with, and made fun of.

People didn’t understand and people didn’t try to understand.

I didn’t want to drive.

Honestly, it scared me.

I couldn’t control other drivers and the unknown, and it scared me.

I’ve obviously been driving for the last seven years just fine.

I get slight road rage, and maybe I don’t always park inside the lines, but I’m a fine driver.

I’ve just never wanted to drive far away.

Something about it just scared me.

This is where we get to my win..

Last Monday rolled around, my mom’s birthday, and for some reason every flower shop online wouldn’t deliver on Monday’s..don’t ask me why..I don’t make the rules..but they wouldn’t.

I really wanted to bring her flowers to work.

So I decided to drive to Dallas.

It’s not that far, I might have gone the longest way possible, but it wasn’t that far.

But I did it.

I took an extended lunch break, bought some flowers, got a balloon, and drove to Dallas.

The sun was shinning bright and the sky a beautiful shade of blue.

I had my favorite radio station on, and I just drove.

I decided to go the back way, a road that always made me nervous, but would take me through my old college town.

A place I had never drove myself to.

It was the craziest thing.

I saw places from my past, but they were different this time.

I don’t think anyone could understand how truly blown away I was with myself.

I had done something that until that very moment, I was scared to do.

I drove to a different city.

All by myself.

At 27.

Think what you want, but it was my win.

Some wins are big.

Some wins are small.

But it was my win.

This was my moment.

I drove back feeling like I was on top of the world.

I remember those moments so vividly in life, where I felt on top of the world.

Think back to your win, big or small, when you felt like you were on top of the world. Wasn’t that feeling the absolute best? It made you feel like you could take on the world, climb a mountain, win a gold medal at the Olympics.

It sounds funny, comparing the fact that I drove myself to a different city to winning a gold medal at the Olympics, but it’s a win none the less, and it was my win.

I started thinking as I drove back, how something that seemed impossible, I had just done.

How even when the person I was dating wanted me to drive to a different city I wouldn’t do it.

I realized that I didn’t want to.

But when it came to bringing my mom flowers, something that I really wanted to do, I did what seemed impossible.

It’s funny what you can accomplish when you want to.

When the will to do something overpowers the fear you have to get it done.

It’s beautiful it really is.

I was so proud of my win and I’ll always be.

I’ll always remember it as the moment I decided not to let my worries hold me back. The moment when I decided I was stronger than what scared me.

All of that from driving myself to Dallas.

Big wins or small wins..a win is a win.

Megan’s Month: August 2017

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You didn’t think I would miss a month did you?

I am dedicated to this thing.

August came in like a lion, and left like a lion.

I started out the month celebrating my second wedding anniversary with my husband, and going on a beach trip with our cross country team.

The next week was followed by hosting a summer fun run with our team and another beach trip with friends.

We started official cross country practice a few days after that, and ended the month with two meets.

In between all of that you could find me with my face buried in my phone or my notebook studying for our fantasy football draft.

And just when it started to calm down, the month ended with my new obsession, my nephew Cameron was born and I could not be more in love with him.

I think I could use a day or so just to catch up on sleep lost during this month.

But I like it that way.

Chaos.

There’s something beautiful in the chaos of life and finding a way to deal with it all.

Finding a way to make it through even though some days you don’t know what day of the week it is.

Those days where your to-do list is too long to count and your coffee cup seems to be always running low.

Those are the days I secretly live for.

My husband will most likely read this and laugh, because if I gave him a dollar every time I complained about being too busy he would probably have 570 dollars.

That’s true, I do complain.

But I’m human.

We do these things.

Complain to help fill some sort of void until we feel better about the situation.

Even though I complain about being busy, I always make it through. Feeling as if I could change the world, so accomplished and proud of myself for fighting through the day.

I love chaos.

Even though chaos is hard to understand and can be intimidating, it forces us to think outside of the box. It forces us to dig down deep and use parts of ourselves we didn’t know we had.

That was not only the theme of this month, but the theme of this whole summer.

Chaos.

And it was beautiful.

I was always running around doing one thing or another.

Focusing on a task at hand while still tying up the loose ends on another.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There were a few times where I felt my patience was being tested, or that the chaos would get the best of me.

Times where actions of others were trying to get me down.

And that’s when you learn to see the beauty in the middle of the chaos.

Remember that you have a whole team of people behind you, cheering you along.

People that have your back no matter what.

That in the middle of the chaos you know they’ll always be there.

Chaos forces us to use what we don’t always know we have, or that we forget we have.

It forces us to get creative.

To think outside of the box.

To do things because we have no other choice.

So much chaos.

And I loved every second of it.

Because of it, we’re a few hours away from the start of my favorite season.

When my tv is flooded with college football (go buckeyes).

When the leaves crunch under my feet, and when pumpkin spice latte fills my cup.

We’re hours away from the start of the best few months of the year, which also means more chaos..and I’m beyond ready.

Some other things I’ve loved this month..

Parenthood

Working out

Birthday Cake Halo Top Ice Cream

Taylor Swift’s new single

Game of Thrones..again!!

Planning my Halloween Costume because it’s never too early

Selfies with Ian

Starbucks fall blend coffee

Cameron

I’m ready for the next few months; birthdays, cross country meets, holidays, work, football, and fall activities. I’m ready for the chaos and finding the beauty in it all.

Bring it on.

Quote of the month:

“The thing about chaos, is that while it disturbs us, it too, forces our hearts to roar in a way we secretly find magnificent.”

-Christopher Poindexter

 

 

Things I’ve Realized

Yesterday marked the halfway point on my 27th year of life. The 27th year of me doing things right, doing things wrong, and not having any idea where to start. How I’ve learned so many lessons in my most recent years, some good, some not so good, some life changing, and some I wished I knew earlier in life. I feel like your late 20’s are the years where you start to have those “ah-ha” moments. The moments where some of your life questions get answered and you feel like you’re getting a pat on the back from life. I started thinking of those moments that I’ve had, those things I’ve come to terms with at 27 and a half years of life.

1

I can’t stay up past 11:30 PM- That my friends, is being generous. I’m lucky if I stay up past ten on most nights. I’ve always thought that I was more of a morning person, but in the recent months I’ve realized that I’m 100 percent correct. This has some to do with being a new mom but it was that way before as well. I’ve had nights where I plan to stay up late enough to watch Saturday Night Live or Jimmy Fallon. I would turn on all of the lights, go get a sugary coffee drink, and do whatever else I could think of to stay up. I would literally fall asleep right before the show started every single time. I’m not a night owl, never will be.

2

I can’t please everyone- I’ve tried for many years with this one. I like making as many people as I can happy and I like to make sure everyone gets what they want. That’s tiring to say the least. It also sets you up for failure when you can’t make someone happy or when you upset them. It took me a few attempts to realize that no matter how much I try I can’t control the feelings of others. It’s not up to me if they’re happy with me or not and I have to be okay with that.

3

I love Pizza- I’ve really grown to love Pizza. I’ve always liked it, because hello I’m normal, but I’ve found a new love for it the last couple of years. I think it started when Jason and I went to New York for our honeymoon. We found this amazing pizza place and a piece of my heart will forever be there. This pizza gave me a whole new love for that beautiful dough topped with delicious cheese and sauce.

4

I have to pick and choose my battles- In case you didn’t know, I’m stubborn **Cue my family saying yupppp** and you can tell rather easily. I’ve always been the type of person to tell you when I don’t agree with you or when I’m mad at what you’re doing. If I didn’t like it, you could tell. Whether it was an eye roll or a disgusted sigh. I’ve come to realize that I can’t always do this, especially as an adult. I’m going to piss the wrong people off and it’ll lead to bad outcomes. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re passionate about something or have a strong belief in something don’t stop. Never give up your beliefs. But is it worth getting in an argument that involves your close friend and possibly having them upset with you. There are ways to discuss things that don’t have to result in arguments.

5

I am Buddy the Elf- I love Christmas. I could go on and on about how much I love Christmas. November 1st is when I press play on the Christmas music and start spreading the cheer. I’ve met people in the last couple of years who have told me to my face how dumb I am for loving Christmas so much, as early as I do, but I don’t care. It’s something I take so much joy in and I won’t let people crush my holiday spirit.

6

My gut is usually right- If I think something’s wrong, I need to speak up. If I have a bad feeling in my stomach, I need to do something about it. Trusting your gut is sometimes the best thing you can do. I’ve had moments where I’m sitting there thinking to myself “this isn’t right” and I didn’t speak up. Your gut will tell you if you’re in the wrong or not, if you have a bad feeling you should act on it.

7

Candle shopping is one of my favorite past times- The 2 for 22 candle sale at Bath and Body Works gives me life. I have to smell every single candle individually and really think about which candle I’m going to buy. I could be having the worst day ever, but I know that all I have to do is walk into a Bath and Body Works and my day can be fixed instantly.

8

There’s nothing How I Met Your Mother can’t fix- Everyone has a TV Show that makes you laugh. A show where you feel emotionally involved in the fake lives of the characters, for me it’s How I Met Your Mother. I started watching it a couple of years ago and I’ll never look back. I know that if I’m having a bad day, I need some background noise for cleaning, or if I’m just bored this show will boost my spirits one Ted Mosby bad relationship at a time.

9

It’s possible for your whole world to be 20 something pounds and covered in drool- I love my friends, family, and husband, but there’s a special love I have for my son. No matter what is happening in my life I know that at the end of the day he’ll be happy to see me. He’ll be there smiling and clapping his hands at anything and everything. Even when he throws his little fits I can’t get enough of him. my whole world is locked into one little person and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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I’m doing something right- I put a lot of pressure on myself, to do everything right and be as perfect as I can be. When things go wrong I take it personally. Sometimes I feel like I keep screwing things up. It’s normal. But there are little times where I’m reminded that I’m doing just fine. Last Wednesday I got a text from my dad saying he heard our song on the radio (Whitney Houston’s I wanna dance with somebody) and that he thought of me. I see him almost every day and talk to multiple times a day, yet one song made him think of me. It was my little reminder that I must be doing something right.

Megan’s Month: July 2017

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Oh July..such a good month..why’d you have to go so fast?

I’ve been looking forward to July for a couple of months now..

My sisters baby shower, another major league baseball game, the fourth of July, our annual trip to California, this month was packed with things to do and I was so excited.

I really love the summer, although everyone in my life knows how much I love the fall time, summer has a special place in my heart.

Summer is the time that my husband and sister get some well deserved time off, when you see families walking around the neighborhoods and playing together outside, and when you can stay up late and the sun stays up with you.

July started off with a bang..I watched 6 seasons of Game of Thrones in 16 days.

Exciting stuff I know.

I tried watching it last summer and gave up after a few episodes because it was super hard to follow. Knowing that one of the last seasons was premiering soon and that my husband loves it I decided to give it one more try, and if I still wasn’t sold I would just give it up. Needless to say that after the end of season one I was hooked.

Now I look forward to Sunday nights watching it with my husband, its turning into one of my favorite things.

We got to take a day trip to Seattle on the 9th, and cross another stadium off of my list. In case you’re new to the party, my goal in life is to see a game at every baseball stadium and buy a hat.

My fantastic family watched Ian for the day while we took this trip and I was so thankful. Jason and I hadn’t been away from Ian that long and knowing he was in good hands made it so much easier. It was so nice to just drive and talk to Jason about anything and everything. Besides the insane sunburn I got, the trip was definitely a great one!

The biggest thing this month however, was our trip to California to visit Jason’s family. This trip has become an annual thing and always a highlight of our summer. This year was different though, it was the first with Ian! I was nervous for the flight, not because of Ian though, that kid is a champ, but because of myself.

I hate flying.

I hate flying so much.

But something about flying with Ian and knowing I had to help and comfort him made me handle this plane ride better than I ever had. It could be the fact that the trip is never more than an hour and a half down to Oakland, or the fact that Jason is always great to have by my side, but I deserved a gold star for this one.

This was our first trip down where we got to see every member of the family and see everyone we planned on seeing. I know it’s important for Jason to get to see his family but its so important for Ian as well. I want him to grow up and be excited every year to go visit the Zellicks in California, I want him to see the importance in it and be excited to travel and see new the world. I want him to have this great attitude towards everything and be excited to do new things and meet new people.

And he already is.

This kid approaches everything with a smile and optimism and I am so in awe of it. He inspires me every day.

I want to approach things like Ian, and this month I did.

I want to continue to be hopeful, excited, and optimistic.

Like Ian.

That’s what this month taught me, to be optimistic.

To approach things with a smile and a good attitude.

I was so excited for July and to go on these different trips, to make new memories and to not spend the whole time worrying.

I was nervous to leave Ian for a whole day, but I knew that he was in good hands and ended up crossing something off of my bucket list.

I gave a show a chance and it ended up being one of my favorites to date.

I took a plane with my family to go visit more family and it turned out to be our best trip yet.

If you have an optimistic attitude, great things can happen.

That was my theme this month.

Optimism.

That might seem like common sense to a lot of people but to someone like me who  tends to worry about things I can’t control its more difficult.

Some other things I loved this month..

Friends from College on Netflix

Making coffee at home

Working out more

My nose piercing

Weekend walks with Jason and Ian

Big Brother..like every other summer..

I don’t have any music that I was loving this month, because every day while I was at work I was listening to podcasts. I was either listening to The Lady Gang or the Fantasy Footballers…I know I know..two completely different podcasts but August is around the corner and I take fantasy football very seriously.

This August I challenge you to try something new. Try something that you’re afraid of or might have doubts about. Close your eyes and jump into the unknown, because if you do, great things can happen.

Quote of the Month:

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.”

 

Age is just a number.

 

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“You’re only old if you think you’re old.”

Some wise words spoken from my best friend recently while texting each other. She had sent me a screenshot of a Facebook memory of us from three years ago, we were both in awe of the fact that it was three years ago. It felt like just yesterday.

I responded with “I feel so old” a phrase I’ve said so frequently in my twenties, and that was when she hit me with some truth.

You’re only old if you think you’re old.

Her words stuck with me.

Especially in a situation that came up last week.

I wanted to get my nose pierced and I asked my mom to come with me, with an ulterior motive to try and get her to have it done as well because I knew the thought was in her mind.

She was nervous.

Not for the pain or anything like that.

She was nervous because she thought she was too old for it.

My mom is so many things, but old isn’t one of them.

My sister and I were trying to convince her otherwise when the woman doing our piercings spoke up and told us that she just pierced the belly button of a 78 year old woman the other week..

and to do whatever you want and f*** what anyone else thinks.

Words of a genius if you ask me.

My mom ended up getting it done and let me just say she looks fantastic, she realized how much she wanted it done and that it was worth it to not worry about how she would look to other people.

Hearing that a 78 year old woman got her belly button pierced amazes me. I love knowing that someone at that age still feels young and is so happy with themselves and just wants to pierce her belly button. She didn’t care what anyone else thought, she just did it.

I hate the thought of people thinking they’re too old to do something, but there I was calling myself old to my best friend, and I’m only 27.

I have so many years ahead of me to do whatever I want.

Great things, stupid things, big things, small things.

And I’m not too old to do any of them.

I’m not going to book a flight tomorrow to a different city just because. I have priorities, but they don’t make me old.

I think one of the reasons we worry about how old we are on a daily basis, is that we get so caught up in our daily “grown up” tasks.

Working 40 hours a week, changing poopy diapers, maintaining the over flowing laundry basket, or paying student loans.

All things that are necessary to get through the day, but aren’t things that should make you feel old. Tired, but not old.

Since when did getting older make us old?

The older I get, the more responsibilities I have, but that’s something that comes with growing up. It shouldn’t hold you back from doing whatever it is that you want to do.

If you want to go skydiving, go skydiving.

If you want to listen to the Frozen Soundtrack all day, listen to the Frozen Soundtrack all day.

If you want to get a tattoo, go get a tattoo.

If you want to go back to school, go back to school.

I don’t think anyone’s too old to do anything, I think it’s the mindset that you feel old.

 That you have to live up to this thought that since you’re getting old you have to act old. That life gets too busy and hard so you simply can’t get out of your comfort zone and do something that you feel you might be too old for.

It feels good.

To feel young.

To forget your age and do whatever you want simply because you want to do it.

I swear sometimes I still feel 22, and that’s what I told my best friend when I was telling her how old I felt.

Her response?

“Then 22 it is, T Swift and all.”

If you feel 22 but you’re really 27 what’s wrong with that?

You still have those daily life things that happen but what happens when you’re done with them? Nothings holding you back from doing whatever you want, especially not your age. You just have to do it.

Drive with your music loud and sing terribly.

Sign up to take a new class for something you’ve never done before.

Stay up late and watch Netflix till you get that “are you still watching” message.

Laugh all night until your stomach hurts.

Go get your belly button pierced.

Sometimes it’s fun to forget your age every once in a while.

Give it a try.