The Best Relationship Advice.

I don’t think I ever went to my parents for relationship advice.

Okay, that’s a lie.

I remember asking them how to break up with someone once.

I would usually tell my mom when I liked someone but it was still hard for me.

I know I know..

Hard to imagine that my parents also dated growing up.

That they too had failed relationships that they learned from.

And a marriage that’s going to celebrate 30 years this month.

When asking for any advice to be answered on my blog this question came up.

Relationship advice.

Very broad but I was excited about the idea of it.

I have been in some failed relationships, and a very successful one for five and a half years now.

But I wasn’t fully convinced that I could give the best relationship advice.

I mean I can.

And I will.

But I know two people who could also give some pretty good relationship advice.

My parents were lucky.

They knew pretty soon into their relationship that they wanted to get married.

They were only 20 and 21 when they said “I do.”

And they’re still going strong 30 years later.

Are relationships easy?

No.

But my parents have shown me time and time again what love and a good family can look like and do for you.

I decided to ask them to come up with some relationship advice for my blog.

I thought it would be fun to get advice from a couple I admire.

So if you dread the idea of asking your parents for relationship advice, or want some words of wisdom from me and my awesome parents, keep reading.

Advice from my dad.

Marry your best friend.

Say “I love you as much as you can, every day.”

Laugh and have fun together.

Compliment each other as much as you can. 

Look forward and be excited to see your partner.

Laugh and cry together.

Advice from my mom.

Always say I love you when you leave for work, during the day, after work, and especially before bed.

Even if you don’t agree on something, always tell your partner you love them anyways.

Work as a team, especially with kids.

Communication.

Always listen.

Honesty.

Advice from me.

Laugh as much as you can with each other.

Be with someone you can’t imagine life without.

Never change who you are.

Love will come when you stop looking for it.

Make time for each other.

Say I love you before bed.

I’m going to end this with my favorite piece of advice from my mom.

It was from one of my first blog posts.

I was mad at the world after I got dumped by my college boyfriend.

I was so concerned with what could happen next.

With who would love me or if I would even find love.

My mom said to me, “Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself.”

And to this day it’s my favorite piece of advice.

The second you stop looking for love and spend time learning to love yourself.

It will come.

db491686-6710-4c29-9a41-649589e85ac1

10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

43abc08df9465261dd84e5e462722b67

I’d say that I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships.

Not enough to have my own self help book or anything, but enough to learn what not do in the next one.

I would just have these expectations in my mind of what the relationship was supposed to be like.

I blame it on all of the romantic comedies I would watch on weekend nights in bed.

I was never the “go out and party with my friends” type of person.

More like “lay and bed and dream about the perfect guy.”

I would spend so much time thinking about the perfect relationship, that I had to have this perfect relationship to make my life complete.

That my life would only be worth it if I had a boyfriend.

I always go back to one of my favorite quotes by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“and in the end we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, and only love, could heal our brokenness.”

He says it so perfectly.

We’re all so fixated on this idea that love can make everything better, so consumed by it, that we don’t see the red flags in the relationship.

We see what we want to see, and nothing else.

I made my fair share of mistakes from bad relationships that I feel like, helped me get into the wonderful one that I’m in today and will be in for the rest of my life.

I decided that I’d like to share them with you tonight.

So I give you, not in any particular order, 10 good things I learned from bad relationships.

  1. Trust your gut – If you think somethings wrong, you should go with that feeling. Now I’m not saying just thinking somethings wrong because you’re bored or don’t trust yourself. I’m talking about if you really feel in your gut that somethings not right, it probably isn’t. If he butt dials you when he says he’s chilling at home by himself and you hear a party in the background, that might be a red flag. If lying is something they can easily do, they might not be the one for you. Don’t be that girl that finds out he was cheating on you the entire time you were worried. Don’t prove yourself right, it feels awful.
  2. Don’t be “that person”- Don’t be obsessed over everything they do. If he tells you he has this super close friend who’s a girl, unless he gives you a reason to, don’t jump to being jealous. It ultimately proves your insecurities to the other person and does nothing but stress you out. Trust the person you’re with unless they show you otherwise.
  3. Don’t wait to be dumped – If you see the signs that somethings not right, like he ignores your texts and calls for an entire weekend, don’t fight for it. If they don’t show you the same passion that you show for them, why waste your time and energy on them. Don’t be that person that sits and waits for them to tell you what they want, if you don’t want to be treated that way, then don’t.
  4. Don’t go for the people that you think you can “fix” – because you literally never can.
  5. Don’t force what’s not there – If you feel like somethings missing, or they feel like
    somethings missing, don’t hold yourself back from life because you’re trying to force this relationship. If something isn’t meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Forcing something that’s not there isn’t a way to make it better. At the end of the day you’ll have this fake relationship that neither of you need or want.
  6. Don’t change for anyone – I’ve seen too many relationships ruined because someone tried to be exactly what they thought the other person wanted. If he wants this super easy going person, but you’re the one who plans your entire life, why make yourself go crazy when it’s not who you truly are? There is such thing as changing for the better, like changing bad habits or faults that you may have because of the other person. Just don’t change your interests and lose yourself in the search for this perfect relationship.
  7. Listen to your friends and family if they say they don’t like them – The ones closest to you really know who you are. They know what’s going to mesh best with you and what will make you better. If they see any faults in the other person that are concerning enough to bring it up, maybe you should take their opinions into consideration.
  8. Don’t be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship – This one may sound almost stupid but it happens. You’re looking at her. If somethings missing in your life or you see all of your friends getting in relationships, don’t worry about keeping up with them. You don’t need a boyfriend because someone else has one, and you don’t need to force anything because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’ve always told my husband that if we would have had a little girl, I would have preached this to her. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship. Don’t rush it. Wait for the right guy and don’t waste so much energy on the wrong ones.
  9. Don’t let him hurt you – If someone calls you a bad name or tells you that you don’t matter, don’t listen to them. This might sound like another easy one but sometimes people need to see it written in front of them. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to accept their bad behavior. They can hurt you and call you names but apologizing and saying I love you doesn’t always fix it. You don’t have to give anyone second chances they don’t deserve.
  10. Love yourself first – I feel like I’ve gone over this one so many times, but that’s because it’s the most important one. I’ve had relationships where I worry about everything the other person needs and not my own. Don’t get me wrong, a relationship is a partnership and you’re both equal. But you need to love your damn self first. If you love yourself, as much as you possibly can, you’ll find love easier. You’ll find that you know what you want, what you need, and what works best with your personality. You won’t have to change for anyone and won’t have to make it work when it’s not supposed to. When you truly love yourself, love will find you.

There you go.

A little bit of my heart and past relationship advice on this hazy summer night.

I hope, if you need it, you can take some of this and apply it to your life.

Remember it and never forget it.

And I hope that if you’re lucky enough, like myself, to have love.

That you never let it go.

That time I met the love of my life

It’s when you least expect it.

That’s what you always hear.

That you’ll meet the love of your life the moment you least expect it.

There’s more to it though.

You can’t run around life thinking to yourself..

Is it going to happen now?

How about now?

What if this is the unexpected moment when I meet the love of my life.

You just can’t do that.

It won’t happen.

Trust me.

I spent so many years wondering those things to myself.

Relying so much on the empty hope that this was that unexpected moment where I meet the love of my life.

It’s so simple looking back at it now.

The moment you meet the love of your life isn’t when you least expect it, it’s when your life is where you expect it to be.

When you decide to take charge and start living the life you want, and start appreciating everything you are, that’s when it happens.

I actually met the love of my life when I was dating someone.

I went to my old high school to visit a teacher who was retiring.

My sister was coaching with our old track team and suggested that I just come with her to their practice.

I stood awkwardly, like I do best, on the side of the track, waiting for practice to start.

My sister stood next to the kids she coached to take attendance when she noticed the head distance coach coming.

She gave me this look like “quick pretend you’re me and I’ll hide” and proceeded to hide in the middle of the runners.

He came over to me and just started talking faster than me, which I didn’t think was possible.

“Hey what’s up (highfive) you look dressed up today what’s going on, so today for practice I was thinking.”

I had to interrupt him because I felt bad.

I told him that I was Janelle’s twin sister and she was off hiding in the middle of the kids.

And that was it.

There weren’t sparks in the air, and I didn’t instantly know.

I think it’s because I wasn’t in the right place.

I thought poorly of myself and was in a bad relationship.

I wasn’t ready to love someone let alone myself.

Fast forward a couple of months to me getting dumped with a lot of time on my hands.

I worked weird hours at my job where I didn’t start work until 2:30 in the afternoon, leaving so much spare time in the morning.

I decided to see if I could help coach with my sisters team during the summer.

Something I loved doing, running.

Something that my ex didn’t want me to do.

Something that might help bring some extra joy to my life.

She was going to be working and needed someone to take her place.

A few days later I got a message on Facebook from the person I had earlier tricked into thinking I was my sister, Jason.

He asked me about coaching and said that he was super excited to meet me.

Again, didn’t think anything of it.

A couple of days later he had posted a picture on Facebook that I liked, within minutes I received another message.

It was after I got off of work, so around midnight or so.

I stared at my phone.

My heart started beating incredibly fast.

What do I do.

What do I say.

He literally asked me a question but I found myself getting nervous.

I hadn’t even started coaching yet, why was he interested in talking to me.

I remember talking to myself.

“He’s so cute, but older than you Megan, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER.”

I responded back and we just started talking.

A few conversations turned into days.

Talking to him was the easiest feeling.

I was so nervous to start coaching, hanging around with him.

He was so cute.

I was finally in that place where I wanted to be.

I had fallen in love with myself, started coaching, and appreciated everything that my life was.

I had spent so much time with myself that I can say I truly loved myself for everything that I was.

I can’t speak for him.

I don’t know what he was thinking about that night he first messaged me, or that day when he thought I was my sister.

But I knew when we first started talking that he was special.

I knew I needed him in my life one way or another.

He had become my best friend.

I couldn’t imagine a day not talking to him.

It wasn’t easy though.

I had to wait for him to get to where he expected to be.

I had to wait for him to figure out what he wanted and where he wanted to be.

If you know me at all, you know that I like to control everything, but I couldn’t control this.

It was probably one of the biggest moments in my life up to that point.

Deciding I couldn’t control this.

That I had to let things happen the way they were meant to be.

I had finally gotten to a place where I was comfortable enough with myself that I could wait.

Not stress.

Not obsess.

But wait.

That if it was meant to be it would happen.

And it did.

It wasn’t easy.

Waiting.

But it was worth it.

When both people are in the right place, wonderful things can happen.

That summer I fell in love with my best friend.

The love of my life and now amazing husband and father to our wonderful son.

It doesn’t happen with you least expect it.

It happens when you’re at this point in your life when you’re happy and you stop thinking about it.

It happens that moment you decide to love yourself.

That moment you decide to let things happen the way their supposed to happen.

Bears.Beats.Battlestar Galactica.

10

Reflect on your first love, who were they? Why did you fall in love with them?

We always remember our first love.

Sometimes they’re bad.

Sometimes they’re good.

And since I tend to talk about my bad past relationships I’m going to take it down another road today.

I first fell in love when I was 18.

We were going to go to the same college so we started talking before hand.

He was funny, different, and unlike any boy in high school.

He didn’t try to be anyone that he wasn’t.

Which was so refreshing.

I remember being so excited about the new Taylor Swift CD when it released one morning at school, but I didn’t have a car and we were in Portland.

He woke up early to go get it for me, and didn’t care when I listened to it on repeat all day.

One time I really wanted dutch bros but he had class, and the nearest location was 70 blocks away. He let Janelle and I take his car, which he probably shouldn’t have, because we drove the entire way there without knowing the emergency break was on.

He also had the worlds best family. They welcomed me in and were the nicest people ever.

Most of the memories that I have with him I can look back and laugh at.

When we were together we were always laughing.

Which concerned me.

I think we might have only had one big fight, it was eight years ago so my memory is a little fuzzy.

We were more like best friends.

He spoiled me, and I loved that, but I got to the point where I wanted someone to tell me no.

I wanted someone to not have the same opinion as me. Someone to tell me that I was being stupid if I was indeed being stupid.

I wanted something more.

Everything was so easy.

And I wanted it to be hard.

Does that make sense?

I was only twenty and I felt like I needed more before I wanted to settle down with someone.

My family loved him too, which is fine, my families opinion is the most important, but that made it much harder.

I just remember talking to my parents about it. I remember telling them how I felt, and that he had become more like a best friend, and that it wasn’t what I wanted at that time.

We were together a little more than a year and a half before I broke up with him.

And it was one of the hardest things I had to do.

Have you ever had to break up with someone and not wanted to at the same time?

You know it’s what you want to do but also know that you’re letting go of your best friend.

That you’ll hurt them.

And you’ll be alone.

That’s what it felt like.

I knew that I wanted to and needed to, I was just so afraid of the heartache it was going to cause us both.

It wasn’t easy, but it needed to be done.

And looking back, I’m obviously happy I did and I know he is too.

We weren’t perfect for each other but he was a great friend.

And were still friends.

He’s met my husband, they’re friends and they like each other.

I’ve met his girlfriend a few times and I like her as well.

My family still talks to him too.

I texted him yesterday to ask him if I could do this by asking..

“question”

and he responded with..

“which bear is best.”

Because he introduced me to the office and we binge watched 6 seasons together and that quote is arguably the best quote from the entire series.

That’s who he is.

Super forgiving.

And I’ll forever be grateful that he forgave me for hurting him.

That he gave me another chance to be his friend because I really valued his friendship.

That he showed me what I wanted out of a relationship.

That I wanted it to be work, that I wanted it to not be entirely perfect. I wanted someone to be okay with my Taylor Swift obsession but tell me if they don’t like her latest single.

That it was okay to have different views, to listen to each others opinions, have different ones, and maybe learn something.

But most importantly he taught me that when I found the right person, he had to be able to make me laugh.

That if you can laugh with the person you’re with then it will all be fine.

Quarter Life Crisis

image1-1

Something weird happened the other day. I’ve had four days to try and process it all and that’s the only word I can come up with..weird.

Do you ever have something happen that’s completely unexpected? So unexpected that it hits you in the face like a brick but yet it’s tied up with a pretty pink bow? Something that’s supposed to maybe hurt but it’s done so nicely and by a friend that you truly love and adore that you don’t want it to hurt. It shouldn’t hurt, and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just weird.

I think if this was three or four years ago it would really hurt, and I would feel differently. I would be mad. I would sit in my room and listen to my Taylor Swift sad playlist and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 days until I knew it all by heart. I would overthink everything and really feel like I got stabbed in the back. But I don’t, and that’s weird for me.

I tend to take things personally, think that someone is going out of their way to hurt me, that’s not the case though and that’s what is so weird for me. I am not processing this how I normally process things, I am just content. I realized I cannot control this and I don’t want to.

When I got this news I stared at my phone for a good five minutes, not knowing how I wanted to word my response. It was such a genuine and respectful message that there was no way I could be mad. Honestly I would be mad if I had to find out another way.

Time has passed, I am not the same person I was four years ago. I have so much more respect for myself. I am confident and capable of so much, and it took some time to realize that. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who treats me so much better than I deserve, and together we made a perfect little boy who is my world. Things have changed, I have changed, and I am way better off than this time four years ago.

I think that’s why it doesn’t bother me..because I simply don’t care. I don’t see why I should spend my time being upset or bothered by something that does not change my life in any way. My wonderful life that I wouldn’t want any other way. And that’s what is so weird for me. That’s why it took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and respond, because I wasn’t bothered by it. I wasn’t reacting the way that I really thought I would.

I was at peace with the situation, I was perfectly okay with it, and that’s what is so weird for me..but I’m so happy with how I handled it. Seriously, I deserve a huge pat on the back from myself for this one. I think that’s why this is my quarter life crisis..I was so thrown off by how well I took the news and how little I let it bother me, and that’s what is so weird

Although I wish I could have realized this earlier in life I’m happy I did now. I’m so pleased with myself for not caring. I am so proud of the person I’ve become and the lesson I’ve learned. That’s why I’m writing this, not with the intention to call anyone out for hurting me, because no one did. I’m writing this to hopefully get the attention of anyone who lets others actions affect them. It’s so easy for me to sit here and say not to worry about other people’s actions and to not let them bother you, because for 26 years I did and I still will, but in this situation I learned that I can.

I can not care about people’s actions. I can respect them for handling it the right way and respecting me, but ultimately I don’t care. I am happy with myself and beyond happy with my life that that’s all I need. I don’t need to spend time worrying about the actions of others. I can sit here and be content with something, not let it have a negative affect on me and just move on.