How to Survive life with a one year old.

If I had a dollar for every time Jason and I have said to each other..

“There’s not a book on this kind of stuff, no one tells you what to do”

when it comes to raising Ian I’d have a lot of money on my hands.

No but seriously.

No one tells you how to raise a child.

You just kind of figure it out.

However, certain things come easier than others.

Like finding out what puts your little one to sleep might be easier than knowing what kinds of food to feed them and when.

Getting them to ditch their bottle might be the hardest thing ever, and lets not even start on getting them to sleep through the night.

Some things might be easier for one family and harder for the next, but that’s just how it goes.

Everything’s different, you just have to learn and figure it out as it goes.

If you’re reading this and don’t have kids, I’m sorry, this isn’t the most assuring thing in the world.

This is just how I see it.

And it doesn’t get easier as they get older.

It’s different every day.

And in that moment you might not be able to see it, but it’s amazing.

Just not at that moment maybe.

Especially when they decide that they want to poop in the bathtub.

It’s a crazy ride, but I feel like as a mom of a one year old, I can give some advice on how to survive it.

How you yourself can keep your sanity and not want to pull your hair out.

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Have a sense of humor. Seriously. It’s so hard to get through the night and not laugh. It might be stressful and there might be days where you just want to scream, but if you can’t stop and laugh about it you’ll never make it. You just have to remember that when they sneeze in your face or throw their food on the ground, that they didn’t mean it and they still love you. You can’t laugh about everything, you’re human, you have emotions. Just try and laugh every now and then.

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Have wine on hand. It doesn’t have to be wine, it can be any sort of dessert. Something that you love and that’ll help you relax whenever the little one decides to go to sleep, if they decide to go to sleep. I’ve found that on those nights where Ian has a little too much energy before bed, a nice glass of wine (or two) is the most beautiful thing in the world after he decides to go to sleep. If I don’t have wine, brownies or cereal are a good substitution.

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Sleep when they sleep. This one is super important, and something I wish I would have done more when we had just brought Ian home. If you didn’t get any sleep the night before and they decide that they want to sleep for an hour, you might as well catch up on your z’s. Seriously, take advantage of the peace and quiet if you need it.

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Pick and choose your battles. Your child running around the house with no pants on, doesn’t sound as bad as them playing with the garbage can, right? Or if they decide they want to take all of their snacks out of the bags and play with the boxes it isn’t as bad as them wanting to play with the outlets. There are some things that are ok and aren’t worth a total breakdown.

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Celebrate the little wins. This one is huge, especially if the house is a jungle of toys and dirty laundry but you got your little one to eat all of his lunch without giving it to the dog. Celebrate those little wins and give yourself a pat on the back. A wins a win in my book and it’ll help your sanity. Remembering that you might have had a hard day but you got the house cleaned up is worth that extra cupcake you want to reward yourself with.

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Have something that’s yours. I can’t stress this one enough, if you take anything away from this post, make it this. When I was on maternity leave with Ian I was going crazy. I loved it don’t get me wrong, but I needed something that I could do to take me away from the responsibilities and bottles just for an hour if anything. That’s where my blog came in. It was my escape, my sanity. Whether it’s working out, knitting, or starting a blog. Anything that can be 100 percent yours, will be a nice little treat when you can get a minute away from the baby.

There you have it folks, how to survive life with a year old.

It’s different for every baby.

However, there are things we can do as parents to keep our sanity.

To make days not as stressful and to laugh every now and then.

Remember, were all human and we make mistakes.

Kids can’t tell the difference and they love us no matter what.

Being a Mom.


In four short days I return back to work after three months away. I remember thinking right before I left how long three months was.

“I can’t wait to spend three months with my little man..I get to have all of the holidays off to cherish them with him..and I can binge some serious Netflix.”

I always heard how fast those three months would pass but I didn’t believe them. I just figured they would be long, slow days and it would feel like forever till I had to go back..boy was I wrong.

I can remember the day so vividly. I was so nervous, never having any sort of surgery before can make you terrified for a c section, but I knew I had to keep it cool for him. I knew I had to be calm for my family and Jason who stood by side.

I don’t even think I was breathing as I walked to the delivery room. I was so nervous just for the shot, and for the fact that Jason wasn’t going to be with me for the first ten minutes. I remember asking the doctors where my husband was, and when he was going to be there..I’m sure they were pretty annoyed.

Eventually I was laying down when the doctor asked me if I could feel my legs, I actually started to laugh because I was so shocked that I couldn’t. I said “I can’t even lift my leg..watch.” They didn’t like that.

Next thing I knew the big blue curtain was up and I asked Jason to talk to me the entire time, I didn’t want to think about what was happening. I just wanted to meet our son finally.

I heard the doctors say, “well someone’s a chunky monkey” and I felt the biggest sense of relief I never thought was possible.

He was here, finally.

This beautiful chunky little piece of heaven that we made was finally here.

Jason left for the other side of the room to watch him get measured and I just waited very impatiently for them to be done so I could hold him in my arms. It was pretty quiet on my end at that point, I realized there was music playing over. I couldn’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner.

One of my favorite songs was playing when Ian was born.

You know those songs that seem to be a part of some major points in your life? It was playing, and I started to cry.

The nurse brought him in and I couldn’t stop looking at him. Smiling and looking. Kissing his big head and realizing that in that moment I had never been happier.

I won’t lie and say that the hospital was a breeze after that, there were definitely lots of hours spent in silence staring at him to make sure he was still breathing and nurses coming in every two hours to prick me and poke him.

We got to bring him home just four days later, I remember thinking that this was it. We were parents, on our own with no nurses to call into our room and answer questions. We were about to embark on the biggest journey of our lives.

I was so nervous the ride home, I made Jason take all of the turns extremely slow and had him drive a little under the speed limit. I probably said “careful Jason” twenty times in the ten minute drive home.

Having him home felt perfect, like the missing piece to our little puzzle was compete. His first two weeks consisted of sleeping, eating, pooping and lots of cuddles. We took shifts during the nights, every two to theee hours we would wake the other one up to watch him.

One night Ian was fussy, I wanted to make sure Jason got the sleep he needed so I took Ian out to the living room. It was only the end of the October but my favorite movie was on. I was amazed.

Ian and I sat and watched Elf together in pure happiness..well I was happy..he was asleep but every few minutes I would find myself just staring at him in awe, wondering how something so small could be so completely perfect.

I ask myself that every day, how he could be so perfect.

How I got so lucky.

What did I do to deserve this beautiful little boy.

Being a mom changes you..well obviously because you have a child now..but your priorities shift. You instantly know how to hold him, what to do to get him to fall asleep, what makes him smile, and how to find so many things within yourself.

Patience is not one of my strongest skills, but I was so surprised how it just showed up the second he arrived. No one is perfect, especially me. There are moments when I get stressed just like everyone else but I’ve noticed how easy it is to remain calm and do whatever it takes to make him happy. How patience comes more naturally since I’ve become a mom.

And god..I love being a mom.

I love being his mom.

It’s the best job ever.

That’s why I’m nervous to go back to work, not because I’m not capable of working or because I’m afraid of it being hard..I’m going to miss him like crazy.

I know it’ll get easier, I know I’ll still miss him but I’ll be able to handle it better. I’ll be able to trust that he’s safe and realize that at the end of the day I get to see him and cuddle the crap out of him.

I just keep telling myself it’ll get easier. That I’ll have to keep letting him go little by little. That I have to give him his freedom to grow and turn into the amazing human I know he’s going to be.

No matter how old he gets, he’ll still be my little chunky monkey. He’ll still be my cuddle bug and I’ll be able to kiss him on the cheek even when he gets embarrassed by it, he’ll have no choice in that matter.

I’ll always cherish those nights at three in the morning where all I wanted was sleep. Him being curled up in a little ball in my arms, and so precious that I swore time stood still.

I know that no matter what at the end of the day that I’m his mom and I want nothing but the absolute best for him. I’ll work my hardest to make sure he always has what he needs and that he dreams big. I want him to believe that he can move mountains.

It will always come back to  those lyrics of the song. The one that always seems to come up at crucial parts in my life..

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you. And everything you do.”

Sitcoms and Snow

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Oregon does not know how to do snow, ever. We’ve had some crazy snow in my lifetime but most Oregonians freak out and close the state down. Okay, it’s not that bad but a lot of people who live in Oregon overreact and in today’s case we got a snow day out of it.

I was so happy, it meant my husband didn’t have to go into work. We could sit under the christmas lights we have hanging from the curtain and watch the snow fall in flurries. Our son couldn’t really enjoy the snow, since he’s only six weeks old and would turn into a snowman out there. That meant we had to cozy up inside and watch it from the windows, and surprisingly I was okay with that. I usually like to go out and explore the snow, take some pictures, and let our dog run free. Not being able to do that today didn’t bother me one bit. I was so excited to introduce our son to the snow through the windows and see his eyes get wide at the sight of the ground covered in white.

Being at home with my family brought me back to snow days I had growing up. It was an excuse to be in PJ’s all day and watch sitcom reruns until the nightly news came on. The last major snow day we had was on my twenty fourth birthday. I was pretty devastated to be honest, when I couldn’t go out to Dutch Brothers or run around town and do things. I thought my birthday was ruined and was acting like it was my fourth birthday not my twenty fourth. My husband (boyfriend at the time) walked over to my family’s house with his dog and we all ended up playing outside. My brother and dad built a slope down our front yard and into the driveway, we all grabbed sleds and spent hours running around in the front yard playing in the snow. Even though I wasn’t acting like it, looking back, it was the best birthday ever.

Spending the day with my family and reminiscing about snow days has me thinking about how lucky I am to have them all around. How, especially during the holidays, spending all of the time you can with your loved ones is all that really matters.

My family used to go all out for the holidays. We spent Christmas Eve with my grandparents on my mom’s side and did our own special night and I always looked forward to the time we got to spend together. It might not have been this big thing but it was always fun. On christmas day we would go over to my other grandparents house and have this giant, amazing christmas morning. There were so many members of my family, a giant breakfast, and so many memories.

As the years passed the celebrations were different, each year smaller but still so special. We’ve lost both of my grandpas, and not having them around makes me really want to celebrate the holidays more. To celebrate every little thing and cherish every second I get to be around my family. Family is the most important thing during the holidays, and today helped me realize that.

When Ian’s older I want him to remember having these special memories during the holidays like I had growing up. I want him to remember being so excited for snow days because it meant him and his dad didn’t have to go to school. I want him to be so excited to go over to grandma and grandpas house to open presents on Christmas morning and remember every little moment as vividly as I did.

Today I sat at home with my little family and watched daytime sitcoms and watched the snow fall, just like I got to to when I was younger. Something so small, but still so special. Something that reminded me how important it is to cherish every single moment you get to spend with your family and to take advantage of the time you do get to spend with them.

Fall foliage.

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“Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall” F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I always come back to this quote in the fall time, I love it. The first time I saw it floating around on Pinterest I thought to myself, “I love fall, and this quote is about fall so it’s perfect for this picture caption on Instagram.” Somehow it kept coming up, one way or another as the years passed. I would always think about it, wondering if there was more to it that I wasn’t really thinking about.

Every year things change. They come to an end so brand new things can begin. New adventures start creating new memories and we say goodbye to the old ones. I am reminded of this every day as I open Facebook and check the “on this day” section. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with emotion as I see a status about singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs with my sister as we drove to school, or about my Cross Country team traveling to apple ridge for the conference meet. Memories that, at the time you really don’t think about and appreciate for everything they are. Don’t get me wrong, I try to enjoy everything as it happens and appreciate the little things, but you really don’t realize how much you will miss something until it’s gone.

Just the other day I was thinking about my first college up in Portland. It was beautiful, especially in the fall. I was so incredibly nervous, I was an hour away from home, which for me was a huge deal because I was so close to my family. I remember so many little things like blowing up my espresso machine with my sister, and driving my boyfriends car 70 blocks with the emergency break on and not realizing it until I smelt smoke.I miss the 20 feet I had to walk from my dorm to the building where we had classes and how peaceful those twenty seconds were. I loved how small and close everything was. I miss that place, I have always wanted to go back just to look at what remains.

I especially miss my second college and that small town. Looking at that special track every day as I walked to class. Getting coffee from my favorite spot with just a splash of cream and peppermint to remind me of Christmas. I miss my best friend, I feel like I met her way too late in life. I learned lessons from her that definitely would have helped earlier.

That year after college, that was a hard one. Living at home which was away from all of my friends felt like the end of the world but it was definitely one of my favorite points in life. I was having the hardest time looking for a job, I had just got dumped, and I was really struggling. It was in that time that I started coaching, met my husband, got the job that I have had now for almost four years, and was best friends with my dad. Every morning we would walk my dog at the high school nearby and just talk. It was when I moved out that I realized how incredibly thankful I was that I had that time with him, I think those moments are why I feel so close to him now. That year definitely was my favorite, it was a year that had started out feeling like the end of the world. Yet, just like the fall, it ended and started something new. A new year, new memories and new adventures.

 Lately I have been reminiscing on old times and missing the small things that made memories that will last a lifetime. As the fall begins I look back at how every year things end so new things could begin. It really is a beautiful process. All of these memories I have are just that, memories, and this fall I am creating new ones. Five years from now as I drop my son off at kindergarten I guarantee you I will cry like the biggest baby ever in the car missing these days when he was curled up in a ball asleep on my chest. That process will never end, every year I will miss things as they come to an end, but be so grateful that I get to create new memories. I think that’s why I love the fall season so much, because it reminds me that no matter what ends in life, new things will always begin.

Let it go, let it go.

If I had to point out my biggest flaw it would be that I am a control freak. I have to know what’s going on exactly when it’s going on. I try not to be too obsessive, because I know it’s not the healthiest thing in the world, but I find myself stressing out over the smallest things. The fact that the car in front of me is going too slow, or that I’m not early to work in the morning, because if I’m not early I’m late. I think that’s one main reason I hate flying, because I can’t see exactly what’s going on up front and have no control on if we hit turbulence or not..it’s either that or I watched too many episodes of lost.

 Having a child has made me lose most of my control, I have to realize that life now goes according to this two week old little boy who’s asleep next to me. I usually love the chaos, taking it and making it go exactly how I want it to go, but this chaos is like nothing else. This little boy lets me know when he’s ready to do something or when he wants to be held and cuddled, don’t get me wrong I love the cuddling, but my life is now on his schedule.

I think where it really gets me is when it comes to cleaning my house. I love cleaning, seriously it’s ridiculous how much I love cleaning. I get all antsy when I can’t wipe down the tables or organize our dogs toys. I haven’t vacuumed in 18 days…18 days. That might seem normal to some people but to me I would have never imagined I would live in a world where I didn’t vacuum at least once a week. I haven’t stopped cleaning my house because I am lazy or spend most of my time walking around like a zombie covered in baby spit up, but because my doctor told me I had to limit my daily activities due to my c-section. I hate being limited, almost as much as I hate not having control of everything. I want to constantly be doing things, all of the things.

This makes me sound like a head case.

I just know what I like and know how I like it done, but newborns don’t care.

It’s hard telling myself to let it go, to not stress and to just handle things as they come up. Life is about living in the chaos, not controlling it. Especially with a baby making it more chaotic, I want to just laugh in the middle of him peeing on me mid diaper change, and that’s what I’ve done. It amazes me how fast I have let things go. The other night when my husband and I were changing his diaper Ian decided he wasn’t done. We went through five diapers because he just kept going. Jason and I looked at each other and just laughed, making a joke out of the moment. In 5 years when he can go to the bathroom by himself we will be able to look back at that night and just laugh and tease our son for that time he went through five diapers at four in the morning.

I find myself thinking about how easily stressed out I was before Ian came into my life and how the smallest things would get on my nerves. Now obviously things stress me out still, life is not unicorns and roses, but I find myself letting the small things go a lot easier. My morning cup of coffee gets cold, the kitchen floor doesn’t always get swept, and sometimes dishes pile up in the sink, and the beauty in that chaos is that it’s all okay. Life doesn’t always go as planned and sometimes you can’t obsessively clean like you want to clean, and that’s okay. I never thought that lesson would take me 26 years to learn, but it did, and I feel like I am much better because of it. I’m not naive, I know there will be hard times and that’s perfectly okay with me. Life isn’t always perfect, that’s what makes it so great.

A little back story.

Life has taken a complete 180, seriously. I went from someone who could get eight hours of sleep and leave the house in two minutes if needed, to someone who is responsible for another life. Babies are a whirlwind, a beautiful one, but a whirlwind none the less. I am finally getting around to starting this blog that I have been wanting to start since September. I use to have a blog a couple of years ago but I didn’t tell anyone. I would wonder “what if someone thinks it’s dumb” or “what if I get made fun of” and deleted it. I saved all of the post and figured that one day they might come in handy. Then one day, my favorite podcast started a blog and asked for fan submissions, I took a risk and figured the chances of anything getting accepted were pretty slim. A couple of weeks later I saw that I was tagged on Instagram in a post and noticed that they posted my story. I freaked out. You don’t even understand how bad I freaked out. I texted my husband and my sister and told them the news and they both said how proud they were of me. That was probably the biggest and most important thing, was that two people who I am proud of were proud of me. After an internal struggle with myself I decided to post a link to the article on my Facebook and got some super nice responses, the ones I really cared about were from my parents. I had recently been feeling like I didn’t have something that was just mine, an outlet for me to pour my heart into and be creative with. I realized at that moment that it was time to start my blog up again. I had prepared the site and was ready to start posting when we found out that my son came into this world. Suddenly life was completely different. I find myself up two to three times in the middle of the night rocking him to sleep and changing multiple diapers at a time with my husband by my side. Life is completely different and I couldn’t be happier.
Now where does my blog fit into all of this? I have so many ideas and I am so excited to see where life takes me and where this blog fits into the picture. I have lots of ideas floating around in my head, and written down on my phone, I cannot wait to get it all out of my mind and into the world. I, by no means have anything close to figured out and I’m sure I will make some mistakes along the way of this carousel called life (Grey’s reference you’re welcome) but I am so excited to finally commit to this and give it my all. I am truly bummed that I gave up the first time around and hid due to the fear of what others might have thought, but as my best friend once told me, as made famous by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

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