Dear Body.

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How do you feel about your body? Why not write a personal letter to your body telling it how you feel.

Dear Body,

Hey it’s me. How are you doing? I know we’ve been through a lot together, and I just wanted to tell you that you’re doing a great job.

I treated you pretty well when we were growing up.

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I never broke a single bone, and always made relatively healthy choices.

Kept you in good shape.

You’re welcome.

I know running helped.

We worked out every day together and you always kept me going.

I put you through miles 

and miles

and miles of running.

And you always gave me your all.

You never left me hanging and came through for me when I needed you.

We ran through grass and mud, on road and gravel, across cities and states.

Through all of that you hardly had any injuries.

Even though I didn’t always do a “proper” cool down, or stretched when I was supposed to, you recovered like a boss.

And for that, I’m grateful.

I did however, want to say that I’m sorry.

For all of those times through my late teenage years and early twenties.

When I said and thought those terrible things about you.

When I thought you were fat.

When I took you for granted.

When I didn’t appreciate how beautiful and strong you were.

There were times through college where I would look in a mirror and be mad at you.

Wondering how we could run all of those miles together, and I still wasn’t happy with how you looked.

And I’m so sorry.

Looking back at pictures of us throughout our college years, you were so strong.

I can’t believe I thought my muscular and tough thighs were fat.

I can’t believe I wanted you to look better than you did.

I hope you can forgive me.

If it helps, I can see it now.

I’ll never forget that time you helped me through the marathon.

Even though we had a rough moment at the end.

That fall and blackout was so scary. But even though consciously I didn’t know what was happening, you took charge and brought us across the finish line with a great time. You helped us recover quickly, and were much happier once I ate that cheeseburger.

And I can’t forget being pregnant.

You helped create a beautiful baby.

A 21 inch

9.15 pound

beautiful baby.

You helped keep him safe, and when we were ready for him to come into the world, you made the process so easy.

Afterwards you recovered so well.

It was a hard few weeks, and you were so tired from the last nine months.

When we went on our first run together after Ian, it was so hard.

Our lungs were frozen, and legs were dragging.

But you wanted more and I could tell.

We kept working out.

Slowly but surely.

We were getting back to how we use to be.

Now were busting out eight minute miles and I couldn’t be more proud.

I wish I could tell myself then what I know now.

To appreciate you more, and not be so mad when we eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

That it’s nice to treat you to something special every now and then.

That just because you feel fat, doesn’t mean you are fat.

I’m so proud of you.

For everything you’ve helped me through.

For the tough times.

And the great times.

For everything that led me to loving you exactly how you are.

You’re beautiful and I’ve loved watching you get better and better.

I know no matter what comes our way in the future, you’ll be there to help me get through it.

 

A lesson learned.

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Reflect on one of the greatest life lessons you have ever learned?

A lot of the lessons that I’ve learned in life take me back to my younger days.

Don’t skip class by walking out of the front doors of the school.

Look out for crazy drivers on the road.

Study for your test.

I thought those were all just silly lessons you learn when you’re young and by the time you’re in college you would learn all of the serious lessons.

I had no idea that you would go through something at age twelve and again at seventeen..

And twenty..

And twenty three.

That it would keep happening until you finally realized what was going on.

You would realize what you were blind to all those years ago.

That you thought you knew what you were doing but you kept making the same mistakes over and over again until the answer was so obvious it hit you in the face like a brick.

Ok not literally, but the pain was probably similar.

You’re worth more.

I had this idea growing up that stayed with me until I was 23 that I had to find love.

That even though these people were clearly not fully invested in me like I was them, that I could change that.

I blame all of those romantic comedies I watched.

Even though I clearly wasn’t treated right, I was blind to it because I wanted so badly for that relationship to work.

And it didn’t.

They all kept falling apart and I was convinced that I was doing something wrong.

Was I too clingy?

Not clingy enough?

Not good enough?

Not pretty enough?

I just wanted my relationships to work and wasn’t paying attention to what was going on.

That I was worth more than all of those boys combined.

My parents tried to tell me growing up.

Boys are stupid..

And they weren’t wrong.

On one hand I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time with these people.

But on the other I’m grateful to have had these experiences because without them I wouldn’t have learned the lessons attached to them.

When I was twelve I liked this boy who later told my sister that he liked her more than me. Like a good sister, she ran and told me and I ended it after we confronted him.

But like..what the hell?

I was mad, but instantly thought something was wrong with me.

When I was seventeen I dated a guy who constantly told me I wasn’t good enough and should just quit the things in life that made me happy.

And I believed him.

When I was twenty I thought that I was dating the coolest guy ever. He was my rebound after a really good relationship that ended. Everyone loved him and I thought I was seriously the most amazing person for dating him.

Not that he was amazing for dating me.

But that I was amazing for dating him.

But after him avoiding my calls and text one weekend while he was visiting his ex-girlfriend, I soon realized that once a cheater always a cheater.

Yet I still thought I did something wrong, was I annoying and that’s why he cheated?

And when I thought I finally had it right, when I thought I was done with all of the losers and cheaters in the world, I found another.

I spent a year and a half with someone who felt that everything he wanted out of life was more important than anything I wanted.

That I wasn’t important enough to even compromise with.

I was so upset at first.

Thinking, maybe what I wanted was wrong.

It wasn’t until a while after, when I started loving myself more, that I realized I was worth more.

I deserved more.

I deserved someone who doesn’t compare me to other people.

Someone who is always faithful.

Someone who knows how to compromise when it comes to our different views.

No matter how many times they tell you different.

You’re worth more.

I came across this lesson again.

Someone who I love so much, finally realized that they were worth more than they were getting treated.

And now they’re shinning brighter than ever.

If you ever think there’s something wrong with you.

Look in the mirror.

Realize there’s not.

And start to surround yourself with people who also see nothing wrong with you.

You’ll be amazed at how happy you are and how fast things start to fall into place.

 

Dear 17 year old me.

Megan,

BREAK UP WITH HIM.

Sorry I had to make sure you got that.

Can you believe you’re about to be a senior in High School?! Your last season of Cross Country is about to happen and after that Track.

This time next year you’ll be going to college.

It’s getting real.

I’m here, your twentyseven year old self, to tell you that you turn out just fine.

There will be some tough times this year, but you make it through.

Try your hardest not to worry what everyone thinks ok? You think you’re awesome and that’s enough. I know you’ve spent the last few months with someone that treats you like crap, but I’m here to tell you that if you dump him you’ll be much better off.

Think before you sign to a college. Look at your options and don’t just think you know everything. The one you end up choosing is fine while it lasts though. You’ll have a fantastic cross country season and meet some memorable people, but you end up attending the number two school after all. and you love it.

I also want to tell you to not do anything different when it comes to running, I don’t want anything to change the outcome of your final year of running for McKay.

Oh and you end up coaching there, and it’s one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.

Don’t skip class, except to go get Dutch Brothers with Janelle, those will be some of your favorite memories.

Speaking of Janelle, be nice to her. She’s way cooler than you think. Treat her like she’s your best friend because she is, and when she tells you that someones bad for you, listen. If you’re by Janelle tell her the same thing, as many times as you can.

Oh and Curtis. I know he’s going to be an obnoxious sophomore but he turns out to be one of your favorite people. Know that when he makes fun of you or gives you a hard time, it’s because he likes you…at least I’m pretty sure….that’s what I tell myself.

Give mom and dad a break, they really do want what’s best for you and are right most of the time. And stop bugging them about getting a dog, you’ll get one soon.

When you’re leaving work the day of the Chris Daughtry concert this summer, turn right on sunnyview not left.

When it comes to boys, just don’t date any of them. They’re so stupid in high school,  I know I sound like mom and dad but I’m being serious. You literally see none of them after high school anyways. One of them in particular gets you in a lot of trouble and adds so much unwanted stress in your life. Oh and all of them are stupid in College too.

Start watching Grey’s Anatomy, they’re only on season four. You’ll thank me later.

Do whatever it is you want to do. Don’t worry what’s cool or not, you end up wasting so much time doing that. Listen to your rap music, roll the windows down, and sing at the top of your lungs.

Oh that also reminds me, don’t be afraid to drive. Just suck it up and get over that fear.

Start reading the Harry Potter books and watch the movies as they come.

Spend as much time as you can with Grandpa.

Love yourself first.

I want to tell you that’s it all works itself out. Things fall apart and even better things fall into place. People will walk out of your life and it won’t matter in ten years, you’ll meet better ones. You’re going to make mistakes and wonderful decisions. Take as many pictures as you possibly can and remember the time you spend with friends.

If I could I would give you a huge hug right now, I know this summer is a big one. Just know to not second guess your gut. You have all of the answers, just do what you believe is right. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, I promise it all works itself out.

I’m proud of you Megan. Seriously.

You might not realize it at this very moment but you’re pretty awesome the way you are.

You are the only one that can limit your greatness, remember you are enough.

Oh, don’t worry about getting a locker in senior hall. I know how big of a deal it is but you get one I promise.

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Things I learned in College.

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How did it go by so fast?

June 2017 is quickly approaching, and it will mark 5 years since I graduated college.

Excuse me while I cry in the corner for a minute ..

College was a lot at first. I started out at a private christian college up in Portland with my sister.

After a few short months of memories that I will always cherish, and some things that weren’t as much fun, we were off to Community College to try and get our next steps figured out. We completed two terms there and continued running when the opportunity came to attend Western Oregon University. We jumped on that train real fast.

I loved Western. I loved the people I met, the memories I made, the walks to and from the track, everything about that place helped shaped me into the person I am today.

It’s crazy thinking about the person I was when I started College and the person I am now. I went through college not being able to imagine my life without it.  I thought the real world was some fake thing that would never actually happen until I was dropped into it without a parachute.

You learn things in college.

Obviously.

But a majority of the things you don’t even realize you’ve learned until years have passed. I know quite a bit of people who are in college, or who will be attending in the next few years and I want them to have the best experiences. I want them to make mistakes, learn from them, and make some more.

You won’t learn until you make mistakes and grow.

At least that’s how I see it.

I’ve compiled a list of 14 things I learned in college. These are just 14 out of the many that I learned. I believe everyone will have their own memories, mistakes, and lessons that they go through. These are just some of mine.

  1. Hide out in the library- Seriously. There will be projects that take so much time and sanity from you that you will need an escape. You will need a space to just lay everything out and look at it. Figure it out and get it done. I ended up going to the library just to people watch and relax sometimes. We had these giant floor to ceiling windows that I loved.  I grabbed a coffee, sat in a chair and just people watched.
  2. Don’t force friendships- I tried so hard to get this one girl to like me. She had no reason to dislike me as much as she did and yet she still did. It bothered me. I wanted so bad to fix it. I hated walking around knowing that someone thought the worst of me. It wasn’t until the day she told me “I’ll put up with you here, but I’m not your friend and I’ll never be” that it finally hit me. Some people won’t like you..and it’s their problem not yours.
  3. Dance- I am an awful dancer, I have lots of people that can tell you that, but I love it. I loved being out with my friends and singing along to the music as loud as we could and just dancing. It probably wasn’t dancing, I think I just jumped up and down until I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. In those moments I forgot everything that was going on and only cared about my friends and the music.
  4. Have at least one best friend of the opposite sex- I adore this person. We hardly talk anymore and I’m not sure if he reads these things but I will always cherish his friendship. At first I thought he was the most annoying person ever and I probably told him I hated him multiple times a day. I can’t quite remember how we became close but I ended up being able to talk to him about anything and everything. It’s so good to get another perspective. If you’re having boy problems and go to all of your girlfriends they will give you a lot of the same advice. If you go to a boy, he will most likely tell you how it is. He won’t sugar anything and he will always look out for you.
  5. Take lots of pictures- This one is so incredibly important. Take as many pictures of anything and everything that you can.
  6.  Register for a class that you normally wouldn’t- My favorite classes at Western were all ones that I didn’t plan on registering for; Theatre Arts, Coaching Youth Sports, and Creative Writing. Creative Writing was probably my favorite. I didn’t know anyone, I was terrified, and I had no idea what I was doing. I wanted to quit once I found out that we had to write a short story and read it to the entire class. We had to let them critique it out loud. Meanwhile you had to sit at your desk and just take it without defending yourself. It got me to get outside of my comfort zone, to try new things, and to be open to criticism. My story ended up being the one piece of work I was the most proud of in College.
  7. Be present- This one seems obvious but sometimes we need a reminder to pay attention. People need to be present in their lives and make memories. Never miss a good opportunity to laugh so hard you cry, or those late night conversations about life and love because you’re glued to your phone.
  8. Don’t be afraid to take a risk- This can be anything. Taking a risk in the classroom, joining a new club, introducing yourself to someone new, anything. You will always regret those opportunities you didn’t take.
  9. Procrastinate- This might be weird. I’m not saying to avoid all of your school work and put everything off until you’re going crazy because you have a 12 page essay due the next day and you haven’t even picked a topic. Don’t do that, but some things I remember the most involve being up till 2 in the morning drinking my body weight in coffee. Everyone should experience those late nights, endless amounts of caffeine and laughing because you’re so stressed out. It’s part of the experience.
  10. Don’t give your trust out- Be cautious of who you trust. Some people will seem like they have the best intentions when all they care about is themselves. Don’t be skeptical of everyone you meet, just be careful of who you put your trust in.
  11. Find your true friends- I had five true friends by the time I graduated. I had lots of friends, but only a few people I would do anything for. These people are your support team. They will be there when you’re alone and scared, when you have a hilarious story to tell, or when you need advice. They will love you unconditionally and be there for you the second you need them. They are your lifelines.
  12. Don’t waste your time trying to be what others want you to be- This one’s tough. It might take you 4 years to learn. You might not even realize that you’re too busy trying to impress everyone that you’ve lost yourself. If everyone’s at a party and you only want to go because you’re afraid of what they’ll say if you don’t go, stay at home. Don’t focus so much on trying to get other people to like you, it’s draining and will never work.
  13. Spend some alone time- It can be in your dorm room, on a park bench, or at a table outside of the coffee shop, but be comfortable being alone. There’s beauty in being able to appreciate your own company. I would always spend the hour of downtime I had between my two morning classes my senior year, outside of the coffee shop on campus. I would sit on a table and work on homework, or drink coffee and people watch, but I loved it so much.
  14. Focus on you- At the end of the day you matter the most. You’re the one earning the degree, you’re the one paying for school, and you’re the one that’s going to have all of these memories. Do whatever you want to do. Study the degree that you want to study, spend time with whoever you want to spend time with, and don’t hold back. These are your four years and your time to grow and prepare for life.

College goes by so fast. So incredibly fast. Make the best out of it and cherish everything. Remember the walk to and from your classes, the smell of the morning, and the way campus looks in the fall. Remember it all and cherish it.

Thanks for letting me flash back to college.

Fearlessly.

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Fearlessly.

It’s a word right?

Well the little red line telling me I’ve made a spelling error isn’t there so I’m making the executive decision that its a word.

You might have heard the word fearless before, in a Taylor Swift song or on a girls Instagram caption. According to google fearless is defined as

a lack of fear.

I’m going to call googles bluff on this one. I think it’s almost impossible for someone to not have a single fear. I won’t say it’s completely impossible, but its borderline impossible. Everyone is afraid of something.

To me, the word fearless has a different meaning. I think being fearless is living in spite of the things that you fear. Fearless is knowing what you’re afraid of and doing it anyways. If you’re terrified of spiders but you squish that giant spider on the wall, you’re fearless.

It’s a small example but its still showing that someone was fearless.

Think about it.

If someone’s afraid of spiders and they kill it, they just did something they were afraid of.

If you can’t swim but you jump in the deep end because you want nothing more than to know how to swim.

You sign up for a marathon even though you’ve never ran more than 14 miles in your life and you can’t fathom doing another 12.

You’ve gotten your heart broken so many times but you decide to take a chance and text this incredibly cute guy because you can’t stop thinking about him.

All examples of being living in spite of your fears.

You aren’t being completely fearless, you are doing something fearlessly.

You are recognizing that something scares you, that it holds you back from getting what you want out of life. You realize that yes, you have a fear but it’s not stronger than you. That you are so much more than what you’re  afraid of. You take a deep breath and do it, whatever it is, and you do it fearlessly. As if in that moment in time, your fear doesn’t exist.

I write encouraging note cards for my athletes before every race, there first meet is tomorrow and I found myself using one word many times.

Fearless.

That’s how I got to this blog post. I started thinking about that word and what I was telling my kids to do. I was telling them to be fearless.

I was telling them that even though they might be nervous for their first meet to not let that hold them back. To run fast even though this was their first time doing this event, or run as if you’re the fastest person out there even though according to paper you might not be. Fearless.

I have grown to love this word so much and everything associated with it. To be fearless you must have confidence, strength, bravery, and heart. Everything that is important in life, especially when you’re a runner.

I can think of one time in particular when I was fearless. I was sixteen and I was running my second distract track meet for the 3000 against some big competition. I believe I came in ranked 8th or so. It must have been 85 degrees outside, it was the first event of the day and there I was, a little 100 pound scared to death high school sophomore, standing next to sixteen other girls.

I was scared. I felt like there was so much pressure but I ran. I honestly can’t remember much except the fact that I just kept running. I remember having this feeling every time I passed another girl.

There goes another one.

This feels so good.

I have to keep passing people.

Next thing I know I sprint through the finish line seven and a half laps later completely dead. My teammate came over to the fence and asked me if I knew what I just did. Obviously I had no idea I just kept running and passing people. She yelled at me “You took second place!! You’re going to State!” I was so insanely happy and I just remember it clicking.

I was afraid that I was going to fail, but something clicked inside me. Something told me, who cares if you fail, go out there and run as if you can’t fail.

Yes, everything in my life I can relate back to running.

But it’s one of my favorite examples of living fearlessly.

I believe we all have fears, but if we simply go through life letting those fears take control of us we will always be stuck.

We will never find out what more we are capable of if were afraid to try anything.

We will never see our true potential.

“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”

This quote sums it up perfectly.

Whatever passion you have in life, whatever sets your soul on fire and consumes you, do anything you can to pursue that. Yes, it might be terrifying and might seem impossible but that’s the fear talking. Sometimes we let the fear of the unknown over power our ability to make our dreams come true.

The thing I’m afraid of most in life, is failing.

But I continue to live my life fearlessly in spite of it. I continue to try and grow in pursuit of the things I desire most in life.

If we all just stopped trying once we got scared no one would be able to do anything truly amazing.

So live in spite of those fears.

Live fearlessly.

Follow your passion.

passion

I sit here staring at my computer screen just typing and deleting.

Typing and deleting.

Typing..

And deleting.

I love this blog I have created. It is so special to me and I cherish it. It’s my little corner of the world where I can say exactly how I am feeling and get it out for others to see if they desire to do so. I guess you could say that over the last couple of months I have become very passionate about it. I put a lot of thought about what I want to write and how I want it to be absolutely perfect. Sometimes I will type half of a story and go and delete it because it doesn’t work.

Somethings not clicking, it doesn’t sound like it did in my head.

Sometimes I just stare.

I have all of these beautiful thoughts in my head and I can’t get them out on the screen the way I imagined it.

I am a perfectionist. Yeah, I am a big perfectionist and if I am going to do something I am going to give it 100 percent of pure awesomeness or it’s not worth it. If I am passionate about it, I’m going to make sure that I give it the love and hard work that it deserves to go out into the world and strive.

I am passionate about a few things in life; my family, my son, running, and writing.

Some things just come natural, like my family. I don’t even need to think twice before I tell you how much I love my family and how I would do anything for them. How if you do anything to hurt any one of them you better hope you don’t run into me. I might be small but I am mighty. My dad taught me that, he taught me that I can do anything I want. He taught me how to be confident and fierce and how to really appreciate the Dodgers and good BBQ. Every time I am stressed or nervous I put Whitney Houston’s “I wanna dance with somebody” on repeat and it works wonders on my spirit. My mom helps me remember how to laugh at myself and how to help others and fight for what I want but how to be amazingly kind about it.

My brother and sister are the best. Seriously. I could write 10,000 words on why my sister is. She has been by my side for almost 27 years minus those first 10 minutes where she was just chillin and I hadn’t made my debut yet. Janelle taught me how to be brave, how to be kind, how to love others, and she taught me to love coffee. I will be grateful for that one forever. My brother forgave me for being annoying when I was younger, which that alone deserves a gold star. He puts all of himself in everything he does and when he wants something he does whatever is needed to go and get it. I look up to him.

My husband is my better half. Seriously. He has patience when I don’t, he gives others the benefit of the doubt when I want to jump to conclusions. He encourages me to do things when I would rather sit there and hesitate. He helped me make an amazing little boy who’s curiosity amazes me. Who smiles at anything and who has so much strength. He’s strong, loving, and everything I have ever wanted.

I love running, I have been doing it since I was 12. More than half of my life has been spent running around in circles in the rain, sun, snow, and mud. Running has shaped me into the person I am today. Running was there when I was having a bad day and would listen to my problems, running would forgive me if I forgot to run the day before or if I didn’t do so well in a workout. Running helped me believe in myself and helped me realize I can do wonderful things, like run 26.2 miles or run a five minute mile, or run side by side with some amazing people. Running gave me the courage to do the impossible.

I have always enjoyed writing. I would write song lyrics when I was in middle school and I thought they were so cool. If I was feeling any sort of way I could always put it down on paper. However, I didn’t see the real beauty of it. To me, it was just something I had to do in school or something that would never lead to a high paying job or lots of money and success so why spend my time doing it? It wasn’t until college when I had to take a creative writing class that I realized how much I really enjoyed it. I could be creative and express anything I wanted to with a pen and paper..or in this case my finger tips and a computer keyboard..and tell others any message I wanted to. I think that’s why  I love it so much, because I can tell someone anything I want. I can give advice, share memories, or tell stories and share my experiences with others. I can do so much with just my mind and a keyboard.

I am so passionate about all of these things. So incredibly passionate. I don’t think you get to pick your passions though, I think they come to you. You can’t pick your family, you’re born into it and in my case I got the best one there is. You can’t help who you fall in love with, sometimes they’re the same height as you and have the loudest and best laugh in the world, but you love them and they love you.  I never chose running, it was suggested to me by my parents and I fell in love with it on day one, and writing just came to me. I don’t believe you can find your passion, I believe they come to you. Sometimes they are things, sometimes they are actions, and sometimes they are people. Sometimes they slap you in the face and sometimes they take a while to truly appreciate.

Your passions make you who you are.

They push you in the directions of your dreams and help you realize your true potential.

I hope your passion finds you, and when it does I hope you put everything into it.

Let your passions fuel your fire.

Keep Sparkling.

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I feel good.

Seriously..I feel really good.

Such a simple statement for most people, but it’s not that easy for me. Confidence does not come natural. I am not the type of person that wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and thinks “damn I look gooooood.” I don’t do that. I mean I have, on occasion. This isn’t meant to be depressing or anything, trust me, it’s just something that I know isn’t my strong spot.

It likes to come in waves. Different parts of my life or different moments I feel completely untouchable, I walk into situations feeling like Beyonce. Other times I am constantly second guessing myself or comparing myself to every other person in the room.

I can tell you exactly when I started to second guess myself too, I was 17. It was the summer before my senior year in high school and I had just got done visiting with a college coach who wanted my sister and I to run for his team. I told my boyfriend at the time how excited I was and how this was such a great opportunity. You know what his response was?

“You know the only reason he wants you is because your sister is fast? You two are a package deal, you just come with her.”

Yup.

I know what a winner.

I got out of that about a month later, but because of that moment I got in this habit of second guessing myself. Was I good enough? Was I fast enough? Was I pretty enough?  Was I smart enough? Getting out of that relationship and focusing more on running helped me a lot. I was 18, I felt invincible and I was running the fastest times of my life. I started listening to Lil’ Wayne before races and rapping along, in my eyes no one could catch me and even come close to my awesomeness.

That feeling lasted through my first semester of college, it was the first time in my life that I was the best at something. It was amazing. It started to disappear when I transferred to a bigger college. I knew no one except my sister and everyone already had established friendships and relationships. And sometimes I felt dumb for trying to push myself during workouts, I remember hearing that some girls made fun of me for doing so well during a specific workout. I was told they were just bashing me and saying how dumb it was that I ran so hard, they questioned what I was trying to prove. I let that get to me.

Mistake #1.

I thought, “maybe I shouldn’t push the pace that hard today, don’t want anyone to be upset about it.”

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT..SERIOUSLY MEGAN. Looking back at it I don’t believe it myself.

You really are your own worst enemy sometimes. It wasn’t until a couple of years later and some good friends by my side that encouraged me to do my best and not care what anyone else says that I realized how good I was and actually started running hard. I held myself back from my one true passion in life because some people thought it was uncool. Don’t worry, moral of that story is I finished college running the fastest times of my life and let go of those negative people.

That’s the biggest part of being confident and happy in my opinion. Let go of the people who hold you back. The people who tell you that you aren’t good enough, who don’t share your goals and who don’t see a purpose to the crazy beautiful dreams you have.

They’re stupid, let them go, seriously do it. You will feel so much better.

I started really surrounding myself with the people who thought I was as amazing as I use to. My sister, my parents, my best friend, and my husband. I also coach high school athletes. If you ever want to feel good about yourself get into coaching. Those kids are always excited to see me, well I like to think they are. They hug me when they haven’t seen me in a day, and appreciate me for being upfront and tough. I love them for that.

If you want to do something that might be crazy but you are incredibly passionate about it, and anyone in your life questions you, get rid of them. You should always surround yourself with people who love you and support you no matter what. I am so lucky and blessed to have that support.

I think that’s why I am in such good place in life, finally. I have the best support system who I wouldn’t trade for anything. I realized today how good I felt, after my workout. I look great for having a baby two months ago, I have a college degree that I worked my butt off for, I have a great job, a beautiful baby, husband, and the best family ever. All of it makes me confident and gives me the faith that I really can do anything.

That’s the key to it all.

If you have anyone in your life that makes you feel insignificant or small get rid of them. Anyone who questions your dreams or passions doesn’t deserve to have you in their life. Sometimes that lesson takes 21 years to learn but when you realize it, it feels amazing.

I messed up.

 

Admitting that you’ve made a mistake is so hard, especially if your name is Megan and you always like to be right.

It’s hard, admitting fault, it means you have to be vulnerable and let someone know that you made a mistake, and I have such a hard time doing that.

But I’ve messed up.

I was starting my senior year in College and thought that at this stage in my life I would be completely confident in my own skin, but I was mistaken. I was waiting for that day that I would arrive on campus with my head held high, believing that I could take on anything and everything that year threw at me. I felt like something was missing, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew I needed just one more thing, or person. I had an amazing family, an awesome sister, some great friends, and I was in the best shape of my running career. Still though, I felt like I wasn’t completely whole.

Our first day of Cross Country practice came and I just remember being so excited to get out there and show my coach how hard I had trained that summer. We had finished the workout and were doing some drills in the grass, when my coach told us that we had to find a partner. Now I absolutely hate picking partners. I usually just take the easy way out and pick my sister but she had already picked someone. I stared at the group of girls hoping someone would make eye contact with me and awkwardly smile to confirm our partnership.

She did.

I didn’t know her that well, except for that her voice was a little high pitched and I heard her call a creek a crick.We started doing the wheelbarrow drill, where you hold your partners by their ankles as they walk across the grass on their hands. I got distracted and the next thing I know I heard her yelling my name as the grass left a nice little dirt stain on her face. I had been dragging her across the grass for a good ten feet. I felt terrible, but I must have done something right because she kept wanting to be my partner for things. She also kept talking to me, laughing at my jokes, and wanting to hang out with me outside of practice.

Finally, I had found it.

Our bond was almost instant. I had never met a friend, besides my sister, that I bonded with that quickly. Her advice was my favorite. She would tell me if I needed to suck it up and stop worrying about what other people thought, or if I was making a really bad decision. She would comfort me when I was hurt and threaten to hurt anyone who hurt me.She was the type of friend that I wanted and needed. If I ever came to her upset and needed advice she would tell me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. I will forever be grateful of that the most.

She was there by my side my whole senior year until graduation came. She was just starting her college adventure and I was ending mine. However, I only lived 30 minutes away and it was the easiest commute ever. I had no excuse to not see her.

We talked a lot during the summer. Had some Skype dates, wrote each other letters, and texted daily.

My life started getting a lot harder. I had gotten dumped by my college boyfriend, someone she was friends with, and honestly I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like that put her in a bad spot. I felt bad. I was looking for a job like crazy, and she was still trying to get college figured out. Our lives were going in two different directions, or so I thought, and I kept thinking I was too busy to send a text or make a call. And that was on me.

I know I’m a bad communicator sometimes, which makes absolutely no sense for someone who majored in Communication Studies, and that I suck at keeping in touch with people.

We’re still friends, I’ll still call her my best friend until I can’t anymore. I just feel like I really messed up. I’ve admitted it to her before, that I was so sorry for losing touch and that I would be better about it..but then I got engaged and married, and pregnant and kept making excuses.

When she told me she was moving 2000 miles away it broke my heart. I knew however that it was the best thing for her, and I was so incredibly proud of her. But I was so selfish in that moment. I instantly wished I had handled everything differently after college and wished I could have taken those two years back. I wished a million times that we were as close as we use to be. She might not know it, but that was one of the hardest things for me. Realizing that she wasn’t going to be just 30 minutes away. My biggest fear was that she was going to meet a new best friend and forget about me.

This person is one of the toughest people I have ever met. She is fierce, hilarious, and puts passion into everything she does. I look up to her so much.

It is so hard for me to admit I’m wrong, or that I’ve messed up, but I really did. I let my friendship go from something so strong to something I just did when I could. I want to get back to where it used to be and I hope it’s not too late.

When you have a good thing in your life don’t let it go. Whether it’s a friend, significant other, grandparent, anyone who you used to have contact with and may have lost it, go get it back. Even though it may require a bit of work and admitting that you were wrong it will always be worth it in the end.

Yesterday I went for a run.

todayiwentforarun

I got a little bit of myself back yesterday.

It was the first time I was able to run in ten months, and I would be fooling myself if  I said that it was absolutely amazing and it felt like I had never stopped running. That the fresh air filled my lungs and fueled every step. Something filled my lungs alright, it was like Elsa went all ice queen down there.

I stepped outside my front door, watch in hand, ready to go. Honestly, just that felt great, to have my running clothes on and my watch around my wrist, a sense of normalcy rushed through me. My running shoes were still loose from the last time I wore them, at nine months pregnant with ankles the size of apples…very large apples. I took a deep breath right before I pressed “start” and took off on my run. I started out a little too fast, in typical Megan fashion, and felt it by the time I got to the crosswalk.

I cannot express how happy I was to get to the crosswalk 400 meters in. I’m normally that runner that takes advantages of crosswalks for a quick break, and today those 15 seconds did not last long enough. It was a beautiful fall afternoon, which made the run a little easier. For a second I would forget how cold it was and pretend that it was late August. I ran that same road with one of my favorite athletes before her senior year. She was struggling, dry heaving the entire way down the long and grueling stretch. I had to convince her multiple times to keep going, and she did. By the time we ended the season she could run that stretch of road easily. I kept reminding myself of that athlete, and that it’s only a run they get easier the more you do them. She definitely helped me on this one.

I kept looking at my watch, hoping that first mile would come faster. I had set a goal to run three miles, so at that glorious mile and a half mark I could turn around. I told myself that if I made it that far I could stop for a couple of minutes and catch my breath. At one point I saw a cop car and thought to myself, “I mean if I am really struggling I guess they could help me?”

It was now time to head back home, I kept thinking about my hydro flask I had just filled up and was waiting for me. I’m not sure what it is but I’ve always thought that the last part of an out and back run feels so much faster than the first part. I just kept repeating that in my mind, over and over again, until my legs were moving a little faster.

Every time I felt the slightest bit of doubt I would try and motivate myself in any way I could..

Megan you ran all of those hard workouts in College, you can get through this.

Did you stop after you fell during the last home stretch of your marathon? No! So finish now!

You had a kid, seriously suck it up.

At last, that wonderful crosswalk that I swear had a halo around it, was back in my sight. This time I let it go through one full cycle of traffic so I could catch my breath for the last home stretch. I thought of my husband and my son at home, and that gave me fire I needed to kick it in.

I like to sit outside after I run. It helps me catch my breath and reflect on my run, but mainly to not look like a sweaty mess before I go inside. I sat outside a little bit longer on this one. I was really proud of myself, for getting out there and doing it. Ten months had passed since I had really gone on a run, and I had been dreaming about this moment since the summer. Imagining the day where I could run, even walk, without getting winded and needing to slow down.

Then I thought to myself, yeah I am super proud of myself and the fact that I got out there and did it. But I wasn’t satisfied.

I wanted to be faster and be able to run more miles. I knew that this run was just the beginning of the long journey to get back to where I used to be . I know it’s going to be hard, and it might hurt, but I couldn’t be happier to keep going. Here’s to working towards your dreams even though you know it’s going to be tough, and looking forward to the pain.

24 Things I learned by the time I turned 24.

Let me first say that I, in no way, have life figured out. Not even in the slightest. I do however feel like I have made my fair share of mistakes and have had that “what am I doing with my life” moment. Twenty Four is such a random age really, you’ve already turned 21 and gone through that “woo I’m drunk bitches” phase. 22 was your “post college, where do I go now” phase and 23..well 23 was just like 24. I feel like when you are in your twenties it is perfectly normal to have absolutely no idea what you are doing with your life. You spend your mornings sleeping in and drinking coffee, and nights are spent going out to dinner with friends and catching up on Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. Is that just me? I decided to put together a list of 24 things I learned by the time I was 24. All of the following are things that really stood out to me as important little lessons that I felt were worth sharing and maybe could resonate with someone out there.

1.If you’re not a wine person, you’re not a wine person. Don’t try to make it happen. Beer is an acceptable choice.
2.Have at least two nice “wedding appropriate dresses” in your closet. Your twenties are the times of 10 weddings in one summer so be prepared.
3.How to properly “social media stalk” someone…make sure your finger doesn’t accidentally press the “like” button on a picture from last October or you’ll be caught and extremely embarrassed.
4.You can give yourself up to 7 days to get over an ex…after those 7 days put that box of chocolate away, hide the romantic comedies, and start your new journey. If they aren’t upset, you shouldn’t be either.
5.Netflix is always a good answer for “what to do on this Saturday night?” Don’t feel ashamed if you’re not at a bar or out partying.
6.Living with your parents isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it is the best option, and your parents aren’t as bad as you think they are. You might realize how cool they can be.
7.You don’t have to be the most confident person in the world, but you need to love your body. Truly love it, treat with the respect it deserves and learn to appreciate it.
8.Tattoo’s and piercings are addicting…really. You can’t just have one, or two, or five.
9.It’s okay to confess all of your troubles to your cat, sometimes they are the only one’s who will listen.
10. Most people don’t have a great job right after college, or a fiance, or the answer to the question, “So what are you going to do after you graduate?” Don’t rush life, take your time with it and let it happen.
11.Never go for the bad boys…ever. Even if they tell you everything you want to hear. They will never be worth it.
12.Find one friend who will always be there for you. Don’t let them go. Tell them how much they mean to you and make sure that they know it.
13.Always have ice cream in the freezer, you want to be prepared for any unforeseen circumstances.
14.Never miss the opportunity to make a great “Mean Girl’s” reference. “God Karen you’re so stupid!”
15.Theme parties are the best kind of parties. Never pass up an opportunity to dress up for a “white trash bash” or a 90’s themed party.
16.It is possible to write a paper the night before it’s due. Just make sure you have lots and lots of coffee to keep you awake.
17.Trust your gut.
18.Don’t compare yourself to others. It won’t be the easiest thing but you need to, be happy with the way that you are.
19.It is ok to sing along with the radio as loud as you can. Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift are perfect karaoke partners. It’s not your fault that “Wrecking Ball” is one of the best songs ever.
20.You’re going to hurt someone, its unavoidable. Let time heal that one.
21.Spend time with your grandparents. The more time you spend with them the more you can see how funny they are and how much you can learn from them.
22. Take a selfie, as many selfies as you can.
23.Try not to take things so personally, some people are in bad moods. Don’t let their bad moods affect you.
24.Don’t be afraid to take a risk. Sometimes that thing that scares you the most is worth it.

** This post is from a blog I had a few years ago, I got super self conscious and got rid of it but kept all of the articles. I submitted this one to a blog that belongs to my favorite podcast and they published it! I figured it would be a great first post to have on my new blog.**