How have you changed from the person you were five years ago?
Five years ago.
December of 2012.
I was 22 about to turn 23.
And about to start one of the most important years of my life.
2012 was the year that I graduated college and was an adult in the “real world.”
I had no idea what 2013 was about to have in store.
My relationship was going to fall apart.
I was going to feel the lowest I ever had.
I was going to run a marathon.
Start my first big kid job.
Start to really love myself.
Fall in love with my future husband.
If only I would have known that in December of 2012.
I was happy.
I had the best family and the best sister.
Janelle and I were as close as we had ever been and my relationship with my family was great.
I just wasn’t that happy.
I was too busy trying to please others and be who they wanted me to be.
I was too busy faking that I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Too busy trying to make someone who was never happy with me happy.
That I didn’t stop to enjoy the wonderful people that actually wanted me happy.
I wish I could have told myself.
Hey you, yeah you’re just fine the way you are.
Stop and enjoy those around you and enjoy this time of year.
It’ll be one of the last years you get to wake up at home on christmas morning.
Stop worrying about the happiness of those who don’t matter and worry about yourself.
I’ve changed so much from that person five years ago.
Besides the obvious details like being a mom and wife.
I really started to appreciate myself.
Back then I could have told you five things I disliked about myself faster than the things that I loved about myself.
I was too busy wishing I had more than realizing what I had.
I was too busy settling for anything.
Instead of fighting for everything.
Looking back I’m mad at myself.
I wish I would’ve had just a little more fire in my life.
A little more fight and passion.
Instead of living for others and going through the motions.
I was about to embark on one of my favorite years and the next five years were going to be completely life changing and wonderful.
If you would have told me at 22 that at this very time five years later, that I would be married to be my best friend who treats me like the world.
With the cutest son and nephew.
That I’d be coaching the best group of kids.
And working a job that I love.
That I could wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and think..
I truly love myself.
I would have laughed.
Because I would have thought, that can’t happen to me.
I can’t be that happy.
And that was how my mind worked.
I didn’t expect much for myself.
I spent so much time with someone who just didn’t care.
When you surround yourself with people who just don’t care, neither will you.
I was trying to find a picture for this post so I went digging through the folders on my computer.
I found an album from when my family went to get our Christmas tree.
I looked genuinely happy, and I was.
I was so happy when I got to spend time with my family.
The ones who really pushed me to be better.
It always felt like they wanted to spend time with me, because they did.
That when I was with them, I could be myself and never had to try hard to make them want to be with me.
I wish I could tell myself back then, to just get rid of the negative people in your life.
To surround yourself with the ones who want to have their time taken up by you.
I’ve changed so much from the person I was five years ago, in many different ways.
The most important though, I can confidently say that I really do love myself.