Beyond Twenty Something

megan

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my blog, beyond twenty something.

A year of writing whatever I want and sharing it with anyone who wants to read it.

It may not seem like a lot to most people but to me this was huge.

Not only was I sharing my opinions and stories with other people, but I was making myself vulnerable to anyone who might think negatively about it, and that’s a big deal to me. I tend to worry about what other people think of me.

I know I know..I’m working on it.

I had started a blog prior to this one, but I told no one and deleted it after a few months. I was incredibly embarrassed at the thought of letting people into my mind and opening myself up to peoples criticism.

It wasn’t until I saw my best friend create a blog that I got so inspired. I’ve probably quoted this a handful of times on here before but my favorite thing she ever told me was..

“Do what you want and say how you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t mater.”

I opened up my laptop and started writing, about my life as a new mom. The words just poured out, as easy as it’s always been for me to just write how I feel. When I was all done I felt so many different emotions. I was proud of myself for this step I was about to take, but so incredibly nervous at the same time, and then it hit me.

What am I going to name this thing?

What words or phrases sum up my life at this very moment in time?

 I went through a few and kept sending them off to my sister for approval, every one slightly better than the next, until I came to a realization.

I’m sitting here at 26….

married

a son who’s a week old

a solid job and a comfortable life.

I am more than just a 20 something.

All my life, well all throughout college at least, I’ve heard of 20 something.

That time in your life that you’re supposed to go crazy, spend money, travel, care about only yourself, and ignore your responsibilities.

According to the 20 something stigma, I was doing it all wrong.

But I wasn’t.

I absolutely loved the exact spot that I was in.

I felt like at my age, I had things under control, and I still do feel that way…

Some days.

I am a mom, there are days where I wake up and the first thing that I think about is going to bed that night.

It happens.

Living in a world where Instagram shows you that you need to go out every Saturday night and party with your friends, or that you need to live your life this certain age at 26 and not be “settled down” already, it makes it hard to think that you’re doing life your way just fine.

But I am.

I realized in that moment that even though I sit here, being a 20 something, I was beyond a twenty something.

That most days I do have my stuff together.

That I’m a wife, mom, daughter, and most of the time a responsible adult.

Adult.

Most people cringe when they hear that word.

They think that adults have no fun, zero time to do anything for themselves, get no sleep, work boring jobs, and just have an uneventful life.

That’s completely false though, except the no sleep thing.

That’s true.

Even though some days I still feel 20, I know that I ‘m an adult and I have responsibilities and stuff that I need to do.

And it’s fun.

Getting my shit together.

(Sorry grandma)

Waking up in the morning and getting ready for your job that you worked your butt off for.

 Getting to see the smiling faces of your son and husband as they get their day started.

Jamming out to Christmas music in September on your daily commute because you want to.

Knowing that you’ve created this amazing life for yourself by working hard and now you get to spend it with the best little family that you and the love of your life created.

It makes you feel like you can take on the world.

Obviously there are some days where I get stressed out and eat an entire box of brownies that I just made, those days happen.

But I know that once that day passes it’s going to be okay.

This blog is my corner of the internet to do whatever I want, say anything that I need to say, and share stories that have taught me the most valuable life lessons.

But after the first year of having it, I think I’ve just now started to realize the theme of this.

The reason behind the hundreds of words I type and the music that floods my headphones while I write.

That at whatever age you are..

Wherever you live..

Whoever you call your family..

However you choose to live your life..

That it’s okay.

That it will all be just fine.

It’s how you choose to fill the chapters of your story, and no matter how you choose to do it, it’s beautiful at the end.

And it all works out.

That you don’t have to live your life according to your age or how others think you should.

If you’d rather spend your Saturday nights curled up on the couch drinking wine and watching a Harry Potter marathon, that’s fine.

You make the rules.

You create the life you want, and you live it with all of the passion that fuels your days.

That you are more than a number and beyond capable of living your life exactly how you want to.

 

 

 

 

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Making excuses and taking chances.

11

 

I’m super hard on myself, as in I hold myself to high standards, and if I mess up in any sort of fashion I’ll let myself have it.

Back in January I started the Megan’s Month part of my blog. It was meant for me to look back on at the end of 2017 and summarize my year and look at the different highlights and small things that made that year what it was.

I completely dropped the ball and didn’t do September.

In case anyone’s keeping track and who knows if anyone really is.

I knew it was approaching, last week I kept thinking to myself that September 30th was coming up and that I needed to write my Megan’s Month post for that month.

I thought about it on Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Friday.

And Saturday.

Next thing I know, it’s Sunday and I’m decorating the house for Halloween, completely disregarding the one goal I had for last week.

I was hard on myself.

Internally

That’s where all of my best dialogue comes from honestly.

I think a lot, there’s not a time of day where I don’t have several different thoughts floating around in my head.

Pep talks.

Tough love.

Hours on end convincing myself to do what it is I’m afraid to do.

That happened this last week, when I realized I hadn’t written my monthly post.

Lots of internal dialogue between me and myself, like I said before, I’m hard on myself.

And I had an excuse.

Which is weird for me because I feel like excuses are weak and I don’t like to accept them.

But I did.

I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks and honestly, it took priority over a lot of things..including my blog.

If I was going to write something, I wanted it to be good, not something I just put together for the purpose of just having a blog post.

So I waited.

And let that other thing consume most of me.

If you know me, you know that I obsess over things.

It could be a Netflix show, my love for pizza, or a new artist I just discovered.

I let things consume me until it’s all I can think about.

I like to think of it as a passion for life and those things that I love.

Others might call it annoying.

To each it’s own right?

So this thing was consuming me, this possibility of change.

This big step I was going to try and take, and the change that it would be to my routine I’ve had for the last almost five years.

I had decided that it was time to apply for a new job and possibly leave the place I had called my second home since March of 2013.

It’s scary.

Taking that step.

Willing to leave what’s comfortable for a new experience.

Putting yourself out there in fear of rejection.

Applying for jobs sucks.

Plain and simple.

This time wasn’t as bad, and if I didn’t have the help of my wonderful brother and his insane interviewing skills I don’t know if it would have gone as well as it did.

Again, I’m my own worst critic and I’m hard on myself. So after each step in the process I had my doubts.

Luckily I had an awesome family who assured me that I did all that I could.

I ended up being offered a chance to step into this new opportunity.

A chance to say yes to something new.

As of late next week, I’ll get to call McKay High School home again.

To say I wanted to job baldly would be a giant understatement.

I’m insanely excited to start this new journey, slightly nervous but so excited.

So yes I’m making an excuse.

And I’m allowing myself to not be mad for missing a deadline I had created.

I’m saying no to being hard on myself for the small things.

And yes to being excited about this new opportunity I’ve been so lucky to have received.

At the end of the day, being hard on yourself literally solves nothing.

Obsessing is fine, just not over the bad things.

Obsessing about the possibility to do something you want so badly is just fine, in my opinion.

So here’s to new possibilities.

To telling yourself to shut up every once and a while, and just doing what you want.