Something weird happened the other day. I’ve had four days to try and process it all and that’s the only word I can come up with..weird.
Do you ever have something happen that’s completely unexpected? So unexpected that it hits you in the face like a brick but yet it’s tied up with a pretty pink bow? Something that’s supposed to maybe hurt but it’s done so nicely and by a friend that you truly love and adore that you don’t want it to hurt. It shouldn’t hurt, and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just weird.
I think if this was three or four years ago it would really hurt, and I would feel differently. I would be mad. I would sit in my room and listen to my Taylor Swift sad playlist and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 days until I knew it all by heart. I would overthink everything and really feel like I got stabbed in the back. But I don’t, and that’s weird for me.
I tend to take things personally, think that someone is going out of their way to hurt me, that’s not the case though and that’s what is so weird for me. I am not processing this how I normally process things, I am just content. I realized I cannot control this and I don’t want to.
When I got this news I stared at my phone for a good five minutes, not knowing how I wanted to word my response. It was such a genuine and respectful message that there was no way I could be mad. Honestly I would be mad if I had to find out another way.
Time has passed, I am not the same person I was four years ago. I have so much more respect for myself. I am confident and capable of so much, and it took some time to realize that. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who treats me so much better than I deserve, and together we made a perfect little boy who is my world. Things have changed, I have changed, and I am way better off than this time four years ago.
I think that’s why it doesn’t bother me..because I simply don’t care. I don’t see why I should spend my time being upset or bothered by something that does not change my life in any way. My wonderful life that I wouldn’t want any other way. And that’s what is so weird for me. That’s why it took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and respond, because I wasn’t bothered by it. I wasn’t reacting the way that I really thought I would.
I was at peace with the situation, I was perfectly okay with it, and that’s what is so weird for me..but I’m so happy with how I handled it. Seriously, I deserve a huge pat on the back from myself for this one. I think that’s why this is my quarter life crisis..I was so thrown off by how well I took the news and how little I let it bother me, and that’s what is so weird
Although I wish I could have realized this earlier in life I’m happy I did now. I’m so pleased with myself for not caring. I am so proud of the person I’ve become and the lesson I’ve learned. That’s why I’m writing this, not with the intention to call anyone out for hurting me, because no one did. I’m writing this to hopefully get the attention of anyone who lets others actions affect them. It’s so easy for me to sit here and say not to worry about other people’s actions and to not let them bother you, because for 26 years I did and I still will, but in this situation I learned that I can.
I can not care about people’s actions. I can respect them for handling it the right way and respecting me, but ultimately I don’t care. I am happy with myself and beyond happy with my life that that’s all I need. I don’t need to spend time worrying about the actions of others. I can sit here and be content with something, not let it have a negative affect on me and just move on.