I feel good.
Seriously..I feel really good.
Such a simple statement for most people, but it’s not that easy for me. Confidence does not come natural. I am not the type of person that wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and thinks “damn I look gooooood.” I don’t do that. I mean I have, on occasion. This isn’t meant to be depressing or anything, trust me, it’s just something that I know isn’t my strong spot.
It likes to come in waves. Different parts of my life or different moments I feel completely untouchable, I walk into situations feeling like Beyonce. Other times I am constantly second guessing myself or comparing myself to every other person in the room.
I can tell you exactly when I started to second guess myself too, I was 17. It was the summer before my senior year in high school and I had just got done visiting with a college coach who wanted my sister and I to run for his team. I told my boyfriend at the time how excited I was and how this was such a great opportunity. You know what his response was?
“You know the only reason he wants you is because your sister is fast? You two are a package deal, you just come with her.”
I know what a winner.
I got out of that about a month later, but because of that moment I got in this habit of second guessing myself. Was I good enough? Was I fast enough? Was I pretty enough? Was I smart enough? Getting out of that relationship and focusing more on running helped me a lot. I was 18, I felt invincible and I was running the fastest times of my life. I started listening to Lil’ Wayne before races and rapping along, in my eyes no one could catch me and even come close to my awesomeness.
That feeling lasted through my first semester of college, it was the first time in my life that I was the best at something. It was amazing. It started to disappear when I transferred to a bigger college. I knew no one except my sister and everyone already had established friendships and relationships. And sometimes I felt dumb for trying to push myself during workouts, I remember hearing that some girls made fun of me for doing so well during a specific workout. I was told they were just bashing me and saying how dumb it was that I ran so hard, they questioned what I was trying to prove. I let that get to me.
I thought, “maybe I shouldn’t push the pace that hard today, don’t want anyone to be upset about it.”
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT..SERIOUSLY MEGAN. Looking back at it I don’t believe it myself.
You really are your own worst enemy sometimes. It wasn’t until a couple of years later and some good friends by my side that encouraged me to do my best and not care what anyone else says that I realized how good I was and actually started running hard. I held myself back from my one true passion in life because some people thought it was uncool. Don’t worry, moral of that story is I finished college running the fastest times of my life and let go of those negative people.
That’s the biggest part of being confident and happy in my opinion. Let go of the people who hold you back. The people who tell you that you aren’t good enough, who don’t share your goals and who don’t see a purpose to the crazy beautiful dreams you have.
They’re stupid, let them go, seriously do it. You will feel so much better.
I started really surrounding myself with the people who thought I was as amazing as I use to. My sister, my parents, my best friend, and my husband. I also coach high school athletes. If you ever want to feel good about yourself get into coaching. Those kids are always excited to see me, well I like to think they are. They hug me when they haven’t seen me in a day, and appreciate me for being upfront and tough. I love them for that.
If you want to do something that might be crazy but you are incredibly passionate about it, and anyone in your life questions you, get rid of them. You should always surround yourself with people who love you and support you no matter what. I am so lucky and blessed to have that support.
I think that’s why I am in such good place in life, finally. I have the best support system who I wouldn’t trade for anything. I realized today how good I felt, after my workout. I look great for having a baby two months ago, I have a college degree that I worked my butt off for, I have a great job, a beautiful baby, husband, and the best family ever. All of it makes me confident and gives me the faith that I really can do anything.
That’s the key to it all.
If you have anyone in your life that makes you feel insignificant or small get rid of them. Anyone who questions your dreams or passions doesn’t deserve to have you in their life. Sometimes that lesson takes 21 years to learn but when you realize it, it feels amazing.