I messed up.

 

Admitting that you’ve made a mistake is so hard, especially if your name is Megan and you always like to be right.

It’s hard, admitting fault, it means you have to be vulnerable and let someone know that you made a mistake, and I have such a hard time doing that.

But I’ve messed up.

I was starting my senior year in College and thought that at this stage in my life I would be completely confident in my own skin, but I was mistaken. I was waiting for that day that I would arrive on campus with my head held high, believing that I could take on anything and everything that year threw at me. I felt like something was missing, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew I needed just one more thing, or person. I had an amazing family, an awesome sister, some great friends, and I was in the best shape of my running career. Still though, I felt like I wasn’t completely whole.

Our first day of Cross Country practice came and I just remember being so excited to get out there and show my coach how hard I had trained that summer. We had finished the workout and were doing some drills in the grass, when my coach told us that we had to find a partner. Now I absolutely hate picking partners. I usually just take the easy way out and pick my sister but she had already picked someone. I stared at the group of girls hoping someone would make eye contact with me and awkwardly smile to confirm our partnership.

She did.

I didn’t know her that well, except for that her voice was a little high pitched and I heard her call a creek a crick.We started doing the wheelbarrow drill, where you hold your partners by their ankles as they walk across the grass on their hands. I got distracted and the next thing I know I heard her yelling my name as the grass left a nice little dirt stain on her face. I had been dragging her across the grass for a good ten feet. I felt terrible, but I must have done something right because she kept wanting to be my partner for things. She also kept talking to me, laughing at my jokes, and wanting to hang out with me outside of practice.

Finally, I had found it.

Our bond was almost instant. I had never met a friend, besides my sister, that I bonded with that quickly. Her advice was my favorite. She would tell me if I needed to suck it up and stop worrying about what other people thought, or if I was making a really bad decision. She would comfort me when I was hurt and threaten to hurt anyone who hurt me.She was the type of friend that I wanted and needed. If I ever came to her upset and needed advice she would tell me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. I will forever be grateful of that the most.

She was there by my side my whole senior year until graduation came. She was just starting her college adventure and I was ending mine. However, I only lived 30 minutes away and it was the easiest commute ever. I had no excuse to not see her.

We talked a lot during the summer. Had some Skype dates, wrote each other letters, and texted daily.

My life started getting a lot harder. I had gotten dumped by my college boyfriend, someone she was friends with, and honestly I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like that put her in a bad spot. I felt bad. I was looking for a job like crazy, and she was still trying to get college figured out. Our lives were going in two different directions, or so I thought, and I kept thinking I was too busy to send a text or make a call. And that was on me.

I know I’m a bad communicator sometimes, which makes absolutely no sense for someone who majored in Communication Studies, and that I suck at keeping in touch with people.

We’re still friends, I’ll still call her my best friend until I can’t anymore. I just feel like I really messed up. I’ve admitted it to her before, that I was so sorry for losing touch and that I would be better about it..but then I got engaged and married, and pregnant and kept making excuses.

When she told me she was moving 2000 miles away it broke my heart. I knew however that it was the best thing for her, and I was so incredibly proud of her. But I was so selfish in that moment. I instantly wished I had handled everything differently after college and wished I could have taken those two years back. I wished a million times that we were as close as we use to be. She might not know it, but that was one of the hardest things for me. Realizing that she wasn’t going to be just 30 minutes away. My biggest fear was that she was going to meet a new best friend and forget about me.

This person is one of the toughest people I have ever met. She is fierce, hilarious, and puts passion into everything she does. I look up to her so much.

It is so hard for me to admit I’m wrong, or that I’ve messed up, but I really did. I let my friendship go from something so strong to something I just did when I could. I want to get back to where it used to be and I hope it’s not too late.

When you have a good thing in your life don’t let it go. Whether it’s a friend, significant other, grandparent, anyone who you used to have contact with and may have lost it, go get it back. Even though it may require a bit of work and admitting that you were wrong it will always be worth it in the end.

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