I got a little bit of myself back yesterday.
It was the first time I was able to run in ten months, and I would be fooling myself if I said that it was absolutely amazing and it felt like I had never stopped running. That the fresh air filled my lungs and fueled every step. Something filled my lungs alright, it was like Elsa went all ice queen down there.
I stepped outside my front door, watch in hand, ready to go. Honestly, just that felt great, to have my running clothes on and my watch around my wrist, a sense of normalcy rushed through me. My running shoes were still loose from the last time I wore them, at nine months pregnant with ankles the size of apples…very large apples. I took a deep breath right before I pressed “start” and took off on my run. I started out a little too fast, in typical Megan fashion, and felt it by the time I got to the crosswalk.
I cannot express how happy I was to get to the crosswalk 400 meters in. I’m normally that runner that takes advantages of crosswalks for a quick break, and today those 15 seconds did not last long enough. It was a beautiful fall afternoon, which made the run a little easier. For a second I would forget how cold it was and pretend that it was late August. I ran that same road with one of my favorite athletes before her senior year. She was struggling, dry heaving the entire way down the long and grueling stretch. I had to convince her multiple times to keep going, and she did. By the time we ended the season she could run that stretch of road easily. I kept reminding myself of that athlete, and that it’s only a run they get easier the more you do them. She definitely helped me on this one.
I kept looking at my watch, hoping that first mile would come faster. I had set a goal to run three miles, so at that glorious mile and a half mark I could turn around. I told myself that if I made it that far I could stop for a couple of minutes and catch my breath. At one point I saw a cop car and thought to myself, “I mean if I am really struggling I guess they could help me?”
It was now time to head back home, I kept thinking about my hydro flask I had just filled up and was waiting for me. I’m not sure what it is but I’ve always thought that the last part of an out and back run feels so much faster than the first part. I just kept repeating that in my mind, over and over again, until my legs were moving a little faster.
Every time I felt the slightest bit of doubt I would try and motivate myself in any way I could..
Megan you ran all of those hard workouts in College, you can get through this.
Did you stop after you fell during the last home stretch of your marathon? No! So finish now!
You had a kid, seriously suck it up.
At last, that wonderful crosswalk that I swear had a halo around it, was back in my sight. This time I let it go through one full cycle of traffic so I could catch my breath for the last home stretch. I thought of my husband and my son at home, and that gave me fire I needed to kick it in.
I like to sit outside after I run. It helps me catch my breath and reflect on my run, but mainly to not look like a sweaty mess before I go inside. I sat outside a little bit longer on this one. I was really proud of myself, for getting out there and doing it. Ten months had passed since I had really gone on a run, and I had been dreaming about this moment since the summer. Imagining the day where I could run, even walk, without getting winded and needing to slow down.
Then I thought to myself, yeah I am super proud of myself and the fact that I got out there and did it. But I wasn’t satisfied.
I wanted to be faster and be able to run more miles. I knew that this run was just the beginning of the long journey to get back to where I used to be . I know it’s going to be hard, and it might hurt, but I couldn’t be happier to keep going. Here’s to working towards your dreams even though you know it’s going to be tough, and looking forward to the pain.