be yourself.

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“In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.”

Have you heard this quote before?

I’ve heard it around and never really payed attention to  it.

It never made sense to me.

Obviously you’d want to be yourself, why wouldn’t you want to be anything but?

We all want to be ourselves and don’t think were being anything different.

I think it just kind of happens.

You’re watching television.

Scrolling through Instagram.

Looking at random ads on Facebook.

And it happens.

You get this idea.

That you’re life needs to be that way.

That if you act a certain way, you’ll get this certain outcome.

We all do it.

Sometimes we don’t even realize it.

And sometimes we do.

If we just pretend to like what everyone else likes, we’ll fit right in.

Or if we act a certain way on Instagram we’ll just become that in real life.

We just copy others and boom, our lives will be perfect.

Instead of being original.

Maybe if we always post selfies of us smiling, happy quotes, or pictures of us on great adventures, then we’ll have this awesome life.

We’ll become these happy people who are living these big lives.

But you never see what’s behind the pictures.

What’s behind people telling you that their life is perfect and they’re always happy.

You never see the struggles, tears, or doubt that we all go through.

You always see the good and never the bad.

Want to know why?

Instagram is just a highlight reel.

It’s not always real life.

You only see the good.

That’s what it’s for.

Everyone doesn’t have the perfect life with that perfect latte and perfect post workout glow.

Life’s perfect sometimes, but it’s also messy.

And that’s what makes it perfect.

Were surrounded by all of these different messages.

You’re not pretty enough, buy this product for perfect glowing skin.

You’re not fit enough, you need to do this workout.

You’re not happy enough, you need this in your life.

We literally have people asking if we want to be amazing, confident, and happy, then why don’t we do exactly what they’re doing.

That is what’s wrong.

Why would be happier, more confident, and more amazing being just like someone else.

Just like everyone else.

What’s wrong with us and the way were living our own life.

All of a sudden you’re worrying about why you aren’t as fit, happy, healthy, and perfect like the people on Instagram and television.

Because they’re telling you that you’re less than perfect.

That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

Think about it.

You’re constantly being told that you need to do more and be better.

That the current version of you might be good, but it’s not good enough.

Not as good as them and their life.

That you’re not good enough the way you are.

That’s whats happening.

Were surrounded by people telling us that somethings wrong with us.

Therefore we sit and worry.

We must not be happy, healthy, and perfect.

That were not good enough.

It’s this cycle that repeats itself if were not careful.

It’ll just keep happening.

We’ll just keep trying to make our lives look a certain way.

We’ll just keep pretending to be like everyone else.

Because that’s what were told to do.

That’s what were forced to believe.

That were not happy unless we post positive quotes and force a cheesy smile.

That were not fit enough unless we do the same workout that everyone else is doing.

That our life’s not good enough, because it’s not like theirs.

You just have to know what to look for.

If something makes you feel bad.

Makes you feel anything less than happy.

Don’t let it.

Say no to it.

Unfollow it.

Say out loud if you need to that it’s not going to make you unhappy anymore.

Be confident in your life and the choices you make to know that you’re good enough the way you are.

You can change, you can do things differently, but it needs to be because you want to.

Not because someone is telling you to.

Be happy the way you are.

Be happy with your life.

Be happy being yourself.

I have this card from my best friend pinned above my desk, and my favorite part of it is the last line.

“Keep being you, the girl who sings in the car, loves Grey’s, runs for sanity, and loves her family.”

Instead of surrounding yourself with images of people telling you that you’re not good enough.

Surround yourself with people who know you.

Who support you.

And who love you for who you are.

People who don’t want you to change.

Know that you’re good enough just the way you are.

And that you don’t need to be just like everyone else.

You don’t need to act a certain way to impress others or convince yourself that you’re a certain way.

You just need to be yourself.

And try not to worry about what other people are doing.

They’ll try and tell you that you’re not good enough the way you are.

That you need to be a certain way, or be just like them to be happy.

But they’re wrong.

The key to being happy.

Is being yourself.

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A letter to running.

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Dear running,

We met each other young.

I was just a girl who loved to run and be active.

It was fun, and I was good at it.

It was something my sister and I could do together.

We spent so many days at track meets.

And people were starting to know our names.

You took two twin girls and gave them a bit of magic.

Those days of running when I was young turned into hours spent at my high school track.

Day after day I ran and ran.

Whatever Coach asked us to do, we did together.

You made me feel confident and gave me something to be proud of, in a world where everyone was trying to find themselves.

You brought me to new heights, and allowed me to realize that I could do anything I believed possible.

I know when I was 17, I took you for granted.

I didn’t care about you as much and I forgot about why I fell in love with you in the first place.

I’m forever sorry.

But I know you forgave me.

It was a hard journey back to where we left off, but we got there.

You taught me that with determination and persistence, dreams can come true.

You took me to College.

You helped me meet some of my best friends and took me to so many new places.

We didn’t get the results that we wanted right away.

In fact, it took until my last year.

I finally let go of everything that was holding me back and just focused on you.

And with that, you allowed me to fully believe in myself again.

We didn’t hold anything back.

We stood on that starting line together, took a deep breath in, and just ran.

I did so much that year.

And it’s all thanks to you.

You gave me something for not only me to be proud, but my family.

I was always a good kid, never got in trouble, and had good grades.

But you gave me that one thing that put me over the edge.

My grandma went to as many races as she could, my grandpa bragged to everyone about his granddaughters, and my parents were my number one fans.

There were definitely times where I wasn’t sure if I was doing life right.

If I was making the right choices and making my family proud.

But because of you, I knew that I always was.

Life after college was weird.

My structure was gone.

No one was telling me that I had to run anymore.

They don’t tell you after your career ends how hard it is.

We ran together here and there but never really knew why.

It wasn’t until the Boston Marathon bombings of 2013, that we finally realized what we were running for.

Something bigger than ourselves.

We laced up my shoes every day for six months training for that marathon.

We had set a goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon, and we missed it by just a few minutes.

That’s okay though.

We know that we’ll do it one day.

Along the way of training for the marathon, the coolest thing happened.

I started coaching.

We could use our knowledge of running to help others.

I joined my sister for what was going to be the most rewarding thing in my entire life as we helped coach the cross country team.

She introduced me to the head coach, who just two years later, would become my husband.

In 2015 my dad joined us and became the head coach of the track team.

You helped me start my family and bring me even closer than I already was to the family I had.

You helped me in a time where I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I was lost, scared, and thought that I had lost everything.

But you led the way.

Because of you, my life is the way that it is.

I am strong.

Passionate.

Confident.

Brave.

Because of you, I know how to work towards what I want in life.

You were there for me when I was lost.

You were the one thing that I could always rely on.

You never let me down, and taught me so many life lessons.

When I fell, you were right there to pick me back up.

And you’re still here.

After sixteen years, you’re still here.

We run and we run.

As far as we want to.

You’re always right there and you always will be.

And I hope that I can make you proud.

 

Envious.

We’re all guilty of being envious, whether we realize it or not.

You could see someones brand new car and wish that you weren’t stuck with your Toyota corolla from the 90’s.

A girl could walk by with these brand new designer shoes and you wish that you could afford shoes like that.

You could even be envious of someones well behaved child while yours throws a fit in Target.

It’s not something that you should be ashamed of.

We all do it.

Sometimes without even realizing it.

I was having a conversation with one of my athletes a couple of weeks ago.

For some reason we were talking about my brother and I brought up his tattoos.

That he just thinks of a funny idea and gets it.

I told him that I envied how he could just do that.

Not obsess and overthink, but just decide that he wants to do something and do it.

He  responded with “You say that a lot, that you envy him. You always say I envy how he can just do things, why don’t you just do it.”

He had an excellent point.

I do that.

Way more than I realize.

My little brother is a wonderful example of just doing things because he wants to.

Getting tattoos.

Going to Hawaii to visit his friend.

Wearing whatever clothes he wants because he thinks they’re cool.

He literally does whatever he wants and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

I know what you’re thinking.

Megan that’s easy.

Just decide that you want to do something and go do it.

But if you’ve been reading my blog for a little while then you know that’s something I just can’t do.

I can’t make a decision quickly.

I can’t think about weekend plans without obsessing over every little detail.

I can’t even make major life decisions without consulting with someone else.

That’s just how I am.

I’m wired to think about every little detail of every decision.

I don’t hate it.

But it’s not my favorite thing about myself.

Sometimes I like planning things out.

I like having complete control of what happens when and how it happens.

But on that same note, when I don’t have control I go crazy inside.

Think of Joyce Byers in season one of stranger things.

Okay, not that crazy but you get the idea.

Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to practice the art of letting things go.

I’ve tried to practice the art of stopping and breathing before I start to obsess over something.

Does it work all the time?

No.

But it works sometimes.

Being aware of a bad habit of mine, and making a conscious effort to fix it.

I think it’s important to look at ourselves and the things we know we could work on.

What’s one thing you do, that you wish you wouldn’t?

One thing you wish you could start doing?

Or one thing you wish you could do better or quit doing all together.

I think as humans we want other people to think that we’re perfect in every aspect of our lives, or at least what others see.

We don’t want anyone to think that we have a bad habit or trait.

We want them to think that we have perfect tempers, always tell the truth, or that we’re always easy going.

That our life is 100 percent put together all the time.

When we all know that’s not the case.

Instead of really reflecting on ourselves and what we can do better, we just pretend to have it all together for the sake of other people.

I think I’m too worried about looking like the control freak that I am, that I just keep it all bundled up instead of trying to fix it.

It makes me envious of others who can just do things.

Who don’t have to think before they do even the smallest of things.

And instead of fixing these things, I just spend my days envious of people who can do as they please.

We all do this.

Spend time being envious versus actually fixing the problem.

Whether you think you do or not, you probably do.

Instead of taking that risk, we sit and watch others accomplish our goals.

When I was younger, for the most part, I would have told you that I could make even my wildest dreams come true.

The President of the United states..

A reporter..

Public Relations manager for the LA Dodgers..

A Lawyer..

You name it, I wanted to do it.

It’s funny actually..

The older I got the more I doubted myself.

I still have dreams, they’ve just downsized a bit.

But I still have those big ones.

The ones that have stayed around while the others called it quits.

The ones that seem so big, that they scare you a little.

You’re never too old for those ones.

Instead of spending my days being envious of others who can do these things that I dream of, I’ve decided to just do it.

Regardless of time.

Negative thoughts.

Fear of rejection and the unknown.

I’m just going to do it.

I’ve wasted too much time sitting and admiring people who are accomplishing my goals.

Who are working hard and putting in the effort towards that one thing they want to do.

Who can just be free of the worries of their peers and what they might think.

They might laugh.

They might judge.

They might say your ideas are dumb.

But that’s their problem.

Not yours.

You have dreams to reach.

 

 

 

 

Advice to my younger self.

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If I could, I would give my younger self a lot of advice.

Advice that I knowingly wouldn’t want to hear.

You see…it may be hard to believe..but as a child I was very stubborn.

Shocker I know.

I would roll my eyes to almost anything my parents told me to do.

But they shouldn’t be mad, I did it to everyone who tried to tell me what to do.

I thought I knew all of life’s answers.

Especially when it came to boys.

Don’t date him Megan he’s a bad kid.

Maybe you should focus on school and not boys.

Megan he cheated on someone before, what makes you think he won’t do it again?

I had heard it all.

Ya see..I thought I had these magic powers.

That I could change someone.

If a guy was a jerk or hadn’t always been faithful in a relationship, I thought I was going to be that person to change him.

That wasn’t just something I did when I was younger, I did it up into my early twenties.

It isn’t the smartest thing to do.

To think that you can change someone.

You literally have no control over what they choose to do.

That was just a small part of my problem growing up.

From middle school to my first year out of college, I was consumed with this thought.

The thought that I needed to have a boyfriend.

I can sit here and blame it on Kate Hudson for days but that’s not the full reason and I know it.

I was fascinated with this idea of love.

I had seen my parents, grandparents, and couples on television completely in love and happy.

So that had to have meant that if you had love, you would be happy.

I wanted someone to love me like that.

Someone to sweep me off of my feet.

To show me affection the way couples in love did.

To quote a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, “that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff.”

That’s what I wanted.

And I was so consumed with this thought that only true love would make me happy that I didn’t even think of falling in love with the person I saw in the mirror every day.

Not in this conceded kind of way.

But the way where you truly appreciate yourself.

Where you love your flaws, your fears, and everything in between.

That’s the love I should have been focusing on.

Not the love of a stupid boy.

And boys are stupid.

I had a conversation with some girls that I coach yesterday.

My sister and I were hanging around them as they talked about cute boys.

I told them the one piece of advice I wish I would have listened to when I was younger.

Boys are stupid in high school.

And in College too.

Just focus on yourself and the good ones will come.

Now that’s not to say that you can’t marry your high school or college sweetheart.

That’s not at all what I’m saying.

But we’re all just trying to figure life out

We’re all still making mistakes and learning from them.

You can’t expect this big love from someone who doesn’t love themselves yet.

Dating is fine, it’s how we know what we like or dislike in someone that we want as a partner in life.

But being so fixated on finding love isn’t.

I wanted someone to love me so badly that I was looking for it in the wrong people.

Out of all of the boys I liked growing up, I only had one really good relationship.

And they taught me so much about what I wanted in a relationship.

We’re even still friends today.

That’s how I know it was good.

And I’m not necessarily blaming the boys I dated for our bad relationships.

They were all just still figuring life out.

The liars and the cheaters, well they still had a lot to figure out.

But why did I want so badly to find a love with someone who didn’t even know what he wanted.

I wanted love so badly I was blind to everything else.

I was spending hours and hours talking to boys who didn’t really care what I wanted to do after high school.

Giving my heart to boys who would just step on it days later.

Lying to the people I loved most just to protect the boy I was dating.

I did it all.

I was so dumb.

That’s not nice but whatever, when it came to boys I was dumb.

I had good grades, was an pretty good athlete, but could have been so much better if I wasn’t thinking about having a boyfriend so much.

That’s the one piece of advice I would give my younger self.

Out of everything in this world, it would be to not focus so much on having a boyfriend.

To just focus on yourself, and the right one will come to you.

Think about it.

If you have no idea what you want out of life, or even who you are, how do you expect to find this big love.

And if you don’t know who you are growing up, do you think everyone else does?

Chances are no.

No one knows who they are.

We’re all just figuring out life.

When we’re ready, when we finally seem to have this idea of who we are.

When we truly start to love ourselves.

That’s when we’ll find that kind of love.

Where I’ve been.

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I haven’t written anything in two and a half weeks.

Not sure if anyone noticed.

Or cared.

But I did.

It drove me insane.

It’s all I could think about.

I would sit in front of my computer and just stare.

I didn’t have a single idea that fit my prompts for the day.

No throwback stories seemed important enough.

I couldn’t think of anything fun or interesting for my Saturday fun day post.

And by that point Sunday just felt like I was forcing it.

At the beginning of the year these prompts were exciting. I would jump to my notebook and write an idea out as it came to me.

It was fun.

Fresh.

Exciting.

Then it got boring.

Dull.

Mundane.

It turned into something I thought I had to do versus something I wanted to do.

I wasn’t looking forward to writing anymore.

And that was so upsetting for me.

This is my little corner.

My world.

A space to fill with the words that flood my mind daily.

I felt like I had lost it for a little there.

Do you ever feel like that?

Like you lost your spark?

Nothings wrong in your life.

You’re happy, loved, and enjoying the days as they come.

But that little spark of magic that was yours took a small vacation and was showing no signs of coming back.

That was me.

I lost my magic.

It’s kind of funny.

Calling my writing magic.

But that’s what it is to me.

Your magic is that thing that you do so well.

It’s that thing that ignites a fire in you.

It gives you joy on the darkest of days.

You could be the best at it, or the worst at it.

But it creates this magic in your life that you sometimes forget is there.

Well I lost mine.

I started worrying.

Was my stuff good enough?

Did people like it?

What was the purpose of my writing?

I started doubting every idea I had.

I just didn’t enjoy writing anymore.

But I love it.

I love writing and I don’t care if two people read it or two hundred people read it.

I love it so much.

It’s my escape.

My corner.

The thing that ignites the fire inside of me.

It’s my magic.

I caught a few glimpses of it while on this little hiatus.

Thoughts that would come and go.

 Ideas that sparked my interests and gave me ideas.

They didn’t fit my writing prompts for certain days but I didn’t care.

That was an idea to get me writing more often in the New Year.

It worked, and I enjoyed it while it lasted.

It served it’s purpose and I’m happy it did.

But I’m done with it now.

I’m ready to write as it comes to me.

Like I’ve done before.

Like I love doing.

I came across a sentence in a book that I’ve been reading.

“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”

It was the reality check that I needed.

A slap in the face if you will.

I was afraid.

And I hate admitting it.

But I was afraid.

I had lost that confidence that I had gained from writing.

From sharing my words with anyone who would read them.

And the positive words from those readers.

For some reason I was doubting myself and the ideas in my head.

Doubting the magic that I knew I had.

I’ll be the first one to tell you if I’m being dumb.

And I was being dumb.

I had lost the courage to show my writing to the world.

Something that I loved so much.

Something that brought me so much joy.

Scared me.

Reading this line from the book really opened my eyes.

In order to find your magic, you need to have the courage to bring it to the world.

The thing that gives you life, you must give it life to have it blossom into the beauty that it can become.

Don’t let the fact that you’re scared stop you from finding your magic.

Or in the words of the movie A Cinderella Story.

Don’t let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

Whatever you love in life.

Whatever brings you so much joy that you want to show it to the world.

Find it.

If you lost it, bring it back.

No matter what, don’t give up on it.

Trust that if it’s taking a break from you, it’s a needed break.

But don’t give up hope.

I lost my magic.

But it’s back.

What’s stopping you from finding yours?

 

50 thoughts I have while driving.

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I have this weird relationship with driving.

At first, I hated it.

I was so excited to learn how to drive.

This was it..my road to freedom.

Or so I thought.

I passed the actual driving test on the very first try.

But failed the computer test the first time.

And second.

And third.

And fourth.

And fifth.

After the fifth they make you wait a certain amount of time before you take it again.

What can I say….I hate taking tests.

During that fun little waiting period in between test, Janelle and I got into a car accident.

It completely ruined driving for me.

So I swore it off completely.

My sister had her license, so why did I need mine?

Fast forward to the day I turned eighteen.

At that age our DMV allows you to just walk in and get your license if you’ve passed the driving test but not the computer test.

I finally had my license.

But refused to drive still.

It was a slow process, driving again.

I didn’t really start driving again until the summer of 2010.

Until I hit a parked car and swore it off again.

I think I started really driving after college.

I had a different job than my sister and basically had to drive.

It wasn’t even until this last September that I drove myself to a new city.

Don’t take this the wrong way.

I am a fine driver.

I just had a strained relationship with it.

I love it now though, for the most part.

We just got off to a rocky start.

Our relationship is like an old married couple.

We fight, and bicker all the time.

But at the end of the day we love each other.

I decided to document our daily commute together to give you all a glimpse into our relationship.

I hope it’s something you can relate to on a spiritual level.

50 thoughts I have while driving.

  1. Why are you so cold?? Seriously let’s turn that heat UP!
  2. Okay okay calm down it doesn’t need to be that hot.
  3. Ughhh nothings on this station this morning.
  4. Or this one..
  5. Or this one..
  6. I give up! I’ll settle with commercials.
  7. Now the real question is, do I want coffee?
  8. I mean I’m tired….and it sounds delicious.
  9. COFFEE IT IS!!
  10. Oh god why is the music so loud?
  11. It’s 6:15 in morning calm it down folks.
  12. Oh god stop yelling….just give me my coffee.
  13. Thank you…now let me leave.
  14. Mmmmm nectar of the gods.
  15. This light…you’ll be the death of me.
  16. If only I could turn left on this red.
  17. But something about the “law” makes it illegal.
  18. Rules rules.
  19. FINALLY.
  20. No no no don’t use your turning signal it’s fine.
  21. Oh I see you’re waiting until the middle of your turn to use your turning signal…makes sense.
  22. I swear I always hit so many red lights.
  23. Oooo I like this song.
  24. Can they see me dancing? No..perfect!!
  25. Woah my straw works as a microphone…BOOM!!
  26. Oh green light…whoops!
  27. Pay attention Megan.
  28. What is the speed limit? 35?
  29. WHY ARE WE GOING 25??
  30. Oh that’s right the speed limit is a suggestion..I forgot..silly me!!
  31. Please turn please turn please turn.
  32. YESSSS!! BE GONE PEASANT!!
  33. (Insert self made car acceleration noises.)
  34. HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWNNNNNN.
  35. GOING DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I’VE EVER KNOWNNNN.
  36. Cop.
  37. Cop cop cop.
  38. Was I going that fast?
  39. I couldn’t have been.
  40. I’ll just slowly take my foot off of the gas.
  41. Oh he’s gone…
  42. PHEW!!
  43. Good thing I’m almost to work.
  44. Stay green stay green..
  45. Woohoo made it!!
  46. Just gotta use my turning signal like the good little driver that I am.
  47. Almost there.
  48. Speed bump.
  49. Always forget about the speed bumps.
  50. Anddd were here…Thanks little buddy..be back soon!

Impermanence.

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I usually post story times on Thursdays.

And I want to keep doing that.

But yesterday was different.

So naturally I had to write about it.

It wasn’t the best day.

And it wasn’t the worst day ever.

It just wasn’t great.

And in typical Megan fashion, I took things personally.

When in reality it wasn’t on me.

I was pretty bummed out all day.

You know how those days go?

You spill your coffee.

Get a rude email at work.

Someone says something mean to you.

You run into traffic.

All of the small things that can add up make everything seem worse than it actually is.

That’s how yesterday went.

And most of this week for that matter.

I was super frustrated.

I feel like I’m a good person for the most part.

I use my turning signal, hold the door open for people, and I don’t do anything illegal.

The one “bad” habit I have is drinking too much coffee.

That or swearing as much as I do.

But that’s it.

I’ve always believed in Karma.

Because I had to give myself that reassurance that people who did bad things would have bad things happen to them in return.

It just made me feel better.

With that being said, I get frustrated when bad things happen to good people.

It doesn’t make sense.

Are you supposed to learn some giant life lesson?

Is it going to direct you down this new magical path in life.

Is it all a part of something bigger than we can possibly understand.

I just couldn’t wrap my mind around how all of these bad things were happening to me, small, but bad nonetheless.

What about Karma?

Wasn’t it supposed to help me out?

Didn’t it have my back?

As much as I tried to figure out why these bad things were happening to me, I just couldn’t find an answer

I did however, found a solution to it yesterday.

A temporary fix if you will.

I came across this word that was new to me.

Impermanence.

I saw the word described in a paragraph.

Life is always changing and I drift easily through those changes, good and bad. As I drift through hard times, I can take comfort in knowing that I will leave them behind. As I drift away from good times I can take comfort in knowing that more will come my way. 

It’s beautiful really.

Life is always changing, we have no control over it.

And we have to accept that.

Good things will happen, and bad things will happen.

But they’ll always be happening.

As we experience those hard times we should take comfort.

Comfort in knowing that eventually you will leave them behind.

And most importantly in my opinion, that as the good times come and go, you can take comfort in knowing that more are going to come.

I think that’s harder than going through the bad times.

Watching the good times go.

Graduating from college.

Watching your children move out.

Sending your best friend off to move across the Country.

It’s still hard.

Seeing something that you’ve loved so much change and becoming different.

Taking comfort that you once knew, with something that was a constant in your life, and watching it change.

Wondering if things will ever be the same.

But knowing that no matter what, more good things will come your way.

I took this yesterday and really let it sit with me.

In the peak of my bad day, this hit me so incredibly hard.

And hits me even more as I write this now, reflecting on it all.

I told myself over and over again.

I will eventually leave these bad days behind.

And it helped, believe it or not.

Saying this over and over again made the negative thoughts escape.

I think if you believe in something so much, you can create it.

Even if it’s just a thought.

If you believe in something enough, it’ll happen.

The bad days will be left behind.

And those good days that you love so much, will too be left behind.

But they’ll be back.

Just different.

This gave me comfort yesterday.

Comfort when I was having a bad day.

And I hope that it can help you as well.

That no matter what might be going wrong, big or small, that it will be left behind.

That it’ll be just a memory.

Something that happened to you.

But that you can take comfort in knowing that it’s gone.

And because of it, you’re stronger the next time around.